Chapter 5

――I am perfectly calm. I don’t feel anything... No, wait, forget it. I need to focus on the continuation of my novel. The new character, the dog anthro, just appeared... Dog... Is Pomeko a Pomeranian? Stupid, don’t think about that, calm down, it’s not like Pomeko is set in stone yet.

I glanced at Shinotani, and the wrinkles between her eyebrows had deepened.

She was muttering something in a low voice.

"...Nyan-ta..."

My hand twitched, and I accidentally dropped the textbook on the desk to the floor.

――Nyan-ta is my pen name.

My heart started racing. When was the last time I felt this anxious? It’s different from when I felt betrayed. I started breaking out in a strange sweat.

I picked up the textbook and took a deep breath.

――It’s fine. Shinotani and I aren’t friends. We have nothing to do with each other. I’ll just forget about this...

The door to the classroom creaked open, and the teacher entered.

"Good morning, let’s start the homeroom."

That’s right, it’s no big deal. Even if Shinotani is a reader, she won’t have anything to do with me.

I don’t make friends. There’s no one in this world I can trust.

...Seeing the message had made me feel relieved, but I was weakening.

That’s right, deleting the message will bring me peace of mind and make me stronger—

...Not now. The teacher is here, so I can’t take out my phone. I’ll delete the message later.

It felt like I was telling myself a pointless lie.

I knew deep down that I didn’t want to delete the message.

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Today, the day ended quickly. It felt like it was over in an instant.

It’s now the time for the after-school homeroom. The teacher is explaining the upcoming events.

I want to go home early today...

I’m tired from the trouble this morning. But now, Miyazaki probably won’t talk to me anymore. Is that okay? I’m starting to feel a bit uneasy... Miyazaki isn’t as innocent as my stepsister, but she is quite natural. Alright, I need to change my mindset.

In the end, I couldn’t delete Pomeko’s message.

Every time I tried to delete it, I felt sick.

――So I decided not to delete it because it made me feel sick. Once I made that decision, I felt relieved. The sick feeling went away.

...Well, it’s fine for now.

Shinotani, who sits next to me, is glaring at the blackboard.

She looks like a delinquent. She has a very intimidating presence. Her tone this morning sounded scary.

She must be keeping people at a distance by making them feel intimidated.

Intimidation and strong hostility.

It’s the same as my fake smiles, casual responses, and cautious actions.

I shook my head lightly. I shouldn’t think about Shinotani anymore.

It’s better not to get involved.

According to the teacher’s after-school homeroom announcement, there will be a field trip after the mid-term exams.

...Group formation. It’s always such a hassle.

—It reminded me of the field trip in middle school.

In middle school, no one wanted me in their group. When I joined a group, the atmosphere would turn bad. I was treated like a dirty object. To put it mildly, I was a nuisance. On the day of the field trip, I never acted with the group. The group members would leave me behind and do their own thing.

I acted alone in a crowd of students.

It was an overwhelming sense of loneliness.

At amusement parks, zoos, camps, and aquariums.

Not just students, but couples and families would look at me with pity.

I thought no one cared, but my homeroom teacher did.

The teacher was a new hire, full of enthusiasm.

He would often talk to me and show concern for my loneliness.

Even when I said, "I’m fine," he would keep pushing.

Back then, I didn’t trust any of the students. ...Maybe adults could help, I thought in the back of my mind.

I tried to go to the staff room a few times to talk to him. ...But I hesitated.

Maybe the teacher saw me. So—

One day during homeroom, it happened—

"Alright, that’s all for the announcements! ...Oh, one more thing, a request from the teacher."

The teacher glanced at me as he said this.

I had a terrible feeling. The teacher, who tended to act impulsively, didn’t see the dynamics among the students. Or maybe, having had a wonderful youth, he thought it was the right thing to do?

"There’s a student in this class who is alone, and the teacher feels sad. Since we’re all in the same class, we should all get along! Being alone is sad. Have the courage to talk to them!! If anything happens, come to the teacher! ...Bullying is absolutely not allowed! Ha ha, just kidding!"

I felt hopeless. I don’t need a crush, I don’t need friends, I don’t need anyone to trust.

—I just want to live a peaceful life.

The atmosphere in the classroom became heavy.

The teacher smiled at us.

He must have had a wonderful youth. It was the worst move he could have made.

My life, which was lonely but peaceful, changed in an instant because of the teacher’s words.

