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007

These few nights, Jiang Zi Yu could always hear the sound of rain coming from the outside. Within the ticking sounds of water, he would enter sleep, and then countlessly dream of the time Mu Ying Sheng’s figure was up on the stage, graceful and mesmerizing. Like when they met the first time, the other person would wave his sleeve towards himself, and then when he extended his hand, he would catch a blank.

He desperately called out the other person’s name from upper floor, but Mu Ying Sheng would only indifferently raise his head from the ground, and indifferently look at him, without any feeling whatsoever.

That night he held Mu Ying Sheng’s hand, he wanted to know even a small little bit, an instant, whether the other person was ever moved by himself for a moment. And then because of the timidness in his heart, he had the other person not tell him of the answer.

Jiang Zi Yu did not know if this could be considered as being in regret.

He laid on the bed- even if he did not eat nor drink, the medicinal pills that Shen Qing Yi had been feeding him was enough to ensure his life.

Inside this airtight and hollow house that made people grow fear from their hearts, the only thing Jiang Zi Yu liked to do was lay on the bed. Even if he could not sleep, it was fine. He would close his eyes, have himself hidden inside the darkness, and imagine that Mu Ying Sheng was still in front of him, or perhaps by his side, quietly, without saying a single word.

And within the dreams, he would also feel the other person’s mere sliver of warmth.

Even though there was no mirror inside the house, on a certain day when he raised his hands, he accidentally touched into the concave of his own cheek, as well as the protruding bone from it. Jiang Zi Yu thought, at this time, he must look very ugly, but as he dreamed more and more, he had a premonition he would soon be liberated.

The time during which Shen Qing Yi came to look at him also became longer and longer. There would even be times when he opened his eyes, the other person would already be standing beside his bed, quietly standing there. The other person’s gaze would become more unbridled and even more so remorseful. One day, he heard the other person’s throaty voice, but Jiang Zi Yu did not open his eyes.

“I have done so much for you, why is it that you are just not willing to like me?”

The other person’s hopeless feelings made Jiang Zi Yu couldn’t help but want to laugh. Shen Qing Yi said “he just only wanted his love.”

That kind of burning, unrestricted and unreserved love.

Jiang Zi Yu turned to his side to express his objection and silence towards Shen Qing Yi, and let the other person talk on about things he did not understand, and this conduct made people feel pitiful and laughable. He did not even understand how there would be such a person in this world that just because of desire, would forcefully break apart other people, or take priority in tormenting people.

He, too, desired a raw(?) kind of love, but he had never thought of have the other person detained by his side.

Listlessly passing through a long time, Jiang Zi Yu did not even know how many years had passed since Mu Ying Sheng’s death. He went by each day, each year in this unfamiliar environment in the same fashion, spending his lingering breathe inside the land of dreams.

He did not know what kind of method Shen Qing Yi used, but his hair had always remained in a jet-black state, never turning white; but faintly, when he opened his eyes to look at the ceiling, it was as though Mu Ying Sheng was over there smiling at him. But when he reached out, there was nothing at all.

Perhaps the other person also felt something- Shen Qing Yi continuously fed him some strange medicinal pills; When he saw a head of white on a certain day, then and there, Jiang Zi Yu’s eyes were brimming with tears.

The common people all sought methods to a long life, but did not ever know, if their most beloved person was not by their side, it was only just a round of torment without any end was all.

Compared to Jiang Zi Yu’s excitement, Shen Qing Yi was much more panicked. He continuously used forbidden medicine, and even did not follow Heaven’s rules and displayed his skills in front of regular people, and this idle work instead just quickened his slow death.

However much resentment he had for Shen Qing Yi previously, today was how much gratitude he had towards him.

Perhaps people who were soon to leave the world would have a premonition [of it]- Jiang Zi Yu, too, ambiguously had it. The light that had been not seen for a very long time seeped inside, and using the blinding sunlight, he withstood the prickling pain from the eyes and hazily saw the emaciated Shen Qing Yi. Jiang Zi Yu laughed, delighted and liberated[1].

“Take a look- you insisted on so much, but you could not obtain anything at all; so, Shen Qing Yi, what is it exactly are you pursuing after?”

“You don’t seem to like me that much and, instead, seem much more unresigned [towards me]. You would never ask me what I want, and would also never care about my opinion. You would only take what you have, what you want to give me, and give them to me completely, but would not take any heart to whether I want it or am able to accept it.” After saying so much, Jiang Zi Yu suddenly coughed, and a faint bloody scent filled inside the room. When he raised his hand up, he felt a stretch of bloodstain on the corner of his mouth, “I liked Mu Ying Sheng, and because of jealousy, you instead had him burned dead in front of me.”

“That is a life!” Jiang Zi Yu supported his body with one hand, and with the other hand, powerlessly grabbed on to the other person’s sleeve. He fiercely looked at Shen Qing Yi, and exerted himself in wanting to get close to the other person to let them have a clear look at the indispersing, dense hatred within his own eyes, “Just because he is not the person you care for, you can kill him off without any qualm whatsoever for your own selfishness.”

“Did you not say you like me! Didn’t you say you like me!?”

He wanted to shake the other person, but instead powerlessly fell on top of the bed heavily, with this plunge making him feel very dizzy. He covered his own eyes, and even laughed out loud, “I am not even begging you to love a house and its bird[2], but why must you hurt my most beloved person.”

What kind of sin did he commit, that would cause him to get involved with Shen Qing Yi, and from thus cause Mu Ying Sheng to die.

The other person originally could have left this bustling place far, far away, could be far away from him, and go through the life he wanted. But all of this was destroyed because of him.

Shen Qing Yi did not say anything, and only left. On a certain day, the other person sat by his bedside, held his hand, and softly called out his name.

After a very long time, Jiang Zi Yu did not reply with even one word. He heard the other person softly say, “I’m letting you go.”

“You are free.”

He opened his eyes and looked Shen Qing Yi, the other person’s eyes were dark, but when he saw him looking at himself, the eyes carried a slight brightness, “I’ve decided to no longer alter your fate.”

“If it’s like this, Jiang Zi Yu, can you not hate me that much.”

Jiang Zi Yu drew his hand out, and once again closed his eyes, “Shen Qing Yi, it’s too late.”

If it was earlier, just a bit earlier, early enough to the point Mu Ying Sheng could safely go through the life he wanted, early enough to let him head towards where the other person was, perhaps he would not detest Shen Qing Yi like this right now.

He honestly could not imagine why Shen Qing Yi would like himself.

But that was not all that important any more.

A hint of sleepiness came forward, and in front of Jiang Zi Yu’s eyes once again was a span of pitch black, dark. The only source of brightness was from Mu Ying Sheng on top of the stage, as though the other person was singing a song just for him, and he approached closer step by step.

Mu Ying Sheng smiled towards him, bowed the body. When he turned his head, the water sleeves half covered the face, and a eye of deep waters like spring looked at him. After he turned, the steps slightly retreated back, then when the long sleeve travelled forward, Jiang Zi Yu unconsciously extended his hand forward to grab it.

This time, it finally caught it.

Unknowingly, the misty rains outside came down. The branches with opened flower buds was still soaked with beads of rain, and the crow flapped its wings and called out a few times while circling the top of the eaves and flew away. Soon after, was the call of a magpie.

It was a call of happiness[3].

[1] 释怀- the term refers to being liberated from feelings, worries, ideas from the heart. Being able to ‘let go’.

[2] 爱屋及乌- or the English equivalent, ‘love me, love my dog’. To love one thing on account of another.

[3] The magpie, in Chinese culture, is a signal for good fortune as its name (喜鹊) indicates.

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