38-The mesning of like

I ate breakfast, went outside for a bit, ate lunch. And during all that time, I fidgeted.

Was Norn going to come? Would he be with Couge?

I felt embarrassed to see them with a messy head, so I brushed my hair. Then I felt anxious not having any snacks to go with the tea I prepared. Then...

I was so restless that Krish-san told me to calm down and gave me a cup of that calming tea that the old doctor had given me.

A little while after Krish-san said he was going to check on the young knights, Norn and Couge arrived.

It seemed that Norn had taken half the day off work, while Couge had closed his restaurant early.

Norn gasped when he saw my face, expression crumpling. I knew that he was looking at my right eye. Though the swelling had gone down, it was still purple.

"Welcome, you two. Thanks for visiting. Come on, take a seat?" I offered them the chairs that Krish-san had readied.

Norn was pushed by Couge from behind into taking a seat. As he did so, he murmured, "How awful......"

He looked so vexed, as if he were the one who had been injured. I showed him a grin, injecting it with all of the happiness I felt at their visit.

Things hadn't always been easy ever since I came to this world, but I felt very fortunate having friends who worried about me like this.

Grandpa, grandma, I was really glad to have come to this world.

"Here, we brought this as a gift. We were worried that you were in terrible shape since we were stopped from visiting you, but it turns out you're surprisingly full of energy." Couge laughed as if to disperse the subdued silence that had enveloped the room, and held out a basket full of pastries. There was a lot, so I decided to share some with the knights later.

"The old man from the bakery baked these in a hurry once he learned that we were visiting you, Shinobu," Couge added. "He said to tell you that he's in your debt so he hopes you get well soon and show your face around again."

"Tell uncle thanks for making so many. And Couge, I'm sorry I haven't been able to send you any vegetables. My field is all in a mess, so I think it'll be awhile before I can get back to business."

I promptly took a pastry and bit into it. The mild sweetness and chewy texture spread in my mouth.

"That's completely fine; as long as you're alright. More importantly, how's your condition?"

"Thanks to this suuuper bitter medicine, I don't feel any pain at all. But I still need to take it easy."

"You have other injuries besides your eye?" Norn interjected.

"Yeah, here and there all over my body. They're apparently contusions."

The bruises on my body had at first been red and blue, but now they'd turned purple. The comparatively lighter ones had already turned yellow at the edges.

The scrapes on my left palm had already scabbed over and were a little itchy. The edges were already a little loose, but the old doctor had told me not to forcibly rip them off.

However, whenever I get sunburned, I was the type to not be able to stop myself from pulling at the peeling skin. I would get excited whenever I pulled out a large piece of skin, and would keep trying to pull an even larger one, and end up overdoing it and bleeding.

Norn said, "I was really worried. Before Firks-sama approved visits yesterday I couldn't sit still at all."

Oh no, what should I do. Norn was all teary-eyed.

As I thanked and apologized to him several times for his worry, I found myself getting teary-eyed too, feeling glad that I was able to talk to them again.

The two of us sniffled and pointed out each other's reddened eyes and noses.

Just then, there was the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. This gait was Krish-san's.

"Shinobu, do you have a minute?"

Krish-san was wearing his full-body armor. Upon seeing this appearance that I hadn't seen since the first day, I grew worried and hurriedly sat up. "Krish-san, are you going somewhere?"

"I'm going to report to Firks-sama. I'll be back by evening." Krish-san grasped the hand that I'd anxiously held out to him, and patted it gently as if to pacify me. "I know you're glad to meet your friends, but if you get tired, don't push yourself and lie back down."

He took the shawl that was folded by the bedside and wrapped it around my shoulders, then placed a cushion at my back and helped me sit up a little. After that, he half-closed the wide open window. I watched as Krish-san took care of me so skillfully, and in the end had my hair ruffled by him.

"Krish-san, come back soon, okay?"

"Okay. I'll be going."

Saying 'I'll be going' meant that he'd be coming back here. Finally I relaxed, and waved goodbye to Krish-san as he dashingly left the room.

Now then, to continue our conversation... But when I turned back to Norn and Couge, the two of them were looking at me with surprise. What? I cocked my head inquisitively.

"What, what is it?"

"No, I was just a little surprised," Norn answered.

Couge added, "I've thought this before, but you and Krish-sama are really close."

Now that I thought about it, I seem to have been told something like that before. When was that again?

"Remember, that time we went to visit Norn at work and brought him ravi skewers?"

Ah right, that time. When I was shown the room where the Gate had been and I cried in spite of myself.

"I was surprised that you were so familiar with him, but I was even more surprised at how Krish-sama treated you so...how do I say this...attentively."

'Familiar', huh. From Couge's perspective, did I really look that close to him? Truthfully, I was always in Krish-san's debt, and right now my daily routine relied completely on Krish-san.

But saying that Krish-san treated me so attentively was probably wrong. Krish-san has always been a really strong and kind person.

"Shinobu, do you like Krish-sama?" Norn bent closer towards me, eyes sparkling. The reason I could see sparkles might just be the lingering tears in his eyes, but somehow he looked really interested.

