Chapter 3 - Contradiction

Come to speak of it, Wen Yang has always taken good care of me: getting water, delivering food, saving a seat, helping with roll-call, and substituting in for exercise drills. When it’s cold, he urges me to wear more clothes, and when I get sick, he looks after me. He also frequently takes me to work out and helps me sign up for club activities. Although they’re all minor things, he actually took meticulous care 1 to be helpful regarding these daily life activities.

In addition, he also taught me, someone who only knows how to shut himself indoors and study, a lot of things. For more than three years, we were practically inseparable, coming home and going out together 2 .

Only later, I learned that he was simply doing those things out of sympathy.

Because of the convenience of his position, Wen Yang knew that his roommate had lost his mother at a young age, has an unknown father, and relies on the savings left by his maternal grandparents to get by day-to-day. That’s really why he would take extra care of me.

The word “sympathy” will always pierce the pitiful ego of a person who feels inferior with low self-esteem. The sympathy of other people is often accompanied by goodwill; even if a person doesn’t know to be grateful, he shouldn’t hold resentment as a result of that sympathy.

And yet, in spite of everything, I repaid his kindness with resentment. After my confession ended in failure, I was driven to anger from feeling ashamed and upset 3 , unable to accept this kind of outcome. I kept thinking that sooner or later, there will be a day when I will make him regret it.

My confession in the last life started the beginning of suffering in Wen Yang’s life. Additionally, it was also a turning point in my life. If I no longer involve myself now, I wonder if Wen Yang’s world can still remain peaceful.

Taking all of him into consideration, the most outstanding quality about Wen Yang isn’t his appearance; it is his illusory “aura” 4 that people often talk about. His height at 185 centimeters 5 , and his figure slender and lean. When he walks, his legs separate and extend out perfectly in a straight line with a penetratingly profound silhouette. He treats others gently and politely, his face always showing a faint smile; he gives people a sense of familiarity and closeness, a kind of aura that is remarkably cool yet refined.

Just like this moment, with his back leaning into the cabinet and his slender legs crossed, he tilted his head to look at me, accentuating the lines on his handsome face. My heartbeat uncontrollably accelerated.

Having lived in two lifetimes, I’ve become well-versed with controlling my outward expression to not expose my inner emotions. In the face of Wen Yang however, I can never seem to make use of this skill that I normally do with ease 6 .

“What did I do to make it seem like I’m lying to you? Anyway, why did you come back? How’s the company doing recently?”

In the last life, Wen Yang also came back at this time, but back then, I was caught up in emotion after my failed confession and couldn’t ask why.

On the topic of Wen Yang’s company, because I was originally so incessantly resentful, I instigated no shortage of trouble, even going as far as to use power to threaten him. Thinking back to this now, I really want to slap myself twice.

Wen Yang, leaning against the cabinet, breathed out a sigh, “Guan Lei’s 7 girlfriend came over, so he swept me out the door.”

In order for him to start his business, Wen Yang sold the villa his mother left for him; thus, he went to live with Guan Lei. After all, it’s convenient for two business partners to live together.

The only reason was because of… Guan Lei’s girlfriend, Du Rou?

Unexpectedly, he was causing trouble 8 so early in the partnership. This is actually a good way to separate the two; continue to create more disagreements or something similar, then it’ll be even easier.

“Our school is in the suburbs, and it won’t be convenient to commute back and forth. It’ll be best if you find a place to rent that is close to your office. I would go online first to take a look,” I suggested, without much thought. Afterwards, I turned my head away and continued to fiddle with my computer. Afraid I would expose my true emotions, I dare not say anything more.

“When do you plan to move?”

“Me?” I raised my head, a littled confused.

Wen Yang smiled, reaching out again to rub my head, “You’re also going to intern soon, so one of these days you’re going to have to rent a place. We can split the apartment rent together.”

I can just imagine my utterly shocked expression. Never in my life would I ever expect this situation.

Wen Yang wants to live together with me?

How ridiculous. In my previous life, I couldn’t repress the longing in my heart because it had been too long since I last saw him. Thus, I scrambled over in front of Wen Yang and stupidly confessed. As a result, I tragically 9 wasted such an opportunity to get close to Wen Yang.

Only this time, no matter how excited I am in my heart, I will not do anything more than feel excitement. I can’t expect anything anymore.

Maybe because he saw my complicated expression, Wen Yang helplessly shook his head, and softly said, “Don’t be angry. It has truly been very busy recently; I wasn’t intentionally not keeping in touch with you.”

I was a little stunned, so Wen Yang assumed I was angry with him.

Did I get angry in my previous life? Hmm, perhaps I did. Now, I only remember the feeling of the sky falling apart and the earth caving in after the time I confessed and got rejected.

