Chapter 3

After closing the door, I felt a slight regret.

--I couldn't let it go.

I should have just given a casual response, but I ended up saying something extra.

It's no use regretting it now.

"Hey, move out of the way--"

Shizuka-san was right in front of me, glaring at me as if I was blocking the way.

But I could tell she wasn't really glaring. She was just asking.

"Excuse me..."

When I moved aside, Shizuka-san went into the classroom.

She must have forgotten something.

I headed to the audio-visual room before Saito-san came out.

During lunch break, I eat at my desk while reading a book.

It's no use worrying about Saito-san. I should just forget about it.

Hardly any students talk to me when I'm reading a book.

I don't like the noise in the classroom, and I'd rather eat on the roof, but it's off-limits.

Still, many students go to other classes or the courtyard, so the number of students in the classroom is surprisingly low.

As always, only around me and Shizuka-san was it quiet.

Saito-san seemed to be in a depressed mood, and her popular friends were trying to comfort her.

It seems Saito-san hasn't been spreading rumors about me.

But I've been feeling the gaze of the popular boys.

It's the kind of gaze I know well. Suspicion, twisted sense of justice... and jealousy?

--I'll just sleep it off.

Just as I was about to close my book and go to sleep, a girl I didn't know came up to me.

"Hey, hey, Shinjo-kun. Can I eat lunch with you? Oh, you're already done? Then let's talk!"

This is another kind of landmine. She tries to be friendly, but it ends badly.

I've experienced this before in middle school.

It was a cold winter day.

A girl student came up to me, who was alone. I forgot her last name, but she called herself Nanako. After the Saito incident, I was hated by everyone and had closed my heart.

Nanako would come to me every break.

The other students tried to stop her. --You'll be assaulted, groped, tricked, or hit.

But Nanako, whose last name I forgot, smiled and tried to befriend me.

Before I knew it, I was telling her about my situation, bit by bit.

...It wasn't that I liked her. That kind of feeling had disappeared. Maybe I was just tired of being alone.

One day, she invited me to karaoke.

I hesitated. A boy and a girl in a closed room. It would lead to more rumors.

She said she would bring friends.

I thought maybe I could return to a normal life.

I was naive. I shouldn't have let my guard down.

"You're the one who's hitting on Nanako, right? You're a weirdo, aren't you? Gross."

"Nanako? Did you really think she'd come?"

"Anyway, take out what's in your bag. We'll play with you!"

I see, I get betrayed over and over again.

When I went to the designated karaoke box, there were some sleazy guys. Maybe they were from another school?

One of the sleazy guys was on the phone with someone on his smartphone.

He put it on speaker.

"Ah, Shinjo-kun, are you listening? I can't make it... If you want, you can hang out with everyone! They're all nice people!"

It was her familiar voice.

I see, "hang out," huh...

The sleazy guys' laughter echoed in the karaoke box.

I hate that I make the same mistake.

I don't remember how I escaped. I felt like I was causing trouble for my family again. I thought my stepsister would mock me.

No tears came. Instead, the old wound in my head from the Saito incident started to throb.

"Hey, hey, Shinjo-kun? You look far away. Are you okay?"

I'm fine. No problem. I'm different from back then.

I put on a fake smile and said,

"Thank you for your concern. But I was just about to read my book--"

"Ah, you were just about to close it, right? Come on, let's talk!"

I only felt good intentions from her. I shouldn't let myself be drawn in. I'll end up regretting it.

But she was surprisingly pushy, even though I didn't know her name.

I glanced at Shizuka-san's seat next to me.

--Should I be disliked to the point where I don't cause problems?

Shizuka-san had a troubled look on her face.

She looks scary, but that's just her face.

I found myself speaking without thinking.

"Shizuka-san, I'm done with this book. Can I borrow yours?"

"Eh? Shizuka-san?"

I don't know why I said that. But she probably wants some peace too.

"......Damn, here you go."

Shizuka-san gave me the book with a very annoyed look.

She didn't want to get involved with me.

She handled the book carefully, not throwing it at me.

I also gave her my book.

"...Thank you."

We both started reading silently.

No one tries to interact with Shizuka-san. She's disliked, and there are many rumors about her.

No one knows if they're true, but people judge her based on rumors.

I don't want people like that to come near me.

The girl I didn't know kept looking at me and Shizuka-san, then went back to her friends.

Looking back, I should have ignored her and let her leave.

I didn't understand my own actions.

When the girl left, Shizuka-san and I silently exchanged books again.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Mi-yu, cheer up and let's go to karaoke!"

"Yeah, Mi-yu-chan! I'll treat you!"

"If anything happens, just tell us. We'll protect you as friends!"

"U-um, yeah, everyone! Let's go to karaoke!"

The popular group is always so noisy. It looks like they're competing in some invisible way.

--I should go home quickly. It's a hassle to be bothered by someone. I need to update my novel today. I wrote on the status board that I'd update tonight.

I heard a familiar voice.

I wanted to ignore it.

"O-onii-chan!! Let's go home together! Look, Mom asked me to do a lot of shopping, so I need you to carry it!"

I can't do that, even if we're family. I'll just cause more trouble for my family.

My stepsister, Haruka, came to the classroom.

This is the first time she's done this.

But if it's a family matter... I have no choice.

"Understood. Please give me the shopping list. I'll buy it, so you can go home first."

