Chapter 3

Sighing with relief, he felt incredibly lucky. As soon as his tense heart relaxed, his stomach growled loudly.

"Damn! I almost forgot the main reason I came here." Yi Yun squeezed his legs together, unable to hold it any longer. He glanced around the quaint little courtyard, but nowhere did it look like a toilet.

"Ah..." He let out a soft cry, and a silent fart slipped out, creating some space in his stomach. Feeling slightly relieved, Yi Yun looked around furtively, confirming no one was around, and continued to silently release the gas.

"Damn! Is your stomach full of rotten eggs?" A furious voice suddenly roared, startling Yi Yun. The gas he was releasing stopped abruptly.

"Damn! The rockery on the right is the toilet. Hurry up and go there to take care of it, don't pollute the air here!" The voice shouted again, this time more sharply.

Looking around the courtyard, he saw no one.

"Is there a surveillance system here? But it's impossible for it to detect my silent release, right?" Yi Yun was puzzled, but before his doubts could turn into wild thoughts, he felt a sudden heaviness in his stomach: Oh no! It's about to overflow!

He ran madly and rushed into a rockery on the right side of the small wooden building. A cave appeared before him, with a horizontal plaque hanging above it:

"Cycle of Five Grains Hall"

With his mind completely controlled by his lower body, he rushed into the cave but hesitated: the cave split into two paths, with the word "Yin" carved on the right wall and "Yang" on the left.

"Hehe! Kid, you're stumped, aren't you!" A teasing voice sounded.

"Phew." A sound like a tire deflating followed.

"Ugh! It's really stinky! Go to the 'Yang' side!" The teasing voice gagged.

Ignoring the mysterious voice, Yi Yun rushed into the "Yang" side. Fortunately, although the outside was made to look like a rockery, the inside was just like a regular public toilet.

He undid his belt and, before he could squat, the fermented contents of his stomach poured out.

"Ah! What a relief!" Yi Yun sighed, wiping away the tears that had squeezed out from the sudden release.

"Ugh! Ugh! I haven't smelled something this stinky in a hundred years!" A hoarse voice came from below.

Startled, he instinctively stood up and looked down, but saw nothing except the disgusting pile.

"Am I hallucinating?" he wondered.

"I can't take it! This is really testing my patience!" The hoarse voice sounded again, this time with a hint of despair.

This time, Yi Yun heard it clearly. He had been so preoccupied with his own release that he had forgotten everything else. Now, as he calmed down, he noticed the cave was dim and a faint breeze blew, reminding him of classic scenes from horror movies.

"Heavens! How can it be so stinky!" The hoarse voice roared again. Yi Yun couldn't take it anymore, stood up, and quickly jumped to the side. Looking back, he didn't see the expected scene: a pair of pale hands reaching out from the toilet.

His heart raced as he felt around his body: Damn! I forgot to bring any paper.

"Hey! Kid, you didn't bring any paper, right? Here, you're lucky to meet me." A piece of paper was handed to him from behind.

"Thanks." Yi Yun, still staring at the spot where he had been squatting, took the paper and wiped himself, then pulled up his pants.

Turning around, he saw a hunched old man. Upon a closer look, Yi Yun screamed and ran out, but since his pants were still down, he fell to the ground. Struggling to stand up, he pulled up his pants and ran out of the toilet without looking back.

"Damn!" Yi Yun, still screaming, rushed to the second floor. The second floor was a large open space, cluttered like a storage room, with tall blue-and-white porcelain vases, various gourds, pottery jars, and bronze tripods scattered everywhere. Near the door, a giant octagonal furnace was emitting choking white smoke. On one side of the furnace, a middle-aged man in a tattered Taoist robe was holding a broken fan and looking at Yi Yun with a bewildered expression.

Thinking of the old man in the toilet, Yi Yun felt a chill: the old man had chicken-like legs, scattered feathers, and a chicken-like head.

Trembling, he finally managed to say, "There's a monster in the toilet!"

The middle-aged man, who looked quite unsavory, smiled strangely when he heard this. "Hey! The old man in the mountain just told me. You must be the new monster affairs officer, Yi Yun, right?"

"Damn! There really is a monster in the toilet!" Yi Yun, still trembling, looked back, but fortunately, the monster didn't follow.

"Really? A monster in the toilet? That's hard to believe. Monsters wouldn't dare come here," the middle-aged man stroked his messy beard, clearly not believing it.

"Really! It has chicken-like legs..." Yi Yun gestured, trying to describe it.

