Chapter 63

〈Chapter 63〉 The Same Path, Different Dreams (7)

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#14

“Here.”

“Thanks.”

A teacup placed on a saucer.

I skillfully handed it to Rubia.

Rubia, blowing on the hot surface, seemed to lack energy; the liquid in the teacup was unsteadily rippling. Even though it was supported by the saucer, it seemed like it would spill if she let her guard down even a little.

—Huff.

Still, she finally moistened her lips.

I asked.

“How is it?”

“...It’s warm.”

“That’s obvious.”

“Ehehe…”

Rubia smiled softly.

“It’s warm and… sweet. It’s really, really delicious.”

“I’m glad.”

I meant it.

The teacup in my hand also contained the same tea that Rubia had just drunk. I picked up the saucer and headed to the opposite side of Rubia. Not a rocking chair, but a small sofa. I sat down and enjoyed a moment of leisure with a cup of tea.

The hot liquid surprised my tongue as it flowed. Savoring the sweet aroma and the rich taste, it smoothly slid down my throat, becoming lukewarm. Gradually, my lower abdomen grew warm.

It would have been nice if there were some snacks to eat along with the drink, but it seemed they hadn’t been replenished yet. After savoring the tea a couple more times, I placed the saucer and teacup on the table.

Tick. Tick.

In the quiet cabin, we were at ease.

It was spring, and there were no knee blankets, and the fireplace was off. But as time passed, if we came here on a snowy winter day, it would surely be a charming experience.

Whether it was a body frozen by the cold or a heart, everything would melt away like water.

“I’m comfortable.”

“Yeah.”

No further appreciation was needed.

Because we understood each other without words.

The cabin felt nostalgic, as if we were younger. For a brief moment, we might have been even younger. Moreover, our parents would be sitting beside us. Instead of hard cookies, we would be peeling and eating tangerines. At some point, we would fall asleep.

“...Ezio.”

My spirit, which had been wavering like a candle in the wind, was awakened by Rubia’s soft voice.

I blinked. Rubia asked.

“Can I... come over there?”

“...”

I glanced at the space next to me.

It was a small sofa. I was taking up about two-thirds of the space. If she sat down, it would definitely be cramped. Considering Rubia’s build, it might not be impossible, but it would inevitably be a tight fit.

With that in mind, I shook my head.

“It’s too small. No.”

Rubia looked dejected at my refusal.

“...We didn’t used to care about that.”

“...”

That’s true. Whether someone was already sitting on the small sofa or not, if we wanted to sit together, we just walked over and plopped down. I even had the young Rubia sit on my lap and fall asleep. I had to wake her up later because my blood circulation was cut off.

But that was in the past.

Our bodies and minds had grown, and we had aged. The sofa was small, but we were friends. If we were ordinary friends, we wouldn’t sit so close together.

If someone were to ask me if we were just ordinary friends, I would confidently say no.

At this point, with nothing resolved.

Perhaps our relationship was even worse than that of ordinary friends.

Recalling our goal for coming here, my mind calmed down. We needed a place to rest, but we couldn’t just rest.

Before bringing up the topics I had been thinking about since we headed to the cabin, I mentioned the most important piece of information.

“Rubia. I have something to tell you.”

Realizing it was about to begin, Rubia put her teacup on the table and looked at me.

“...Yeah. What is it?”

After a moment of thought, I spoke.

“I lost some of my memories in the last accident. So, I probably can’t answer the part you’re most curious about. What happened to me after I dropped out, where I was when you were looking for me... I’ve forgotten everything.”

“...”

Rubia was speechless for a while.

After a moment, she spoke with difficulty.

“Is that... really true?”

“Yeah.”

I nodded calmly.

She asked again, her eyes filled with fear.

“Up to... what point did you lose your memories? D-did you even forget when we were young? Me, me and...”

“No, I didn’t. If I had, you wouldn’t have asked if I still liked chamomile tea. That part is still intact. What I’ve forgotten is what I just mentioned, the memory of the accident, and...”

How should I say this?

“The reason you were looking for me. The fact that you apologized to me at the ball. Everything related to that, I think I’ve forgotten.”