"Eh, a, ugh... The list... I lost it... It's in my head! Yeah, so let's go together!"

It's a waste of time to question it. I just want to finish quickly.

"...Understood."

I stood up.

The gazes from the boys were painful. They seem to be jealous of me going out with my good-looking stepsister.

It's very troublesome.

When did it start? When I grew taller during my growth spurt, I started to be more hygienic to avoid causing trouble for my family, and I tried to live a serious school life. I write my hobby novels in my free time. That's all I do.

Since then, I've had more annoying confessions and landmines. And it's still the same now.

The boys' unpleasant gazes are piercing.

I put on a fake smile for them, and the pressure of their gazes lessens.

Yes, it's important to let it go.

We left the school.

I walk a few steps behind my stepsister.

'If I walk next to a criminal, people will think I'm a bad kid too. Stay away!'

'Perverts are dirty, don't get close!'

'Living under the same roof as a pervert... Haruka, you're so pitiful...'

I was scolded by my stepmother for not keeping my distance from my stepsister.

Haruka also acted out like a tantrum.

"Hey, hey, can't we walk side by side? Why are you so far away?"

That's why I recognize this distance as the best.

When Haruka stops, I stop too.

When Haruka tries to get closer, I move away.

"...I'm still annoyed."

"I'm sorry, I'll get scolded by my stepmother."

When I mention my stepmother, Haruka makes a bitter face and starts walking again. She has the same face as my stepmother.

"Hey, hey, I'll carry one too. Isn't it heavy?"

I memorize the shopping list Haruka told me and run around the supermarket separately. The shopping is done quickly.

Haruka looked stunned, but this is how I always shop.

"It's fine. If I let Haruka carry the bags, she'll get mad--"

"A, u, um... Let's go then."

Haruka and I left the supermarket again, keeping our distance.

This distance calms my mind.

"Wow... There are delinquents walking. ...Scary."

Shizuka-san, wearing a school uniform and carrying shopping bags, was walking towards us.

She looked unusually happy, holding her smartphone.

"That creepy laugh is scary... Wait, is that our school uniform?"

Shizuka-san and I made eye contact. A glare. ...Is she nearsighted? She always has wrinkles between her eyebrows.

I tried to put on my usual fake smile--

But I couldn't.

I don't know why.

I ended up with a straight face. Did I not want to hide it?

--We just passed each other.

No greetings, just a glance.

The right distance.

"Hey, hey, Onii-chan, that's our school, right? That's the rumored delinquent girl! She had a scary look! But, delinquents are... lame."

"......"

"Hey, what? I can't hear you! Get closer!"

Haruka's words were grating on my ears.

We passed the park.

"Hey, hey, Onii-chan! This is a nostalgic park! Remember, we played a lot here!"

"Let's go home."

"Aw, come on, let's play like we used to!"

Haruka went into the park.

I sighed and followed.

"Wow, nostalgic! We built a sandcastle here together, remember?"

"Yes."

--I have the memory, but it's not a memory.

The shopping bags were digging into my arm, hurting. I wanted to go home quickly. I wanted to update my novel. Someone is waiting for it.

Haruka suddenly became quiet.

"Hey, Onii-chan... Why did Haruka and Onii-chan stop getting along...?"

"......Eh?"

I couldn't help but speak. It must have been quite a shock.

"Because, Onii-chan was always attached to Shizuka, and never paid attention to Haruka... Even as a kid, I wanted to be mean to you..."

I see, it's a difference in moral awareness.

Believing rumors and treating me badly. Lying to our parents.

She didn't realize her actions were hurting others.

Haruka continued talking on the swing.

"But, Onii-chan is also to blame for not paying attention to me. But, I understand now. The rumors about Onii-chan were wrong. ...There's no way such a cool Onii-chan would do those things! I was the only one who believed in you!!"

Haruka jumped off the swing.

The swing creaked and swayed.

I kept watching it.

I calmed my mind. I'm not wrong.

A fake smile appears.

I don't have the right to speak harshly to my family.

Still, I--

"Sorry... Please don't call me Onii-chan anymore. The past can't be erased. ...Haruka, let's go home."

Haruka had a puzzled look on her face.

It seems my words didn't get through.

Is she really forgetting her past actions?

"Eh, um... What do you mean? Hey, Onii-chan? I mean, Shin-kun? Never mind, let's go home!"

In a way, I let it go.

It's just troublesome if I have problems with my family.

"Sorry, the frozen items will melt, so I'll go home first. Take your time."

"Eh, Onii-chan!?"

I started running. The bags dug into my arm, but I didn't care.

I kept running until I was out of breath.

The physical pain was much more comfortable.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

My mind was in turmoil, and I couldn't write as I wanted.

There was a message in the notification bar.

--You have a message.

Name: Pomeko

Subject: Support!

"Today's update is my only reason to live! I'm super excited! Hehe, I'm a loner at school, so the teacher's talk is my only salvation... Please keep it up!"

When I saw that message, I--was able to resume writing.

I was able to achieve a flat state of mind.

Thank you, Pomeko-san--

Then, late at night, I heard Haruka crying from her room.

"Eeeeee!! That's what it means!? Why... Oni... snif... Oni..."

I managed to post that day.

Thank you for your support! I'll try to update every day.

Your support through bookmarks and star ratings is very encouraging!