"Does it look like a chicken that hasn't been fully plucked?" the middle-aged man summarized.

Yi Yun nodded quickly.

"Scary! Ha-ha, that's the Purple Crane. He's a low-level divine servant in charge of the Cycle of Five Grains Hall. If he hears you calling him a monster, he might lose a few more feathers," the middle-aged man laughed.

"What!" Yi Yun, hearing the middle-aged man's casual tone, realized he had entered a very strange place.

"Why are you so surprised? The old Purple looks much better than most monsters. By the way, I'm Xu Baize, an advisor to the Wu Department of the Jiuli Mansion. You can call me Master Xu. Yi Yun, where are you from? Kunlun Mountain? Shu Mountain? Maoshan? Longhu Mountain? Or some island?"

"I graduated from Yeji University." Still in shock, Yi Yun didn't understand Xu Baize's question and answered as such. Looking at the man's unsavory face, he thought: Indeed, those who call themselves masters are all perverts.

"Yeji University? Never heard of it. A new sect, I guess? But that makes sense. Ha-ha, how could those famous sects send their cultivators to a place like this?" Xu Baize said with a self-deprecating smile.

"Really, there's a monster in the toilet, just like you described!" Yi Yun was still agitated.

"Okay, okay, I know the old Crane looks disgusting, but you don't have to keep bringing it up," Xu Baize said, sounding impatient.

"Yi brother, because Zhi Jun was bitten by the Black Armor Snake, the monster affairs have been piling up for nearly three days. You need to take over quickly." Xu Baize paused and then asked, "Yi brother, what level of cultivation do you have? What kind of magic do you specialize in? What type of monster-catching device do you prefer?"

"Black Armor Snake? Master Xu, are you talking about a video game or a fantasy novel?" Yi Yun, slightly calmer, still didn't understand and asked again.

Xu Baize looked at Yi Yun with a strange expression, then raised his hand and casually drew a line, sending a silver-white light that knocked Yi Yun flying. Before Yi Yun could land, Xu Baize started cursing, "What the hell! No wonder I can't see any cultivation! I thought I had recruited a high-level cultivator! Old Mountain! Did you send me a commoner to fill the position!"

Then, he transformed into a silver-white light and rushed downstairs.

Watching this bizarre scene, Yi Yun rubbed his eyes and bit his tongue hard, feeling the pain. He exclaimed, "Damn! This isn't just a hallucination from reading too many fantasy novels!"

As if to confirm this, the giant octagonal furnace began to emit heart-wrenching screams. Through the transparent round holes on the furnace, Yi Yun saw various ugly and sinister faces. Compared to the monsters in movies, these were far more unimaginable.

"Damn! Real monsters!" Yi Yun was completely stunned and fell to the ground.

After a while, Xu Baize returned upstairs, looking angry. Seeing Yi Yun sitting on the ground, he sighed, "This is just causing trouble! Sending a commoner to fill the position!"

"There are monsters!" Yi Yun, completely dazed, pointed at the octagonal furnace.

"What the hell! A commoner as a monster affairs officer? This is the first time in thousands of years!" Xu Baize shook his head and sighed, taking out a dirty gourd and pouring a black pill into Yi Yun's mouth, "Wasting a Tranquility Pill, I'll deduct it from your salary."

After taking the black pill, Yi Yun slowly came to his senses. He started crying, "Damn, what kind of situation is this!"

"Kid, stop crying. You've already signed the contract and drunk the Heart-Binding Tea..."

Before Xu Baize could finish, Yi Yun quickly turned around, muttering, "There really are monsters in this world, damn! There really are monsters!"

Xu Baize grabbed Yi Yun, who was trying to run away, "Kid, where are you going?"

"I want to go home. Damn, there really are monsters..." Yi Yun, with tears and snot, was already terrified.

"Go home? Ha-ha." Xu Baize laughed coldly, "Kid, didn't you hear what I just said? You've signed the contract and drunk the Heart-Binding Tea. Now you're a monster affairs officer for the Wu Department of the Jiuli Mansion. Do you still want to quit?"

"Ah! I'm a monster affairs officer? Sob, please, I don't even know what this is about." Yi Yun was completely stunned.

"You don't know what this is about? It's all written in the contract. If you didn't know, why did you sign it?" Xu Baize looked at Yi Yun in surprise, finally unable to bear his pitiful crying, and explained, "The Wu Department of the Jiuli Mansion mainly deals with the refining of elixirs. These elixirs are made from monsters, spirits, and ghosts. As a monster affairs officer, your job is to catch and capture them."

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