Chapter 26

From each person's eyes (1)

They impulsively decided to appear on 'Show Me the Gold 3.' They wanted to see how skilled the rappers in Korea were and thought it would be more fun to do hip-hop with a group.

However, the set of Show Gold 3 was not the honest and rebellious hip-hop lounge I had imagined. Even putting aside the influence of capitalism, it was full of edits made for the entertainment of the audience.

"This is what the show is like."

"Jeton, you underestimated the Korean show business. The entertainment industry is a spicy one. Wow."

It was completely different from what I had initially thought. But this was thrilling and enjoyable in its own way. Although it seemed like they were deliberately creating competition or acting according to a scripted plot, it was actually a series of unpredictable situations. In those situations, I could feel the tension of being on the edge.

'Did I enjoy the blood-soaked competition? I must have inherited this trait from my parents.'

The sense of achievement from diving into and surviving the competition was incomparable to anything else. I found unexpected pleasure in the survival program filming.

One-on-one battles, diss raps, and team battles...

Many people found it hard to adapt to my imperfect Korean pronunciation and unique flow and word choice at first. But the thrill of gradually turning those people into my allies was exhilarating!

Ranking didn't matter. The fun I felt here was enough to make my participation in Show Me the Gold 3 worthwhile. Still, my basic skills were solid enough to secure a place in the rankings.

It was rewarding to have come to Korea on a whim. Since my parents were always busy, it didn't make much difference whether I was in Korea or abroad.

'Maybe it's better that they don't get in my way.'

My father, a university professor, and my mother, a fashion designer, were people obsessed with their work. It was rare for the family to gather for a meal, except for sleeping time, maybe once a month. I wondered how they managed to fall in love, get married, and have me, given how much time they spent working.

'I can't understand it at all.'

They felt distant, even though they were my biological parents. They thought hiring a housekeeper and a babysitter fulfilled their parental duties.

'Is there a culture of 'jeong' (情) in Korea? Why don't my parents have it? Are there always exceptions?'

I couldn't build any meaningful memories from my childhood. My parents felt more like long-term cohabitants and sponsors than a family.

"Should I be grateful just for providing a place to stay, food, and financial support?"

I didn't want to be grateful, but it was a fact that I received financial support from them. I wanted to earn money someday and pay it all back to feel relieved.

I hoped our relationship would be nothing more than genetic providers, nothing more, nothing less.

"Let's go to Korea."

I suddenly decided. I thought, whether it was the UK where my parents were or Korea, it didn't make much difference. If the 'jeong' that Koreans talk about really exists, maybe it would be different there. Perhaps that hope was buried in my subconscious.

* * *

After the program ended.

Motivated by my appearance on Show Me the Gold, I decided to become an idol, where I could experience the ultimate competition. I made this decision after listening to a friend who was an idol trainee complain that the competition in the idol world was the ultimate.

When an idol survival program started recruiting participants, I didn't apply because I knew I wouldn't win as a beginner in dance. I only fight battles I can win.

Around the time my trainee life with Hanul Entertainment was nearing two years, I met a new trainee named Ham I-won.

He looked like a precious flower raised in a greenhouse, a rare and valuable one. That was my first impression of Ham I-won.

The more we hung out, the more I felt a subtle concern. I didn't realize then that having a rare and fragile plant nearby could make me worry.

Moreover, Ham I-won, despite being a bit quirky, was gentle and pure. It was fun to observe him, not knowing his outstanding abilities or talents, and his naive trust in people.

'Does it mean I'm getting attached?'

My affection for Ham I-won grew steadily. In a short time, I saw him struggling to become an idol with all his might.

Even though we weren't of the same kind, we shared similar goal-oriented traits. The sense of kinship developed quickly, even if it wasn't outwardly visible.

Even if I felt an inner closeness, I maintained a certain distance and accepted him as he was. That was my way of caring for people.

After the debut group was announced, I ended up being invited to Ham I-won's house.

As expected, Ham I-won was a cherished only child from a wealthy family. It was so predictable that I almost laughed.

When we entered the house and met Ham I-won's father, I felt a shock as if hit by a giant hammer.

I knew our family wasn't ordinary, but I didn't want to confirm the extreme opposite and be hurt.

While Ham I-won went to wash his hands, his father looked at us carefully and smiled. It was the first time I saw a man in his forties smile so warmly.

"It seems our son has opened up to you. I thought he wouldn't bring friends home anymore. Thank you for coming."

He didn't rush us to respond but asked in a low voice.

"I hope you can be friends with our son for a long time, like family. I already think of you as my sons."

"Even without your request, it's fine. We're already close."

