Chapter 68

### Chapter 68: The Unspoken Secret (3)

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#5

Mew agonized over it countless times.

How could she tell Elio the truth? In reality, it wasn't something that required deep contemplation. She just needed to say it. She could list everything she knew, from one to ten.

It was that simple and straightforward.

Why couldn't she do it?

She had to help Elio recover his lost memories. It was impossible for him to live on, forgetting everything. So, she had to tell him.

Mew,

You have to admit all the wrongs you've done.

You have to confess everything ... straightforwardly, everything.

You belittled Elio's tireless efforts. You brought him down to the depths. You dug deeper into the wounds already etched in his heart.

You demeaned the person you truly loved, as if he were insignificant, and raged at him. You screamed. You twisted your lips in mockery. You were incredibly selfish. You treated the love you gave as a right, expecting unreasonable returns.

At that time, you were a despicable and ugly person, almost comparable to a beast.

Because you hated Elio for standing you up on your birthday.

Without knowing what state Elio was in at the time. Without knowing what had happened to him ...

Even as he limped, covered in dark blood, to keep his promise to you.

Mew inflicted wounds on her lover that would never heal.

...Or so it seemed.

They were erased.

The only one who remembered that moment was herself.

Elio had forgotten everything. He still thought well of her.

In a small part of her, it was somewhat comforting.

But it wasn't at all comforting.

The fact that Elio's immense wounds were completely erased was certainly good news. He would suffer less. However, the truth couldn't be hidden.

She had to tell him someday.

What kind of harsh words did the person you love, the one you love more than anyone, pour out on you?

Even though there wasn't a single vulgar word, how sharp and cutting they were. How they were like nails, like sharp needles. And at the end, you almost hurled insults directly at Elio.

You no longer had the right to stand by his side.

If you truly wanted forgiveness, Elio had to forgive you while remembering everything.

But that was an unlikely scenario. Of course, Elio had forgotten everything.

So, there was only one way. Mew had to explain everything that happened that day to Elio, the person involved.

The ten hours of waiting, the memorable birthday, none of it mattered.

There was only one thing Mew had to explain to Elio.

What exactly did she do wrong?

Why was she crying so bitterly?

The person who loves more always becomes the subordinate, not the dominant. Despite the significant events, Mew still loved Elio inappropriately.

Seeing him still made her heart flutter. Facing him made her want to kiss him without thinking. She always wanted to show him her best side and sleep in the same bed with him. The once beautiful young girl still harbored deep affection for the man she once fell for.

She had to stab the person she loved so much with a cold dagger again. She had to confess her sins one by one.

He would definitely ... be hurt. More than anything, he would be deeply disappointed in her. For Mew, that future was terrifying and frightening.

She didn't want to hurt the person she loved, and she didn't want to be hated by the person she loved.

So,

She couldn't say it.

But Elio wanted her to.

Right here, right now.

Mew couldn't say it.

Not yet ... she wasn't prepared at all.

"——Senpai is really..."

A piece of trash.

No. No...

I never thought that.

She was cornered. Her tightly gripped wrist. Her instinctive step back. Elio applied more force. She couldn't resist. He would get hurt if she did.

So, she had to beg. She had to plead. Let go. Not now. I'll tell you everything later, please let me go now. But he didn't listen.

"No, tell me. Right here, right now."

From that moment, Mew fell into a delusion.

The gasping, bloodied senpai. The words she spat out in front of his battered form. She didn't forget any of it. The terrifying memories etched in her mind, like countless leeches, squeezed her heart.

"No, no. Really, no. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Elio."

"Tell me."

No.

I can't say it...

Her lungs constricted, making it hard to breathe. Her throat was choked up. The negative emotions surging in her head stabbed sharply, and tears trickled down like blood from a wound.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I was wrong. I, I was wrong... Senpai... let me go, please..."

"I told you, I'm not your senpai."

"No, no... Senpai, I was wrong... It's my fault. Please, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say those things, those words... Hic, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... Senpai... I'm sorry..."

"...Why are you like this?"

Exactly.

Why am I like this? I shouldn't be.

Senpai will think badly of me. I'll seem like a mad person.

Senpai, senpai.

Elio's shadow stretched long. One person looked like two. A small senpai and a large senpai. They soon merged into one.

"...I'm sorry, Mew."

The bloodied image overlapped.

The harsh words she spat out. The sudden disappearance of senpai. Everything seemed to be my fault. Ah, stop. Stop. My legs went limp. I collapsed. Vivid memories replayed in Mew's mind. The most recent one came to mind. Elio, with a large hole in his chest, whispering softly to me. His gentle voice, which I can no longer hear.

Instead, another voice was heard.

The trauma that gnawed at Mew had reached a point where it created illusions of things that never existed.

