Chapter 4 - Selling a House

“What you said most likely isn’t wrong… I am a little self-righteous sometimes… Assuming what I do is for your own good…”

Wen Yang’s voice is very nice to listen to. It carries a unique, low and clear echo within the darkness of the night.

Even after I said all those unreasonable things, Wen Yang actually apologized to me. I couldn’t be any more ashamed 1 .

He paused, then continued to say, “In the future, I’ll pay more attention to this. Oftentimes, I don’t think much about it and just want to help you. I always thought of you as my best…”

“It’s good that you know.” All of a sudden, I couldn’t keep listening anymore, so I directly cut him off.

My dignified and superior 2 Wen Yang. Even under the influence of drugs, the unyielding Wen Yang never bowed his head. How can he lower his voice and apologize? Clearly, it was him who was wronged and suffered unfair treatment, yet he still explained and said sorry to me. My heart was inconsolable, so I’ve always relied on his patience and forgiveness towards me; however, doing so just hurts him more and more 3 .

“I’m grateful for what you’ve done for me, but when I see you, I’m reminded of my pathetic past. I want to forget and start anew; therefore, I don’t want our paths intersect anymore. After we graduate, we’ll go our separate ways. There’s no need to contact each other again. To be honest, you really did make my university life much easier, but in the future, there’s practically nothing you can help me with. I heard you were driven out by your family, and without their support, what more can you accomplish…”

Smash……

It was the sound of glass shattering.

The glass cup was thrown on the ground with great force, the shards scattering in all directions.

Startled, I lifted my head to look at Wen Yang. Wen Yang’s hand was shaking as he gripped it into a fist. His face expressed a look of disappointment and indignation; above all, he was silently enduring the pain he felt, making an effort to suppress his wrath ready to burst out.

My heart ached so much that I found it a bit difficult to breathe. I wanted nothing more than to immediately kneel down and beg for forgiveness, but I know I have to let him give up on me for good. Now that I’ve entered his life again, knowing my obsession, I’m very certain I will not be able to control myself. Wen Yang is like my demon of temptation 4 ; I can’t give him up, so I can only use a knife to cleanly sever our ties.

“You can rest assured,” he said, word by word, “I… will never bother you again in the future.”

I felt extremely at peace. I slowly turned my body and descended the ladder from his bed then shuffled back to my bed.

Lying in bed, I thought about the various experiences in my past life and how this life felt like suddenly entering a dream. My mind muddled over everything the entire night, unable to escape from these thoughts. Before dawn, I gathered up my documents and headed out.

──────

Carrying the medication prescribed by the school clinic, I barely got a chance to sit down on the train before getting a call from Guo Yu.

“Shi Shan, where are you?”

“I’m on the train heading back to my family home to take care of a few things.”

“Why all of a sudden? Did you fight with Wen Yang?

I paused for a second before responding, “No, no. It’s nothing.”

“Is it amusing to lie to me? Otherwise, where did the blood on the ground come from? Wasn’t everything okay when I left that day? Wen Yang normally provides offerings for you like you’re his ancestor 5 , so how come today, he can bear to hit you? I’m legitimately baffled as to what you did to anger him to this extent. You don’t know, but early this morning, Wen Yang’s face was ashen.”

I hissed from the pain spreading up from the bottom of my foot. When Wen Yang threw down the cup, I was still on the ladder to his bed, so naturally I wasn’t affected. However, when I climbed down, I absentmindedly forgot to wear slippers. As a result, I cut the sole of my foot and went to the school clinic in the morning before limping to board the train.

“Wen Yang didn’t hit me. The cup fell and broke, and I didn’t pay attention when I got out of bed. There’s a situation in my hometown, so I rushed to leave and forgot to tell you.” Afraid Guo Yu wouldn’t believe me and keep pestering me with questions, I added, “We really didn’t fight, I swear!” But there really wasn’t a fight. No matter how you look at the what happened, I instigated and brought it upon myself.

“You guys really didn’t fight?” Guo Yu hesitated for a moment, and sighed, “Fine, be careful when you go back. Call if anything comes up.”

In fact, he obviously didn’t believe me. The situation did not look one bit like there was nothing wrong, but he knew that I couldn’t talk about it anymore, so he stopped chasing for answers.

Once I hung up the phone, I finally felt tired after not sleeping all of last night. Surrounded by the bustling noise of the train, I fell asleep from exhaustion. In a trance, I seem to dream of the past I don’t want to remember once more.

……

In the plain white interior of the individual hospital room, Wen Yang lay on the bed with a sickly complexion.

“Why are you refusing to eat again? This body is your own. If you don’t treasure it and take care of it, then who else will?” I sat down in front of the bed and laddled some rice porridge for Wen Yang, putting on a sincere and heartfelt appearance.

