V1C7

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007

Zhao Li Xin suddenly had a dream about his childhood again. That year of white snow, he submissively brought a lunch box over to his third Imperial Brother.

The Grand Tutor that was still young at that time gave him a smile, then left. After seeing the Grand Tutor leave, that usually obedient and friendly prince immediately changed his expression, threw away the lunch box in his hand, and looked at him with a expression of disgust. Taking the handkerchief from the maid beside him, he wiped his hands, as though rubbing off something dirty, “What do you think you are? What makes you think you can touch the food that I eat?”

He looked down at the delicate pastries sprinkled all over the ground, and the extremely arrogant Imperial Brother, and softly said, “Imperial Brother, I am your Sister.”

“I don’t have a Sister like you.” The Third Prince scornfully laughed, and heavily bumped into his shoulder as he left, using a voice only the two could hear,

“You disgusting freak.”

The maid-in-waiting that originally followed him courteously held out the umbrella and left with the Third Prince. The snow fell onto Zhao Li Xin’s body, gradually damping his clothes.

What was it that he heard Mother always tell Father? Ming Zhe was the most charitable and benevolent- he wouldn’t have the heart to stomp on even an ant. When he heard about how many citizens had no homes to return to, and didn’t have enough to eat nor enough to dress warmly, he became even more resolute in working hard to so that he could help carry the burdens of the Emperor.

The young Zhao Li Xin of that time did not understand- his own Imperial Brother would even have pity towards a single ant, but only towards him, he would not even want to lift a finger for him; After a long time, he had finally understood- even an ant had the smallest use for the Third Prince. And for the Third Prince, he wasn’t even anything. Of course he wouldn’t even spare anything for him.

This was the Imperial Concubine Liu’s so-called charitable and benevolent good son.

Because of the cold wind entering his body that day, he ended up extremely sick, with a fever the entire day and night, but there was not even one person to help look after him. But on the next day, the originally empty palace had suddenly livened up. The mother that wouldn’t even care for him normally suddenly embraced him weeping, crying and calling out to her Xin’er.

He had thought this woman had really felt a sliver of pity, but within the confusion, he heard the delicate and touching words of “Your Majesty”, and woke up in the next instant.

It was laughable how he still indulged in such wishful thinking.Who wouldn’t know the other party was hoping for the Emperor’s pity, that only then would she be willing to put out the facade of a loving mother.

Gradually, he no longer hoped that Imperial Concubine Liu would look at him. But since when was it that his ambitions had gradually swollen up? Was it when Imperial Concubine Liu would nonstop talk about how he would become an official eternally, or was it Third Prince’s words of “disgusting freak” that day?

He turned his attention to the imperial academy’s Grand Tutor. He had especially gathered information about the places he would cross that day. Borrowing from his mother those facades she’d use with the Emperor, he successfully used the other party’s compassion, and gained his little freedom and the opportunity to gain more knowledge.

Zhao Li Xin had previously yearned for that high position. He wanted to steal away everything that Imperial Concubine Liu and the Third Prince had so dearly wanted. So what if he would be all alone?

He madly scooped up anything that could be of use- buying the support of others while leaving no trace, growing his influence under the Emperor’s eyes. Each step was like treading on thin ice, in fear that one wrong step would make him fall into the bottomless abyss.

But when he was taken in by the Fu residence, how happy he was during that time. Over there, he didn’t need to play clever to receive enough respect and love, that it would even make him think- how nice it would be if he were a child of the Fu family.

Those comfortable days would eventually wear away one’s purpose. From Mother Fu’s tender love, he was able to experience what was called motherly love, and from Fu Miao Han’s “exchange of handkerchiefs”, he was able to experience the taste of having an older sister. But what was most important, was still Fu Hong Wen.

The Fu Hong Wen that would sing to him while drinking with himself, and even cheer him on from the side, comfort him, praise him, and even redden his face and ears when he would take a bit of an initiative to get closer to him.

But he was married to Fu Hong Wen for only five years. It had only been a mere five short years- the wonderful days in his memories he was able to obtain lasted no more than four years, after which everything had changed. The two elders of the Fu family who were originally affectionate had begun to show resentment toward him; Fu Miao Han who once respected and protected him even regretted matching them together; and the husband who stood by the peach blossom that year smiling, calling him Qing Qing[1] , had also betrayed him.

What was more terrifying was, he also dreamed about those unborn infants every night tangling around him.

The common people would say his heart was venomous, completely unafraid of the consequences. He was afraid. He truly was. He would even dream about being harassed by those infants, eating his flesh and drinking his blood; but then he would think as he had Fu Hong Wen it would be okay. He was content with just having this one person.

Then what?

Having awakened from the dream, in the end, he had nothing left.

When he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was a weary looking Fu Hong Wen by the bed. When that person saw his eyes open, he turned extremely excited, and hurriedly made way for the doctor to examine him, then finely inquired the doctor what he needed to be aware of, just like an ordinary wife-loving husband.

After Fu Hong Wen had boiled the medicine, he patiently blew on the liquid, and fed it to him once it was at a suitable temperature. Zhao Li Xin saw the burn wounds on his hands, then coolly drank the medicinal soup. He moved his lips, but could not come to say anything.

Once the bowl of medicine had been finished, a dollop of candied gourd had been held up to his mouth. Zhao Li Xin raised his head to look at him, opened his mouth and bit into it- the sour and sweet taste spreaded inside his mouth, and held down the bitterness of the medicine he had consumed earlier.

“Xin’er, let’s not fight from now on.” Fu Hong Wen brought his empty hand to hold his, and lowered his head to look down at the bright red candied gourd in his other, not letting the other person see his current expression, “If you don’t like that woman, wait until the child is born, then we will sent her off far away. That child will become ours, whether it’s a boy or girl, we will have just this one. From now, we will raise the child together, and we will be the child’s mother and father.”

“From now on, I will really only have you. I won’t disappoint you any more.”

Such sweet words, like a knife that had been heated inside the fire, it mercilessly pierced into his heart right in the middle, without a hint of deviating in the slightest.

The bitter taste that was originally held down had come back up, bringing with it a wave of sourness- and in next moment, Zhao Li Xin had vomited out all the medicine and the candied gourd he just ate. The stick of candied gourd in Fu Hong Wen’s hand had too been dropped amidst the fluster, dirtied in the middle of the mess, unable to make out its original shiny red appearance.

Zhao Li Xin laughed- he didn’t know who it was he was laughing at; whether it was at Concubine Liu, or the Third Prince, or even at everyone, including himself.

“Get out.”

“Xin’er……”

“I said to get out.”

He was no longer hopeful. All these things were fake- all of this was just a dream of his. Zhao Li Xin couldn’t be any more awake- he knew what he wanted now.

He didn’t want Fu Hong Wen. He wanted that throne.

Even if that path was ragged and filled with thorns, he was to be the ruler under this sky[2].

[1] 卿卿- An old term of endearment used between spouses who are in particularly affectionate. Not to be confused with when there is a single ‘Qing’- which can be a term for an official in the courts.

[2] Synonymous with ‘country’.

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