“...!”

Rubia flinched. From her reaction, it seemed she knew something I didn’t.

“I don’t understand why you feel guilty towards me. I don’t know what I did wrong. I think it’s because of my attitude before the accident, which was quite cold, and also because of something that happened in the past.”

I didn’t go into detail.

Then, I asked carefully.

“Do you know what happened to me?”

“...”

Rubia wasn’t looking at me.

She was staring at the table where the teacup was placed.

Her response was delayed.

What was she so deeply pondering? Her eyes began to show intense ripples. Her lips repeatedly opened and closed. She looked like she was burning up inside.

After a long while, Rubia finally spoke.

“...Ezio, you... saved me.”

“...What?”

It was a completely unexpected story.

Saving Rubia? I had never heard of it before.

Of course, I had lost my memory, but at the same time, a new question arose in my mind.

If I really did save Rubia,

it should be something she should be grateful for,

not something she should feel guilty about.

“I don’t really know much. It was the day before graduation, during the magic club’s retreat. A senior came as an assistant. We were going to the market to buy lunch ingredients with that senior... and I was kidnapped by a demon. I don’t remember it, but that’s what I heard, and it’s probably true.”

Kidnapped. Demon.

The ominous words made my expression serious.

Rubia slowly raised her gaze. Her face looked pained.

Her green eyes, like ripples on the surface of water, began to fill with moisture. With each word, Rubia’s face seemed to be stained with guilt.

“...It seems you were also involved. So, so you saved me. You saved me from the demons, even though you were severely beaten. It wasn’t the senior who was with you, but... Ezio, it was you.”

As I watched Rubia struggle to recall the memory, something stirred in my chest. I couldn’t identify it.

“But I, I didn’t know anything... I betrayed you, who risked your life to save me. I mistook the senior for you... I thought you couldn’t have been there. I made a judgment on my own... I should have thanked you countless times, but instead, I hurt you. I didn’t even acknowledge that you saved me... I let you disappear... Only then did I start looking for you. ...I’m a terrible person. I’m trash. I will spend my whole life...”

“...Calm down, Rubia.”

Her emotions gradually intensified, leading to self-deprecation. It was a very harsh and strong form of self-deprecation. I didn’t expect Rubia to use such a direct word as “trash.” Rubia tightly closed her lips and let tears roll down like pearls.

Rubia’s words were hard to understand, but the emotions behind them were deeply conveyed.

A much deeper and darker sense of guilt than the tears on her face. Guilt. Tangled gratitude. Emotions that had built up over time and settled deep in her heart.

So, I saved Rubia.

I still have no memory of it.

Summarizing, it seems that on the day of the magic club’s retreat, Rubia was kidnapped by a demon, and I, who happened to be nearby, got involved and saved her from the demon.

Honestly, it seemed so absurd that I couldn’t believe it.

However, Rubia clearly believed this story. That’s why she searched for me after I suddenly disappeared, and she must have suffered a lot in the process. The result was evident from Rubia’s current state.

My head throbbed. The last part of my memory that was cut off was there.

The day before Miu’s birthday.

Probably, November 18th.

I have no memory after that.

...So, could the incident Rubia mentioned have happened then? She said it was on the way to the market. If it was Miu’s birthday, I would have been in the market to pick up the ring I had reserved. It was probably daytime, as she mentioned buying lunch ingredients. The time of my appointment with Miu was... 1 PM. If something happened before that...

I fell silent for a moment.

Miu’s birthday. The ring I can’t see now. The appointment on her birthday. The incident before that.

A vague suspicion was turning into reality.

...Really.

I didn’t keep the promise.

As I thought this, another question arose.

The reason for not keeping the promise was only on my side. Why, I wonder. If I got involved in an incident. If I suddenly disappeared. Shouldn’t Miu blame me for leaving without a word?

...No, wait.

There was something. A letter.

It seems that in the past, I wrote a letter to Miu and delivered it.

...Why? Why?

I didn’t do anything wrong.

