Chapter 11

11

“I’m Adeline Albinis. We haven’t met before, have we?”

The woman who had exchanged warm greetings with Theodor now spoke to me. Her kind voice and smiling face seemed incredibly natural, as if she genuinely held a favorable impression of me.

“Yes, you are Lady Adeline Albinis. I’ve heard about you. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

I greeted her flawlessly and calmly. Adeline Albinis nodded enthusiastically, almost excessively, and then hopped over to stand beside Theodor. ……Even though I didn’t know her well, I thought her actions were likely to appear cute. Perhaps it was because of her rare pink hair, but she genuinely looked adorable.

“Teo and I have been close since we were young. We’re childhood friends. We have no secrets from each other, you know. Right?”

“……”

Theodor nodded indifferently, looking slightly annoyed. Adeline seemed bothered but not displeased. After all, who could dislike someone so lovely? Besides, she had once been a potential match for Theodor.

From what I heard, the engagement was called off due to the strong opposition of the Duke of Albinis, though the Duchess of Albinis had been in favor of Theodor. Before my father, Duke Everett, tried to arrange a marriage between Theodor and me, she had been trying to persuade the Duke of Albinis.

‘After my divorce, Adeline might marry Theodor. Of course, the Duke of Albinis would have to approve……’

“……”

Suddenly, I felt dirty.

It was as if I had stepped on a disgusting bug. Unpleasant, uncomfortable, and irritating…… These feelings were growing within me.

“Hmm? You don’t look well. Is something bothering you……?”

Adeline asked, genuinely concerned. I silently looked at her standing next to Theodor. They looked so well-suited, like a real couple.

How nice for Adeline.

‘……?’

I paused. That thought…… Am I going crazy? Why am I thinking this?

I need to pull myself together.

“Oh, you really don’t look well. Your face is pale.”

“I’m fine. Let’s continue the conversation. I’ll step out for a moment.”

Theodor opened his mouth as if to say something, but I quickly turned and left the room.

As I entered the deserted corridor, Charlotte quickly followed. She must have been watching me from nearby. She carefully wrapped a shawl around my shoulders and asked considerately,

“Madam, are you tired? Would you like some warm tea with honey and lemon?”

“……No, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

Charlotte and I went up to my room. Since the atmosphere was already tense, there was no need for me to stay. It would be easier for the Everett family to gossip if I left.

Sitting by the fireplace, Charlotte brought me a cup of warm water. The steam rising from the hot water provided a strange sense of comfort. Despite feeling relaxed, my heart continued to race, as if I were being chased or had left something important behind. ……But there was nothing like that, and there shouldn’t be.

‘Thinking about it, did I take her place?’

The sudden thought startled me, and I froze. I don’t understand why I keep thinking about her, about her and Theodor. I want to shake it off.

But the image of Adeline Albinis, so lovely, and Theodor, who fit her so perfectly, kept coming to mind. I wanted to dig these thoughts out of my brain. It was frustrating. This was all pointless.

‘Adeline can comfort Theodor. Lily Everett can’t.’

A voice inside me mocked me. I closed my eyes tightly and bit my lip.

Shut up.

Please, stop.

“Madam, would you like to go to bed early tonight? I can burn some lavender to help you sleep……”

“……Yes, I think I’ll go to bed early. Please burn the lavender.”

“Yes, Madam!”

I quickly changed into my nightgown and got into bed. Charlotte moved quietly, like a shadow, lit a small lamp, and burned the lavender. She remembered that I preferred a less dark room when I was particularly tired. I closed my eyes and whispered,

“Thank you, Charlotte.”

“You’re welcome, Madam. Sleep well.”

Click. As Charlotte closed the door and left, a lonely silence filled the room.

Tossing and turning, I couldn’t fall asleep. Finally, I got out of bed and approached the side table. I opened the last drawer and took out a hidden bottle of medicine. It was a sleeping pill.

Although the pharmacist had warned me that long-term use could be harmful, I had been finding it increasingly difficult to sleep without them recently.

……So, I had no choice. I took two pills and swallowed them. This would ensure a deep sleep until morning.

* * *

Dreams are the harbingers of awakening. When a dream begins, I often wake up soon after.