Senpai grabbed her shoulder and shook her, his face distorted like a demon, bellowing like thunder. It's all your fault. You made me this way.

Then... Mew had no choice but to apologize.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, senpai..."

The future that could have been happy was ruined.

By her own hands.

Realizing this unbearable fact again, and the situation where she had to recount everything that happened, word by word, Mew fell into a panic. She couldn't find an escape or a solution, trapped in an endless nightmare.

"...It's okay. It's okay, calm down."

"...Huh, huh. I'm sorry, senpai. I... I, I was wrong..."

"It's okay. Nothing will happen. It's all okay. I promise. This time, I'll definitely keep it... Calm down, Mew."

It was a moment like that.

Mew was alive in the midst of the hell she created.

#6

He held her for a long time, comforting her.

It's okay. Nothing will happen. It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. He repeated these words like a mantra. Wrapping Mew, who was huddled like a baby bird that fell from a tree branch, in his arms, he continued to calm her until their mismatched heartbeats gradually synchronized.

Pat, pat.

Her crying eventually stopped.

Only intermittent breaths were now exhaled onto my chest.

"...I was really surprised, you know."

I don't know what she did wrong to act like this.

If she's groaning and in so much pain, and feels so sorry to me, maybe I should forgive her.

No matter how big the mistake, it's hard to see the Mew in my memory, who used to call me senpai, in such a broken state.

But she's not the type to act like this for no reason.

There must have been something between us.

But I don't know what it is.

She's in so much pain, to the point of fainting. A sane person wouldn't pressure her further in this situation.

'Can't help it...'

We'll talk later.

This time, it was my mistake.

There will be other opportunities. If she needs time to prepare, I should wait. I decided not to push her further.

It would be better to resolve it as soon as possible, but we have plenty of time. We'll see each other often unless someone deliberately separates us.

I might have been too hasty, wanting to recover my lost memories. If I hear her story, I might uncover most of what I've forgotten.

But it's becoming difficult.

Since Mew is afraid to talk to me about it, I might have to either forget about the lost memories or find another way.

Another way...

Who could help?

Not necessarily someone who can tell me the story.

Just a way to fully recover my own memories.

There must be someone out there.

Then,

I remembered something from a while ago.

"—You're Elio Crain, right? You fought Elena-sama on equal terms in the 4th School District! Wow, I didn't expect we'd be in the same group!"

'...Elena-senpai.'

The rumors I heard from various places.

To summarize the facts, Elena Cramer was definitely there. Our senior. A key figure in the Southern Demon Realm Expedition...

I don't know why, but I thought she might know something about my condition since she was there at the time. It's just a vague guess, not a certainty.

Even so.

Elena isn't someone I can meet just because I want to... What should I do?

I remember that after the 4th School District incident, meetings with Elena were scheduled for the Frontier faculty.

So, Elena would be staying in the Frontier until all those meetings were over.

The opportunity was closer than I thought.

It's not a bad idea. Even if I can't find a solution, getting advice on my situation would be a great help. Elena is a senior and a strong adult. Just seeing her gives me a sense of reassurance.

While I was lost in thought,

I felt Mew's heartbeat, which had calmed down, suddenly speed up.

...What is it?

But her body wasn't shaking like before. It felt stiff instead. Worried that it might start again, I gently stroked her back.

"It's okay, Mew. Now..."

"...It's okay."

"Really, it's okay...?"

It was a very small, almost whispered voice.

I stopped speaking mid-sentence.

"...I, I'm okay now."

That's what it seems.

After holding Mew for a while, her arm, which had been lying on the floor, slowly wrapped around my back.

We were hugging each other.

Her hand was still on my back, gripping my cardigan, and it didn't seem like she was going to let go.

I asked cautiously.

"...Really?"

"...Yeah."

A small answer came back.

Has she regained her composure? That's a relief.

I was genuinely relieved.

Honestly, it was a bit... scary. And confusing.

"Then, let go of this for a moment..."

"...No."

Grip.

The strength in Mew's hand, gripping my shirt, increased.

Mew wasn't particularly small. She was about 164 cm tall. The last time she told me her exact height was almost a year ago, so she might be a bit taller now. I don't know. She looked almost the same. Anyway, she was a bit taller than average.

But she felt so small to me.

She was completely in my arms, and I could faintly hear her heartbeat.

It was beating so fast, it felt like it would burst. My own heart, which was pressed against hers, started to beat faster too. The scent of Mew, intensified by the sweat, made me feel strangely.

"Let's go inside and rest..."

"...No."

"...Why?"

"...I can't see your face."

"...?"

"...I'm embarrassed..."

She squeezed even tighter.

I couldn't think of anything to say.

As I remained silent, Mew whispered.

"...I'm sorry for showing you such a strange face."

"...No, it's okay. It happens."

Life is full of ups and downs.