Even if there were some misunderstandings or reasons,

I ruined a once-in-a-lifetime moment, and Miu’s heart was deeply hurt.

Damn. My head was too confused.

The main goal here was to have a serious talk with Rubia. I could probably figure out most of the lost memories by having a conversation with Miu. However, since I didn’t experience it myself, it would take some time to accept it as reality.

I approached Rubia, who kept saying sorry. She was already in a bad state. If Rubia got caught up in more negative emotions here, it would lead to a dark future.

The handkerchief I hadn’t gotten back from Yui. I took a new one from my pocket.

“Stop crying. Look up.”

Unlike Yui, I could do this much. But Rubia slowly shook her head, sighing and bending her legs and waist.

I met Rubia’s teary eyes.

Sweeping her long, light pink hair to the side, I reached out and began to wipe away her tear marks.

Rubia tried to take the handkerchief and wipe her own face, but I stopped her with my other hand.

“If it’s true that I saved you, I’m glad. After all, you’re still here, and so am I.”

Her wrist was really delicate. It felt like it would break if I applied even a little force.

“So don’t feel guilty towards me. You should be grateful.”

“...”

“To be honest, I still don’t understand. I treated you coldly and uncomfortably before I lost my memory. There must have been something significant that happened to me, but that’s not who I am now.”

It’s inevitable. I don’t have the experience. That’s why I decided to have a conversation with Rubia as soon as possible.

...If I ever regain my memory, I might not know how to treat Rubia.

“I’ll say one thing. If the reason you’re struggling lately is because of me, you don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

“...”

“I said I don’t like you or dislike you. No, I don’t dislike you. I like you. No matter what, you’re my friend. A friend for nine years. A childhood friend.”

That’s right.

This is correct.

We were always friends. We were friends, nothing more, which is why we could be the most important people to each other. In middle school, I tried to break this bond carelessly. As a result, it broke. If we trace back to the beginning, the reason Rubia and I are this distant is entirely my fault.

I gently wiped away Rubia’s tears. Her eyes, still glistening, seemed ready to spill more tears at any moment, but she held back because I told her not to. I was proud of her.

Her sobs subsided.

I spoke.

“Rubia.”

“...Yeah. Ezio.”

Her voice was moist.

I continued quietly.

“In middle school, I’m sorry for ignoring you.”

“...”

“I’m sorry for not keeping the promise back then. I said I would stay friends with you, but if I knew it wouldn’t work out, I shouldn’t have said it.”

“...”

“Rubia, it’s true that I liked you. I even loved you. That’s why we ended up drifting apart. I’m sorry for that too.”

Now I could say it calmly.

In the past, I might have blushed saying the word “love,” but not now.

Yes. A lot of time has passed. Both of us have changed and grown.

After meeting another important person and making another mistake, I finally felt like I was stepping onto the stairs to adulthood.

Rubia looked at me. I looked at Rubia. The distance was close. We were closer in our childhood. We were often closer. But we have grown. We were still friends. No matter how important, we wouldn’t cross the line.

Rubia also thought of me as a friend. So there was no need to hesitate. I held the handkerchief to her face and gazed at her. Our breaths mingled. It was funny, but in the past, I felt a strong urge when I looked at those light pink lips.

Not now.

“I can keep it now.”

I felt a sense of relief.

Finally, it seemed I had completely let go.

The friendship Rubia wanted.

I could finally fulfill it.

I said this.

“Will you stay friends with me?”

“...”

Silence fell between us.

Rubia stared at me blankly.

And.

I had a vague idea of Rubia’s reaction.

...But it was off.

Rubia was in a very weak state of mind and body. She wasn’t in good health, and today she had a near-death accident. I saved her, maybe twice, or even three times, from death. It was a fact that would be recorded forever.

The accumulated fatigue in her body. The long-buried emotions. The nostalgic cabin. The situation where she could finally face me sincerely. The long time we hadn’t seen each other. The closeness felt at this distance, the joy, the longing, or—

It was a short question.

“...Just, friends?”

Half-closed eyelids.

A drowsy voice flowed.

Rubia said something incomprehensible.

“Just... friends, in the end?”

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