“Forget it, I mean, I haven’t settled things on my end. If it’s far away, then it’ll be a waste of time. You go ahead and keep looking first.” After I finished, I added, “I’m not angry.”

Wen Yang furrowed his brows, turned his body and approached me. He raised his hand to close my laptop screen, and stared at me with a scrutinizing look. I felt as if my breathing was going to stop and hurriedly back away.

I heard him sigh softly, “Honestly, what’s going on? Why do I have the feeling that you’re afraid of me?”

I stood up and felt inexplicably feverish. I had forgotten to take off my coat when I got back to the dorm, and I was wearing my suit the entire time. My breathing felt a little uneven.

I went to open the cabinet, blocking my helpless expression, and said, “That’s not it. I just think that I’ll have to learn to be independent; I can’t always rely on you. Furthermore, I don’t really like how you show off a sense of superiority from time to time. Maybe you don’t think so yourself, but it’s putting a lot of pressure on me. At times, it’s even to a point where I feel inferior…” I couldn’t go on speaking anymore; Wen Yang must be very disappointed in me. He’s always so good to me, yet as a result, I go and say these kinds of words.

“Are you still angry?” I heard him ask through the cabinet door.

I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself as much as possible, responding, “I don’t want to lie to you. I am genuinely grateful to you for taking care of me all this time, but sometimes, you are very self-righteous 10 . You blatantly disregard my wishes, and do whatever that you think is good for me, believing you’re great person. In fact, I don’t need your sympathy at all. You being like this is really…”

“Is this truly how you feel?” Wen Yang interrupted, his low voice audibly a little sullen.

My forehead was full of sweat, and the hand hanging up my coat continued to shake. I forced myself to calmly say, “I wanted to tell you for a long time, but it’s just that we live in the same dorm, and it’s hard to not see each other 11 , so I didn’t want to cause our relationship to become stiff. Presently, we will be going our separate ways 12 very soon, and there are some things that are better said than not…”

Bang ——

The sound of a closing door sounded heavily inside the dorm.

Wen Yang left.

I slowly squatted down, clutching my churning chest, feeling so cold that my heart began to shiver. It seemed like all of the warmth left with Wen Yang and disappeared.

I have to personally see with my own eyes that Wen Yang has a happy and perfect life. I absolutely cannot become a hindrance to him…

No one can stop me, not even myself.

I don’t know how long I was on the ground for, but when I stood up, my head was filled with sweat. Squatting for such a long time made me stagger a little bit.

There’s still important business I need to get done; I can’t always wallow in a sorrowful and melancholy state of mind 13 .

When a person possesses a certain ability or advantage, to restrain and not use it is a really difficult thing to do.

Originally, I didn’t intend to touch the stock market. I am so utterly exhausted from the fluctuating ups and downs of my life in the previous world that I just want this life to be as peaceful as possible. However, only after Wen Yang came back did I realize that his initial business ventures will not be smooth sailing at all. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to take advantage and obstruct his business.

Nevertheless, the optimum way to quickly accumulate wealth is through the stock market. With a little more than $20,000 as my principal capital, even if it doubled, it would still not be more than $50,000. That amount might as well be nothing. Completely insufficient 14 . Then, I thought of the house my maternal grandparents left for me.

I sat in front of my computer and calculated by myself. Right now, there’s a cap on how much the house price can appreciate, plus the prime investment period has already passed. Excluding inflation, even if I put it up to invest for 10 years, it’s unlikely there will be any major growth. But, I do roughly know the trend of the stock market for the next 5 years.

Taking into account my own interests first, even if there is no Wen Yang to consider, keeping the house has little meaning to me. The only thing I am apprehensive about is that the house was left by my close relatives, and it holds too many memories.

But I’ve already made a definite decision. Life will never be consistently full of successes; there are too many choices in the face of dilemmas.

I have to properly support and take good care of the people who are alive.

I directly opened an account with an online video, and the audit will take at most 7 days to be approved. I will also have to go back home and put the house up for sale with a real estate agency. I estimated that the time it takes to sell the house and to collect the earnings from the stock return would leave me with enough time to spare 15 before Wen Yang needs to use money.

All of a sudden, my mood became very uplifted. I immediately went online to book a ticket for tomorrow and packed a simple suitcase. I was so pleased with myself that I leaned back on my chair and spun around twice. For the first time since my rebirth, I had the drive and ambition to achieve such a great aspiration.

I didn’t have the time to be proud of myself for too long before the door swung open, and I looked face to face with Wen Yang who was coming in. The smile on my face immediately froze.

I awkwardly turned my head away, subtly avoiding his line of sight.

The situation was basically like this: Two people had just argued, and one was angered to no end. He went out to reluctantly blow off some steam only to come back and discover the other person was happily enjoying himself. What could feel worse than that?

