Chapter 13 - The little 19 who's about to go offline

Trigger warning for cutting.

The dropdown will contain the act of cutting and any mentions of it.

There are still mentions of blood, so if that is triggering for you, leave a comment so that I can fix the dropdown.

The house smelled of the gardenias that Xie Mu had set on the table before leaving that morning.

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

At present, on the long sofa facing the doorway lay two people, one on top, one on bottom, both improperly dressed.

The youth noticed pale-faced the man pressing down on top.

He had removed his glasses, and his face was slightly red. His hands were on the clothes of the person below. Upon moving his gaze lower and seeing the exposed fair flesh of the gorgeous woman, Xie Mu could not help but look away, unable to continue staring.

Tan Tao regained his clarity the moment his eyes, hazy from his lust, discerned clearly the person standing outside the door. He hurriedly pushed aside the woman below him, eyes panicked. He tried to explain stuttering, “Darling, this isn’t what you think; it’s not what you think it is…”

“Tao ge, what’re you saying, ne? Is this your new lover?”

Comparatively to the two men in the situation, the woman was not actually that flustered. She leisurely sat up to fix her clothes, her mouth, smudged with a beautiful red, calmly opening and closing, spouting words that made Tan Tao wish to choke her to death.

“I can see that this little fellow is also pretty handsome, the type that you like ah. Do you want to play together?”

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Xie Mu’s pallid face grew a shade paler. He parroted her words, stiffly parting his lips, “The type that he likes?”

“Get out!”

Tan Tao shoved away the woman who was trying to snuggle up to him, struggling to stand up. He reached out a hand towards the youth outside the doorway, “Xiao Mu, listen to me first…”

He arrived in front of the doorway, but when he wanted to touch his lover as he had before, Xie Mu turned his body around, avoiding his hand.

The man’s outstretched hand froze in place.

“Fake…”

The youth’s eyes reddened as he stared down the person in front of him, trying stubbornly to bite back his tears, “It’s all fake…”

“Xiao Mu, listen to me; I really wasn’t…”

Tan Tao’s hand remained frozen mid-air, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. His voice was hoarse as he tried to justify himself, “I was working when she suddenly came to find me. She pushed me down onto the sofa, and then, you opened the door. I really didn’t…”

“You didn’t…”

Xie Mu took a step back, his nose filled with the fragrance of gardenias, “You’re manipulating me; I know you’re manipulating me…”

“You don’t actually like me; you like the person from the past…”

“What lifetime together, waiting until…waiting until we’re old to rock our rocking chairs together…it’s all lies…” He desperately tried to hold back his tears, but his sobbing tone was still evident.

“From the time I woke up, you told me we’re lovers. That was another trick to manipulate me. Actually…you only like this face!”

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“It’s not, Xiao Mu, it’s not like that. I really like you, truly…”

“Those, those words, they’re all true!”

“True?”

The youth looked at him as if he were seeing a stranger, “Your like is to tell me you want to spend a lifetime with me while touching other women when I’m not here!”

Tan Tao’s heart skipped a beat at the foreign look in his lover’s eyes. In his panic, his eyes fell upon the knife to the side. He immediately picked it up, cutting lacerations into his arm as if he were scraping off something dirty.

“Xiao Mu, I cleansed the places where I touched her. Don’t, don’t be mad at me…”

Within a second, fresh blood was flowing in rivets, Xie Mu’s expression was dazed, his eyes instantly panicked and heart-ached. He wanted to staunch the flow of blood, but it was like his feet were stuck to the ground, unable to move.

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

“I, I made it clean. Look…”

The man’s arms were drenched in blood, but his face showed a smile as if he were asking for praise, “Xiao Mu, look. It’s clean…”

At seeing the droplets of blood on the floor, the woman behind them widened her eyes appalled. She hastily got off the sofa to retrieve her bag, rushing out

Lunatics, they’re all lunatics.

The youth was stuck in place, his vision a sea of red.

While Tan Tao was hurt badly, he appeared as if he felt nothing of it, trying hard to smile at his lover, “Darling, I’m clean…”

He walked forward a step. Disregarding the youth’s struggles, he forced the other into his embrace. Fresh blood dyed Xie Mu’s clothes red as the man’s rough voice sounded by his ear: “Trust me, alright?”

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

The youth looked up blankly, bloodshot eyes meeting his gaze.

They were full of affection, but also full of a panicked fear of loss.

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He wanted to know the answer, wanted to know what his existence meant in the eyes of Tan Tao, who he had thought of as his life.