“Cough cough…” On the hospital bed, Wen Yang looked deathly pale. His cheeks sunk inwards, and his chest heaved up and down rapidly from coughing.

I was in a bad mood. With Wen Yang like this, I felt as though he could leave this world at any moment. I breathed out a slow sigh, urging in a low voice, “Is this really worth your trouble? As long as you agree to be with me, I will let you go. You can live life like the old days, and I’ll even give you money to start a company. What is it that you’re not satisfied with?”

Having heard what I said, Wen Yang coughed even harder, causing a trace of red to appear on his ghastly pale face. “ Do you really think…I can still start over?”

He sluggishly exhaled, closed his eyes, and said, “I’m already done for.”

Seeing Wen Yang be this obstinate 6 , I felt simultaneously guilty and exceptionally angry. “Isn’t this because of you?”

Nevertheless, he responded with annoyance, “Let me have a moment of peace and quiet.”

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I felt only a torrent of anger raging up non-stop, and my entire being unexpectedly sank into a state of madness. I threw away the bowl, charged at Wen Yang on the bed, roaring, “What the hell am I supposed to do?! You tell me–What hell do you want me to do? I have done so much for you, can’t you see it? What is it that I need to do for you to like me?” I was like a madman, screaming hysterically.

Fed up with keeping his eyes closed, Wen Yang turned his head away, wanting to never see me again once and for all.

For a split second, I wanted to strangle him, but I was immediately frightened by my own thoughts again. How could I want to kill Wen Yang? I love him so much… What was I thinking? How did it turn out like this? Why must I hurt him? This isn’t me. This isn’t me. This isn’t….

….I abruptly woke from my dream with a forehead full of sweat. Before I could adjust my mood, I heard the sound of the train arriving at the station, so I hurried to get off with my luggage.

Running away from the gloomy train carriage, the spring breeze illuminated my face, giving the illusion of feeling awake and alert. The radiance from the sunshine made people pleasantly squint their eyes.

Everything was like a dream; in this situation, lest I’m not careful, I’ll lose my sense of direction.

If the previous world was a dream, it was nevertheless truly terrifying.

If the current day was dreamt up from obsession, nevertheless, Wen Yang still appeared in front of my eyes, alive and healthy.

The intrusion of nightmares never fails to make me doubt whether or not I was really reborn, whether or not there is still time for everything.

I pray that the Heavens will take pity; even if I won’t be forgiven for my wrongdoings, please let me have the opportunity to atone for my sins.

Although I cannot understand my own delirium, since my rebirth, I felt like all of a sudden someone had slapped me awake. The layers upon layers of dense fog was pushed away at last, and I can finally see the things that I once couldn’t understand and couldn’t figure out clearly.

Thank you for the chance to come back and start over. In this life, I guarantee that I will do well.

…………

The house was more than 150 square meters 7 with 3 bedrooms and 2 common areas; a county town can’t compare to being in the city 8 . The cost of taxes and fees have all decreased, and the house price was estimated to be under $700,000. However, because I was in a hurry to sell it, I went through a real estate agency. After tossing back and forth for almost a month, in the end, we reached a deal of $650,000 as the price for the house.

By the time I went back to school, Wen Yang had already left.

In contrast, Guo Yu was very happy that I returned. This guy is honestly a rare breed 9 ; he decided at the last minute to take an entrance exam for a graduate program, but missed the optimum period to register last semester, so instead he’s diligently staying in school.

But I think we do also count as companions; or rather, I need a person here to prove that everything I’m experiencing now isn’t fabricated.

Guo Yu looked at me with a hand on his head, asking, “Since you’re investing in stocks, aren’t you afraid of insider trading?”

I smiled and said, “Where is there a task that doesn’t contain risks? I’m trying it out nonetheless.”

“So courageous! You’re really not afraid at all?” Guo Yu asked with concern.

I looked at the K-line 10 continuously rising over the course of several days, and the smile on my face grew wider and wider. I pushed up my glasses on the bridge of my nose and said, “Of course I’m afraid! I could lose my entire life’s savings this way!” But in my heart, I wanted to say: That’s impossible; I wasn’t completely sure of the outcome, so how could I be so daring as to invest all of my wealth?

“Shi Shan, you are really becoming more and more enigmatic 11 .” Guo Yu turned his chair towards me and said, “I think you’re recently a lot like those elite figures in society: You’re refined and polite to others, you’re very careful with your words 12 , and you’re a sly old fox 13 when it comes to not divulging all your trade secrets.”

I was first taken aback, but then immediately grinned, “This sly old fox recommends two stocks for you to buy, do you want it?”

“Isn’t what you’re doing trying to delay my graduate school exam? If I get addicted, would I still be in the mood to review?” Guo Yu turned away, not at all tempted.