I could sense that Wen Yang desperately wanted to close the door again. With his face ominously dark, he carried two takeout lunch boxes inside, sat down in his seat, and proceeded to eat.

Smelling the aroma, I knew right away it was my favorite hot dry noodles 16 . Topped with sesame sauce and scallions, it could lure out any foodie glutton 17 . I haven’t eaten this again in so many years; however, I know Wen Yang is angry, so naturally, he wouldn’t share even if one of the portions was originally meant for me.

I have no doubt he must be extremely full; both portions were very big.

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Sure enough, when it was time to sleep, Wen Yang kept uncomfortably tossing and turning.

I hesitated for a moment, then turned to get out of bed to find medicine for the stomach and tablets to aid digestion. No matter what, I couldn’t stand watching him suffer like this. I am no longer the same messed-up person I was in my last life, seeking pleasure from his pain and misery.

I climbed up the ladder to his bed, knocked on his bed frame, and passed the medicine and water in front of Wen Yang. By now, all the lights have been turned off. Under the moonlight, Wen Yang’s handsome face was not in the least obscured from my eyes. His brows were slightly twisted, the corners of his mouth pressed upwards, the wispy hairs on his forehead disheveled; everything to me was a kind of beauty I dare not touch.

Wen Yang got up and stared for quite a while before extending his hand to take the water and swallow the medicine.

My heart relaxed, and the corners of my mouth unconsciously lifted. He was always easy to coax. Or rather, as long as I don’t touch his bottom line, he would always be lenient towards me.

I reached out my hand to retrieve the cup, but Wen Yang just looked at me without moving and not saying a word. He was simply just looking, without much of an expression, his vision burning deeply. His serenely clear, pitch-black pupils seemed like they had a lot to say.

I turned my head away without thinking and quietly urged him. After a long time, Wen Yang’s voice sounded in the darkness of the night.

“I’m sorry…”

Translator’s Comments:

GAH. I didn’t mean to take so long for this chapter, but no excuses. Our precious MC 13 (what I call him in my head while translating) is slowly building up character, and I’m all here for it. :3

Thank you for your support! <3

Footnotes

“无微不至” (wú wēi bù zhì) Chinese idiom. Means “in every possible way/with great care/meticulous.” “同进同出” (tóng jìn tóng chū) literally means “same come, same go” which essentially means inseparable/joined at the hip. I elaborated a little bit with “coming home and going out” for it to make a little more sense in context. “恼羞成怒” (nǎo xiū chéng nù) Chinese idiom. Literal translation is “upset and ashamed into becoming angry.” “气质” (qì zhí) It translates to “temperament” or “disposition” but the character “气”in the word implies a gaseous/vaporous quality, so I used “aura” to try to capture that implication. Approximately 6ft 1inch “驾轻就熟” (jià qīng jiù shú) Chinese idiom. It directly means “to drive a light carriage on a familiar road.” Essentially, one can do something easily because it is familiar. In this context, MC is saying he can’t hide his emotions easily (even though he’s normally good at it) if he’s facing Wen Yang. Reminder: One of Wen Yang’s childhood friends that he started his company with. Mentioned in passing in Chapter 2. “作妖” (zuò yāo) or literally “to be a demon” is slang term for “make a huge fuss/cause trouble out of nothing.” “杯具” (bēi jù) is a pun on “悲剧”(bēi jù) which both sound the same. “杯具” means trophy cup while “悲剧” means tragedy (like a play/drama). In this context, MC means tragic, but the author used the internet slang word, which is known to mean the same thing after it was popularized. “自以为是” (zì yǐ wéi shì) Chinese idiom. Means “to believe yourself to be infallible.” Basically, whatever I believe, that’s the truth. “抬头不见低头见” (táitóu bùjiàn dītóu jiàn) directly translates to “Lift up my head, I don’t see you. Lower my head, I see you” which essentially means “seeing you around me is unavoidable” because they live in the same dorm. “各奔东西” (gè bèn dōngxī) Chinese idiom. Literally means “each head for east west.” Essentially meaning “to part ways with someone.” “伤春悲秋” (shāng chūn bēi qiū) Chinese idiom. Literally “spring wound/injury, autumn sorrow.” It means to feel sorrow and sadness because of the change in season and scenery. Also means melancholy/moody/depressed. “杯水车薪” (bēi shuǐ chē xīn) Chinese idiom. Literally means “a cup of water on a burning cart of firewood.” Essentially, it is completely inadequate/not nearly enough/a drop in the bucket. “绰绰有余” (chuò chuò yǒu yú) Chinese idiom. Literally means “generous, generous, with surplus” or essentially “plentiful/more than enough to spare.” Picture:

“人馋虫” (rén chán chóng) Literally “gluttonous person worm/insect.”