Chapter 53

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When he was about to go to bed, Lin Moyan realized a problem; Fang Yu hadn’t arranged a room for him. After asking him, the answer was, “I’m used to sleeping with you. We’ll sleep in my bedroom tonight. I’ll be on the floor and you’ll be on the bed, okay?”

Lin Moyan didn’t know what he was thinking at the time but he agreed. Although it was not an enthusiastic agreement, it was definitely a sign of approval. There was obviously a spare guestroom but after looking at Fang Yu’s eyes full of expectation, he found it difficult to resist and didn’t say anything.

The one on the bed slept peacefully but the one on the floor was restless. Fang Yu never thought that he would ever tell anyone else about his fragility. From the moment he was able to understand sentences, his father taught him how to laugh flatteringly, to gain other’s favours and to conceal himself. The weaknesses of others can be seen through by him but they would never be able to see Fang Yu’s thoughts and feelings.

The memories of childhood were like a punctured gallbladder. Those bitter and dark memories flowed out from that puncture hole. No child doesn’t like to cry. When he lost a cherished gift, he would cry. When he couldn’t get a toy he wanted, he would cry as well. After he was confined for crying, he never dared to shed another tear again.

Even if you were about to suffocate from the pain, your face must never show it. This forced behaviour became a habit after a while and became second nature to him. Even if you were suffering, you had to put on a smile and act as if everything was fine. Fang Yu remembered the incident when he was confined clearly. He lost a precious pen which was a birthday gift from his parents.

During the moment of loss, his tears flowed down like a broken dam. He rushed out of the room and ran to the living room where his father was. He wanted to seek comfort from his father and this scene happened to be seen by the uncle who came to the house as a guest. While crying, he ran to his father, yelling, “Dad, the pen you gave me is gone…”

At that time, he couldn’t decipher the expression on his father’s face, but he could feel his father’s whole body radiate displeasure. He immediately stopped about one meter away from his father. He didn’t dare to take a step anymore and his howling cries became soft sobs. The uncle next to him seemed to have encountered something interesting as he smiled and waved to Fang Yu, “Xiaoyu, come, tell uncle what’s going on?”

He was treated harshly by his father and naturally wanted to find a warm embrace for some comfort. He remembered his father screaming, “Go upstairs!”

But at that moment, he was pulled over by his uncle and held in his arms. After he was hugged by his uncle, he was immersed in extremely warm arms. The uncle embraced him and asked him what happened.

Word by word, he choked out his words. “I-I lost the precious gift. It was o-one of my favourite th-things. I was very sad when I lost it.”

His uncle looked at his father and answered, “Oh, Xiaoyu, your family has so little money? After losing a small gift, you’re crying like this?”

In a family where money and power were the most important, the two sons of the grandfather would naturally fight one another. Needles would always be hidden in their words and their actions behind one another’s backs were sinister.

At that time, Fang Yu wanted to argue but his father gave a shrill cry and called a servant to take him away. Fang Yu was frightened and never had the opportunity to explain that he was sad, not because he lost the gift, but because the gift was given to him by his father and was more valuable than money.

After that, he didn’t see his father for several months. He didn’t even have a chance to explain as he was locked into an empty room by a servant. For three days, no one entered that room except for the food that the servant pushed in. Three days later, his throat was hoarse and numb from crying out and his face was tear-streaked.

When he finally emerged from the room, he found out that his father left for an overseas business trip and he had only left a sentence conveyed to him from the servant: “Tears are weaknesses and they will only make others look down on you. Even if someone strikes at you in the future, you must be calm and control your emotions. Otherwise, don’t show up in front of me again or I won’t recognize you as my son.”

How did he react at the time? It seemed that he held back his tears and breath at the same time. He had almost forgotten to breathe. Since then, he has not shed another tear. He avoided shedding any tears to gain his father’s affirmation but it later became a habit. He grew accustomed to wearing a mask, hiding his true thoughts and feelings from the world.

Thinking about it, Lin Moyan gradually attracted him. Maybe it was because Lin Moyan was so indifferent to everyone, not keeping up appearances or trying to please everyone. He felt that he could show his true emotions to Lin Moyan. It seems that it has become a habit to show his true emotions in front of Lin Moyan.

When retaliating against him, he would face him with the cruellest expression. When pursuing him, he would face him with the gentlest face. This kind of interaction where he didn’t have to conceal his true feelings was what Fang Yu had wanted for the last 10 years. In the dead of night, the awareness of being in the same room with Lin Moyan eased Fang Yu’s depressed mood.

As he laid there, he got more and more drowsy and finally fell asleep. The two stayed in the main house for three days and everything was the same as in Fang Yu’s house close to school. However, this time, Lin Moyan’s attitude towards Fang Yu was a bit softer. Lin Moyan also felt that something was wrong with Fang Yu but he couldn’t control Fang Yu’s behaviour. He couldn’t bear it and wanted to let Fang Yu feel more warmth in this cold and empty house.

T/N: I just finished reading Kaleidoscope of Death and I’m currently waiting for the last extra to be released but I just want to say that you should read it if you haven’t. It’s really well-written and I cried 3 times. The last arc made me feel so much different emotions at once, my mind is still reeling from what happened. I just can’t get over it dfbhrb

A/N: Thank you for the presents of Gebu, Xiao4, Xiaojia, and linainbus~~~ Thank you for voting, leaving comments and favorites~~~

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