This man seems to be full of non-stop laughter all day long. He may be lacking in proper behavior, but he actually has a strong sense of self-control. These past few days, I’ve been investing in stocks without hiding it from him. He knows I’ve earned quite a bit of money, yet he’s able to withstand the enticing offer; this aspect of him is hard not to admire.

However, you can’t laugh too loudly when you’re proud of yourself; otherwise, it’s very easy to encounter unpleasant things.

Receiving Qin Fu’s phone call still caused me to react for quite a while. Was it really around this time? In that case, I hope the gears of fate will change direction starting from this moment…

22 years later, my cheap father finally remembers he still has a son.

I thought about how this person sent me to a madhouse disguised outwardly as a sanatorium in the previous world.

Do I hate him?

No, I am only mad at my stupidity. My mind was overwhelmed by desire, and I lost myself in the money and wealth. All the tragedies that followed were of my own doing.

What’s right and what’s wrong doesn’t matter anymore; it’s all in the past. I don’t want to delve back into it too deeply, but I will never allow myself to repeat the same mistakes and let this person disturb my life again.

I replied to the person on the phone with a sneer,” I think you’ve found the wrong person. In any case, I hope that you can be a bit more professional. I don’t have such a thing called ‘father’. If you had said my mother, then I could still think about whether or not the old matron is lonely down there, and came up to check on her son when there’s nothing going on. As for this ‘father’ person, I’ve never even seen him. This thing——Oh, I mean, this old bastard 14 , is something I genuinely don’t care about.”

Translator’s Comments:

YES!!!!! That last part was very satisfying to translate. I would have used more expletives, but MC was quite tame…. unfortunately.

Thank you for your support! <3

Footnotes

“无以复加” (wú yǐ fù jiā) Chinese idiom. Literally means “can’t increase anymore.” Basically, maxed out/in extreme. In this case, MC is ashamed to the MAX. “高高在上” (gāo gāo zài shàng) Chinese idiom. Literally “keep going up higher and higher”. Basically means “high and mighty” or “cut above the rest.” Neither of those sound good in the sentence though, so I used some synonyms. “得寸进尺” (dé cùn jìn chǐ) Chinese idiom. Literally “receive an inch, want a foot”. Basically means “not satisfied with small gains” or “when he gets a little bit, he’ll want more and more.” In this case, it’s saying the more reliant MC is on Wen Yang, the more it hurts him. “魔障” (Mó zhàng) The Demon Mara who tried to tempt the Buddha. Demon of temptation. “把你当祖宗似的供着” (Bǎ nǐ dāng zǔzōng shì de gōngzhe) Literally is “provides offerings for you like you’re his ancestor,” which just means Wen Yang treats MC REALLY well. In Chinese culture, worshipping and burning offerings to one’s ancestors is VERY IMPORTANT. I would say “dotes on you like family” is similar in meaning, but not as impactful. “油盐不进” (yóu yán bù jìn) Chinese idiom. Literally “oil and salt can’t enter.” Essentially means “extremely stubborn and obstinate”. Approximately 1615 square feet “县城不比市里” (xiàn chéng bù bǐ shì lǐ) Translation is as written. Translator comment: For some reason it feels out of context to me, but it was what was written. Not sure if it was trying to imply anything with the house being in the county town, or simply just saying one place is better than the other. “奇葩” (Qí pā) Literally means “strange/weird flower.” The meaning is like a juxtaposition between “strange” and “flower” where it’s pointing at the unusual behaviors/things people do that’s beyond the scope of normal. Picture:

#1: 琢磨不透 vs.#2: 捉摸不透” (#1: zhuó mò bu tòu vs. #2: zhuō mō bù tòu) #2 is a Chinese idiom. To explain, the author wrote the #1, but as you can see, some of the characters are different but the pinyin is the same (except the tones). My guess is that author meant #2 which is the idiom, but used #1 on accident. Either way, #1 doesn’t make sense to me in this context, so I’m going with #2. The literal translation of #2 is “unable to completely grab or touch”. The meaning of #2 is essentially “hard to predict/elusive/mysterious,” which is what enigmatic means (learn a new world with me!) “滴水不漏” (Dī shuǐ bù lòu) Chinese idiom. Literally “not one drop of water can leak out.” It means watertight, meticulous, very proper. “老油条” (lǎo yóu tiáo) Literally “old fried dough stick (you tiao).” It is a euphemism for “sly old fox/slick customer.”Kinda funny because youtiao is known to be oily.

Picture: “这东西——嗯，这老东西” (zhè dōngxī—— ēn , zhè lǎo dōngxī) Translation is as written. This sounds better in Chinese because MC added “老” in front of “东西” which changed the meaning of it from “thing” to “old bastard” with one character. Unfortunately, not as slick in English, but still a deserving insult.