Students who shouldn’t have been involved—

"Did you snitch on us?"

"Hey, we weren’t bullying you. You’re just a liar."

"It makes us look bad. What if our grades suffer?"

"Are you a snitch? You’re finished."

What used to be whispered behind my back was now out in the open.

There was no physical violence against me, as everyone was afraid of it.

But they didn’t know. Physical pain was nothing compared to this.

Verbal violence—kills.

After that, I saw the teacher watching me from a distance. —Maybe he thought the students were having a friendly conversation? He left with a satisfied look on his face.

You can’t trust adults just because they are adults.

My current teacher is relatively detached. I only asked for his presence twice during the fake confession. I can’t keep asking.

If he suddenly changes, it will be a hassle.

—Alright, let’s go home.

As I was about to stand up with my bag, Shinotani glared at me with furrowed brows. I could feel the intimidation, but I wasn’t scared.

I couldn’t even manage a fake smile.

"...Excuse me—"

I almost forgot to use polite language. Polite language is very effective for keeping people at a distance.

Shinotani started kicking her desk.

It felt like she had something to say but couldn’t.

"—More... No, what are you looking at? Don’t get too familiar, hmpf."

She snorted and left the classroom.

As I watched Shinotani leave, Saito approached me.

"Hey, are you friends with Shinotani? I find her a bit difficult—"

"Yes—"

I tried to give a casual response to get rid of Saito. I was too tired and annoyed to deal with her today.

Saito, who wasn’t wearing her glasses, kept talking to me.

"Well, the last time I talked to you, I was shocked... But I thought, I need to move forward! Yeah, the past can’t be erased... I can’t forget the library where I used to hang out with you. It was so much fun? Hehe, I was so plain back then, I couldn’t talk to boys... But you were special... Maybe it was my first love? Kyaa! That’s embarrassing. —Aren’t you lonely being alone? I know what happened after that, right? Your stepsister, Miyazaki, and Nanako, and like, the others... Huh? Your reaction... You didn’t know?"

"...Yes—"

I see, there are still troublesome people around... I didn’t recognize them because I had erased their faces from my memory.

"So, I was wrong too, but let’s be friends from now on?"

"That’s not necessary—"

"Ahaha, it’s okay! Well, I learned from dating games! They said it’s okay to reflect and try hard even if you do something bad!"

I see, the troublesome ones aren’t just my stepsister and childhood friend.

Plus, Saito is strong-willed. She’s trying to involve herself despite knowing she’s wrong. Does Saito have a heart? She’s a troublesome person.

Saito took out a stylish pair of glasses from her pocket and put them on.

"Hehe, don’t they look great? They’re my favorite— I thought you’d like them!"

Looking at Saito with her glasses on, I felt something welling up from deep inside.

It had been so long since I felt this way, I couldn’t remember the last time.

I felt frustration and hatred rising—

Memories from middle school flooded back.

It was my fault. I shouldn’t have tried to fight back against the malice.

Why was it my fault? I was just trying to protect myself—

No one would listen to my defense. There’s nothing to trust.

Don’t let emotions overwhelm you. I don’t feel anything. I’m supposed to be empty.

I’m losing control—

Unconsciously, I must have wanted to calm myself down by looking at past messages.

I took out my phone and opened my profile.

—Huh?

There was a message in red text.

"...Um, it’s Pomeko! A lot has happened... but I’m really looking forward to the updates! Can I keep sending you support messages? Um, I’ll keep sending them even if you don’t reply. ♡, Pomeko"

It was a short message.

But I could feel the sentiment behind it—she must have rewritten it many times. I thought I would never receive another message. After all, we both realized.

But she still sent me a message. Just as Pomeko—

I felt like I was recalling a different emotion from the depths of my memory.

I almost forgot about Saito standing in front of me.

So, I was feeling ‘happy’ when I saw Pomeko’s message.

That’s why my mind felt flat and calm...

How long has it been? Feeling happy...

Pomeko looks forward to my novel.

There’s no betrayal in that. If anything, I might be the one to betray by leaving it unfinished.

Alright, let’s go home and write with this feeling.

I took off my fake smile and tried to pass by Saito.

Right, I should comment on her glasses or it would be rude.

I whispered softly.

"—You were much cuter before, Saito..."

"—Huh!? What do you mean—"

My empty heart felt a little filled by the message.

It’s okay, I won’t make the same mistake again—

I left the classroom with the door open.

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