I continued softly.

"I didn't think it was strange at all. I was worried. I didn't know what would happen to you. Now that you're okay, that's all that matters."

"..."

"For a while... I won't ask anything. When you feel comfortable, when you want to, you can tell me. And... I still don't understand why you're acting like this. I don't remember the content of the letter you wrote to me... I don't remember anything. If it was important, I'm really sorry for not remembering."

"...Elio, you shouldn't be sorry."

Mew's ponytail swayed from side to side. She buried her face deeper into my chest.

"I'm the one who should be sorry."

"..."

At Mew's self-deprecating mutter,

I placed my hand gently on the back of her head, as if to say it wasn't true.

Her small body shuddered for a moment. It wasn't the first time I did this. I moved my hand carefully, as I had done when stroking her back.

How long did we stay like that?

Mew whispered.

"...Elio."

"Yeah."

"...I don't like it when you're nice to me."

"...What do you mean?"

When I asked,

Mew spoke quietly, trailing off.

"If you keep being nice..."

Grip.

"I'll hurt more..."

"..."

I asked what she meant,

But I didn't really want to hear the answer.

I could feel it without her saying it.

Mew wanted me right now. Her attitude was completely opposite to her words about not wanting me to be nice.

She hugged me tighter, entrusting her entire body to me. So, I didn't follow her words and spoke softly.

"...It's okay to hurt. I'm here with you."

It might seem like the wrong thing to say to someone who is hurting because of me.

But paradoxically, it was a problem only I could solve.

Mew was silent for a long time.

"...Don't do that..."

She muttered, as if blaming me.

She gripped my shirt even tighter.

#6

Mew returned to the dormitory.

She couldn't show me her disheveled face, so she pulled up her training jacket almost to her nose. She picked up the fallen scabbard and left the 3rd building as if she were running away.

'...I feel so tired.'

Is this a temporary solution...?

I need to keep a close eye on Mew's condition for a while.

I came here to find Hector, but something unexpected happened. I didn't achieve my original purpose. What should I do? It's almost time for my appointment with Gabriel. Should I just skip it? Of course, I mean Gabriel, not Hector.

As I looked at the door Mew had left through,

I decided to go to the dormitory where Hector was staying.

"Sniff, sniff."

"...?"

There was a sound behind me.

I hadn't noticed, but someone had taken up a position behind me. A shiver ran down my spine, and I turned around in surprise.

"It smells. It really does. It's completely soaked in. Sniff, it's much stronger than usual. Can I have it? Huh?"

I took a step back, startled.

"...Who are you?"

"Who? It's Sasha. Who else?"

Since when were you here?

Sasha, with her hands on her hips, declared confidently.

Why are you here with me?

"Ah, yeah. Sasha. What's up?"

"Um... There's something..."

Sasha, drawing out her words, lifted her tiptoes and spun around in place. Her sky-blue twin tails swirled like a pinwheel.

"Sasha actually saw everything. Did you notice? I didn't interfere, right? I did a good job, didn't I?"

She laughed, then suddenly stopped spinning. She didn't seem dizzy, and she hopped around noisily by my side.

For a moment, I saw my cousin, whom I rarely saw, superimposed on Sasha. He was a terrible kid who would ask "Why?" to everything I said, tormenting me...

As the dizziness cleared,

I realized what Sasha was talking about and, pretending to be calm, walked past her.

"...It's none of your business."

"Is it? It's totally related. Are you and Mew in a romantic relationship? Are you an adult, unlike Sasha? Eek! Eek! Embarrassing!"

She put her hands on her cheeks and twisted her body.

Her exaggerated reaction left me speechless. I couldn't find anything to say. It was true that we were in a romantic relationship, but not anymore.

I was momentarily speechless, then started thinking about how to get out of this annoying situation where an unwanted friend had latched onto me.

"Hey, hey, what happened? Tell Sasha. I'm curious. And if you two are close—"

"Maybe, but it's none of your business."

"..."

Sasha puffed out her cheeks at my cold response.

"...That's mean. You're heartless. Sasha wants to be friends with Mew too. Why can't Sasha be the first to be friends with her? It's unfair!"

That's right.

I listened with one ear and let it out the other as I walked down the hallway.

Then, at some point,

Sasha, who had been hopping around me, stopped and walked slowly, lightly gripping the hem of my cardigan. She then murmured in a suddenly somber voice.

"And, I need to apologize to Mew... Mew won't talk to me at all."

"..."

Sasha's eyes suddenly glistened.

It didn't seem like she was lying, so I couldn't help but be interested.

It was probably natural, but maybe Sasha had made a mistake while hanging around Mew. But at least her desire to be friends with Mew seemed genuine.

I don't have time for this right now.

Just as I was about to listen to what happened,

—Vroom...

The elevator