"Yep, I do."

Of course, I really liked Krish-san. He was so nice, but he wasn't only that; he would order me to drink all of the bitter medicine, and restrict my time outside because he was worried about me.

That kind of person who would give me tough love, was someone that I thought one had to treasure. Because that meant that they were truly thinking of me.

"Do you like me and Couge?" Norn continued.

"Of course!!"

The two of them were my precious friends.

"Then, do you like Krish-sama the same way you like us?"

Hmmm. I twisted my head in thought. If you asked me if it were the same, then I would say that it was a little bit different. Whenever I met Norn and Couge, I would feel at ease, but when I was with Krish-san, everything looked bright.

When I'd seen Krish-san on a date at the market, I'd felt sad and lonely. But when I'd heard that Couge was proposing to Norn, I'd just thought, 'Do your best!!'

I found it hard to explain, and got more confused as I tried to explain this difference that I myself wasn't even sure of. Norn and Couge exchanged meaningful looks and nodded deeply.

Norn summarized, "In short, you're happy when you meet him, and sad when you see him getting along with other people?"

"Yes, that's right."

Couge added, "And your heart races, and everything turns bright. And you think that it's because you admire Krish-sama, right Shinobu?"

"It's not 'I think', but I really do admire him. 'Cause Krish-san's really cool."

Krish-san was like the Black Ranger to me. He was cool and calm, acting as the break to the hot-headed Red Ranger. I thought it fit perfectly with Krish-san who manages those young knights.

"I've also felt that way once, Shinobu. Back when Couge started dating that girl, I would get sad whenever I saw them."

"Huh?! Couge, you dated someone other than Norn?!"

Whoa, how shocking! Since they were childhood friends, I thought that they'd liked each other from the start.

Couge said, "Even if you say that we dated, it was only for about a month back when I was 15."

"But you still walked around holding hands, didn't you?" Norn retorted.

"That was just, you know, the follies of youth. I was just at the age when I started getting interested in that kinda thing." Couge scratched his head in a defeated manner as Norn glared at him.

Seeing them this close, I was really surprised that Couge once had a girlfriend.

"Eh, so why did you and that girl break up?" I asked.

This time, I was the one who leaned forward. This kind of thing was pretty good, too. It felt like I'd returned to my school days. Back then, during lunchtime and after class, we would talk about who in class was cute, or which club senior we were interested in. Though I would really just listen to everyone else.

Norn replied, "I broke off their hand-holding and cried, 'I don't want you holding hands with anyone but me.' When the girl got mad and was about to slap me, Couge protected me and said, 'What are you doing to my Norn!'"

"Well, that was how I realized that Norn was the most important to me," Couge said. "So I got slapped instead of Norn, got loudly cursed at and was dumped then and there. It's my dark history. After that it was Norn all the way."

"Oh what, so in the end, you two really did like each other from the start."

And at the end, I was still exposed to their public display of affection. Norn had a lovestruck look on his face as he reminisced about that time Couge stood up for him, while Couge looked embarrassedly happy.

This was a little too bright to look at for the single me.

"We've gotten off-track. What I wanted to talk about wasn't the start of my relationship with Couge, but the fact that your feelings right now might be the same as what I'd felt back then."

"What we're trying to say is, the 'like' that you feel for Krish-sama might be the same 'like' as I feel for Norn."

The same 'like' that Couge felt for Norn... Me? Towards Krish-san?

Huh, but, Krish-san was a man. Ah, no, I guess that didn't matter in this world. But...huh?

My mind spun in confusion as this subverted what common sense was to me. Then, the fact that I was happy whenever I met Krish-san, and that my body reacted to Krish-san when it didn't with the old doctor...all of those was because I liked Krish-san in that special way?

"Th-that's not......" I tried to say.

"You want him to stay beside you, right?" Norn asked.

"Well yeah but......"

That rumor about impending marriage flashed in my head. That was right, Krish-san had a beautiful lover. They were so intimate that they'd gone on a lovey-dovey date and picked out accessories together.

I shouldn't like him.

"Norn and Couge have both heard the rumor that Krish-san has a lover, right? Even if I were to like him, there's no hope for me."

Norn gently replied, "But that's just a rumor. You haven't heard it straight from Krish-sama's mouth, right?"

That was true. He'd even said before that he didn't have a lover, but he might have just been lying to spare my feelings.

He continued, "I know you're bewildered since in your world, getting married to women is the norm. But if you don't acknowledge your feelings, it would be too pitiful for your heart."

Was that so? Was it really pitiful? But, wasn't it more pitiful for me to realize this when I knew that it would only end in a broken heart?

Because, this was an emotion that I shouldn't nurture further. I didn't want him to think I was troublesome when I was in his care.

My mind kept whirling. 'I like him', 'I didn't'—my thoughts kept going back and forth until I felt that my head would burst like a punctured balloon. Seeing me like that, Couge brewed some calming tea.

It had a really nice fragrance, but I couldn't calm down at all and my thoughts refused to settle.