Tan Tao did not need to reply as his eyes, which immediately lit up with joy, had already destroyed the hopes of the 19-year-old youth.

His lover only liked the 22-year-old him.

Did he see another person through him whenever he spoke words of affection, just like this time?

And the funny thing was that he could no longer return to who he was before.

The youth closed his eyes, boiling hot tears rolling down his face. His lips curled into a bitter smile as he spoke with difficulty, “I believe you.”

Believe that you love that person that much.

At that answer, the man was in disbelief, but also pleasantly surprised. He tightly held onto the person in his embrace, almost unable to believe that he had won his forgiveness so easily.

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“Xiao Mu…”

Xie Mu raised his head, taking the initiative to kiss his lips for the first time. It was only a light kiss, a teardrop leaking out from the corner of his eyes, undiscovered.

He spoke softly, “Don’t call me that. I don’t like that nickname.”

He was no longer that 22-year-old Xie Mu, who Tan Tao loved, but a thief who stole the owner’s all.

Tan Tao hugged him, calling out, “Darling.”

The youth snuggled into the man’s embrace docilely, the hug very warm, yet cold enough freeze his entire body.

“It’s not that I was not meticulous enough or that I didn’t try hard enough; he even saw us take off our clothes. Tan Tao almost did it with me, but he actually still forgave him…”

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The woman’s voice was full of helplessness in disbelief that there actually existed a person on earth this dumb and gullible.

But it was Tan Tao ah. Who in the circle didn’t know that he had had countless lovers, never rejecting anyone’s advances. He really believed him with only a few nice words.

That appearance also did not seem like that of someone still attending school. How was he so easily manipulated?

Of course, she did not know that Xie Mu, who looked like an adult, was only 19-years-old mentally. Faced with his boss shirking his duties, he could only take his bag and retreat.

Inside the car, the man’s face was dark.

He pressed a few buttons on his phone with a frigid face. A few minutes later, his phone call went through.

“Did you find a way for him to recover his memories?”

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“These past few days, we have been researching and discovered a strange phenomenon.”

“The patient has not only forgotten the past 3 years; his memories of when he was sixteen are also blurry. Even regarding everything that happened before the accident, he only has a vague idea. There is very possibly a misdiagnosis.”

“The patient is not amnesiac. Instead, the hurt he experienced prior to the car accident was too much for him. Thus, a secondary personality was aroused to protect himself.”

The man’s slim hand slowly clenched. Eyes grim, his alluring voice repeated lowly, “A secondary personality?”

His fingers drummed against the steering wheel, “So to speak, this personality is different from the past Xie Mu?”

“Then what if the two personalities fall in love with different people, ne?”

“According to logical thought, different personalities’ preferences are also different. This is not a common occurrence in the medical field.”

Bo Qin’s lips slowly hooked up.

So, it was like this.

No wonder Xie Mu, who had once liked him so much, now only had rejection for him, his heart completely hung up on Tan Tao.

“Considering the data as of now, the primary personality still hasn’t made any exchanges with the other personality. Perhaps it might be that he does not want to awaken. The probability of waking up is not great. If the second personality is not violent or illegally inclined, then according to Chinese law, it can go wholly unchecked and free.”

Go wholly unchecked and free?

How can that be, ne?

22-year-old Xie Mu, logical, mature, abhorrent of Tan Tao who had humiliated him, willing to die for him.

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

19-year-old Xie Mu, naive, tender, whole-heartedly in love with Tan Tao, distant and unfamiliar with him.

The choice for which one, was it not obvious?

“Professor Zhao, try to arrange a treatment. I want to completely eliminate the 19-year-old personality.”

No, wait.

He had a better idea.

The beautiful man turned his body slightly, peering up at the tall building next to him, lips slowly stretching widely.

What if he let Tan Tao do it?

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That night, Xie Mu and Tan Tao slept on one bed.

They didn’t do anything. Tan Tao only held the youth in his embrace, basking in his pliancy, lightly patting his back.

“Darling…”

Eyes hazy with sleep, he asked, “When do you want to recover your memories?”

The slender fingers settled on the side of the bed moved as the youth lay on top of the man’s chest, listening to the oppressive heartbeats inside.

“Peng! Peng!”

Really pleasant-sounding, he thought.

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“When do you want me to recover them?”

Tan Tao had not a shred of hesitation: “Of course, the sooner, the better.”

The youth quietly listened to the sound of the heartbeats, eyes desolate. To hide the tears about to burst out, he closed his eyes before softly speaking:

“I’ll listen to you.”

The person he likes likes another him.

Then, he’ll return him, ba.