I was particularly sensitive to the dream environment. When I dreamed, I easily recognized that it was a dream, and sometimes I could control it. Some people call this a "lucid dream."

‘What kind of dream is this?’

If it were a nightmare involving Owen, Hessen, or Lennon, I would have to destroy and dispel it. I didn’t want to see them even in my dreams.

Fortunately, this seemed to be an ordinary dream. Ordinary…… No, is this an ordinary dream? Not a nightmare?

“Lily.”

The Theodor in my dream called my name with a bright smile. His voice was so sweet it could melt my eardrums. ……I couldn’t believe I was having such a dream and just stood there, stunned. It was unbelievable. Why was I dreaming about him? And in such a way……

“Lily?”

When I just stood there, Theodor tilted his head in confusion and tried to approach me.

I quickly stepped back and muttered without realizing it,

“D-Don’t come closer.”

It was a foolish thing to do. Since this was my dream, I could just dispel him. Why couldn’t I……

“……Why are you doing this?”

……His eyes, filled with genuine concern, warm and tender, made my mind go blank.

He had approached me and gently reached out to caress my cheek. His touch was as careful as if he were handling a porcelain doll. I felt weak. No one, not even my mother, whose whereabouts were unknown, had ever treated me like this.

“……Don’t do this.”

“Lily, why……”

The Theodor in my dream seemed so real. Having such vivid dreams was troublesome because it was hard to distinguish them from reality.

I pushed his hand away, closed my eyes tightly, and ended the dream.

As the dream world blurred, the darkness of reality became clearer. I was awake, and tears were streaming down my face. ……What was the point of such a dream?

The room was dark. The lamp had run out of oil and gone out. It was 5:00 AM. ……Since I had gone to bed early, I had slept quite well.

I sighed, got out of bed, and drank a glass of water. The water had a faint herbal scent, thanks to the herbs Charlotte had added to the kettle.

Feeling a bit calmer, I approached the window and sat down, trying to shake off the lingering images of the dream. I kept repeating to myself that it was just a dream, that it had no meaning……

Then, the door creaked open.

“……!”

Startled, I froze in my chair. Someone had entered the room. Even in the dark, I recognized the silhouette. ……But something seemed off.

Wobbling, he staggered around the room, as if he might fall at any moment. He looked around, as if searching for someone, and then paused when he saw me by the window.

His eyes, which had been unfocused, suddenly turned fierce. Theodor approached me, still staggering.

‘He seems drunk.’

It was the anniversary of his brother, Camille Valentin’s, death…… He must have been drinking all night. He’s not here to kill me, is he?

He collapsed into the chair in front of me, gripping the handle. His dazed eyes looked up at me. They were filled with a strong emotion that didn’t match his usually calm, blue eyes. It was intense, almost red, and seemed to be a mix of hatred and a desire to destroy……

……And something else, but it was rough and not gentle, as if he wanted to tear me apart.

“Ha……”

He chuckled and let out a sigh. Leaning his head to one side, he stared at me blankly and muttered to himself,

“Why am I here……”

I wanted to ask the same thing. Why did he come to me in such a vulnerable state, so drunk…… Was it to kill me out of his hatred for the Everett family, or……

“……”

Just in case.

It was a thought that felt like both hope and despair, and I couldn’t stop it from growing.

I reached out with trembling hands and cupped his pale cheeks. At that moment, I felt an urge to cut off my own arms. I didn’t understand why I was doing this, or rather, I did. That’s why I felt like I was going crazy. I told myself to ignore him, but why……

“……”

It was hopeless.

Seeing Theodor Valentin made me want to cry.

My heart hurt so much, beating so hard that I wished it would just stop.

If he came to me, I couldn’t push him away. I knew this heart of mine would become infinitely weak. I had known it from the beginning, from the first time I saw him in the garden of the Everett castle. The overwhelming fear I felt then.

I knew this heart would make me feel frustrated and miserable. I knew I shouldn’t expect anything from him or give anything freely. That’s why I had to suppress and kill it.

“You……”

I stopped the words that slipped out and moved my lips. A transparent tear rolled down Theodor’s face, just like a few days ago in the garden at dawn.

I felt my eyes well up with tears as I wiped his tears away. Then, on impulse, I wrapped my arms around him tightly.

His body, drenched in alcohol, felt as hot as a coal on fire.