While Green skillfully adjusted to the adult's mood, I couldn't say anything. The statement that he thought of us as his sons was a shock to me, who defined family as a superficial relationship bound by blood.

Maybe I was living too closed off. Family isn't just about blood ties.

'Am I looking for a family...?'

If there's a close and supportive relationship, it's a family, regardless of blood ties.

I decided to start with the people close to me and make them see me as family.

I knew it wouldn't be easy. I wasn't particularly sociable, and I tended to think from my own perspective.

But I wouldn't give up. Achieving this goal would make my life happier.

My stubborn competitive spirit, like a chronic illness, quietly resurfaced.

* * *

Use what you can without hesitation. As long as it's not illegal and doesn't inconvenience others.

No one knows, but this is my motto.

The person who influenced me the most with this motto was my father.

My father was a national actor, respected by his juniors. But to me, he was a textbook on the importance of 'image management.' He did have a scandal before I became a middle schooler, but that didn't change the fact that he had successfully built his image, despite his numerous affairs.

I didn't feel sympathy for my mother, who was called a model wife, because my parents were a perfect example of 'birds of a feather.'

They weren't a show couple from the start, but over time, they became strategic allies in raising my brother and me.

It was fortunate that my brother, who was clueless, didn't know anything.

Despite the lack of trust in romantic love, I could grow up in a stable home. Both of them gave us enough love.

'If you can act well, there's no better job than being an actor.'

My father's words were true.

When the scandal broke, my father, who was married, took a break. But for an actor who mainly did movies, it was just a normal hiatus.

The entertainment industry was strangely lenient towards problems caused by talented actors. While singers and idols could fall from grace over rumors, there seemed to be a sacred space for acting talents.

They made excuses, saying there was no one to replace Nam Kyung-wook.

Looking back, perhaps my father often brought me to the set to show off the authority of an actor.

However, I saw the messy romantic relationships and indirect power struggles, contrary to his intentions.

I learned how to survive in the entertainment industry. And that experience became useful when I decided to become an idol.

'Connections are the key to surviving in the entertainment industry.'

Fortunately, having an actor father allowed me to build a solid network in the broadcasting and film industries. These connections would eventually become my blood and flesh.

When I decided to become an idol and entered a performing arts high school, my father was displeased.

'Did he secretly hope I would follow in his footsteps?'

Given his pride as an actor, it was possible. But I didn't want to be known as the son of actor Nam Kyung-wook. I wanted to dedicate my life to dance, not acting, and I couldn't deny that my father had made me dislike acting.

I didn't want to cut ties with my father but wanted a 'properly distant' relationship, especially in public.

'If I'm honest, I just want to take the good parts from my father.'

A materialist. It's not a wrong description. But the person who influenced me the most in my belief to use everything I can was none other than my father.

"What else could I learn from him?"

I didn't dislike myself, even with this cynical attitude. As long as it didn't break the law or harm others, this way of life seemed suitable for modern times. It was better than being a fool.

A childhood friend, who knew about my dream of becoming an idol since elementary school, commented:

"An idol? Good choice. If you said your dream was to be a politician, I would have packed a lunch and tried to stop you."

My friend, who had no interest in politics, shivered at the mere thought.

"Why is it so scary?"

The response was surprising.

"If you become a politician, you'll become a powerful figure behind the scenes. You already seem like a master manipulator..."

I couldn't deny it. Indeed, a childhood friend who had spent a long time with me was different.

With this not-quite-encouragement from my childhood friend, I continued my trainee life. One day, a junior came to my class, saying he was now a trainee at the same company.

Ham I-won was a famous figure who made a big splash at our school's entrance ceremony with his looks. It was impossible not to know him.

Especially, the rumor that he couldn't speak had stimulated the protective instincts of the girls and added to his mystique. Even the third-year students, who were preparing for exams, were in a frenzy. Not knowing Ham I-won would make you a fool.

"Ham I-won? Isn't he the mermaid prince? He can talk?"

The rumor that he had lost his voice, which had become the accepted version, turned out to be a rumor. I composed my expression and put on my public smile.

"You must be surprised. Sorry, but you're famous as the mermaid prince."

"Mermaid, prince?"

Can you not know a rumor that has been circulating in school for a year? I held back a laugh at his obvious surprise. He was known as a voluntary loner, but his sincerity in coming to the third-year classroom was commendable.

We were in the same school and the same agency. We might debut in the same group.

Judging by his idol-fan-friendly appearance and the genius musical talent I had heard about, it would be beneficial to get along with him.

"...Call me hyung. Let's get along, I-won."