Chapter 13

13

“Huh...!”

The kiss, mixed with tears, tasted salty. I tried to push him away, but eventually my strength drained, and I let my hands fall limp. The kiss, which had started merely to hurt me, lacked any consideration.

The moment he finally pulled away, I lost my balance and stumbled, eventually collapsing to the ground.

Breathing heavily, I looked up to meet his cold gaze. The look in his eyes, devoid of any warmth, made my heart feel as if it were being torn apart. In the end, had I once again hoped for something futile?

“Tell me, Miss Everett, how does it feel to kiss a man you don’t love?”

“...”

As I weakly tried to stand, Theodore’s cruel words pierced my ears. I felt a surge of resentment at his misunderstanding, but it quickly dissipated. I... had no right to resent him.

“Is it nothing? Then is it possible to go further? Can you share the same bed with me every night without it affecting you?”

Theodore, who had grabbed my upper arm, sneered. I felt dazed, as if I had been hit hard on the head. How... could he say such things? Did he really have to humiliate me like this?

“You... don’t know anything...”

Words escaped my lips without thought. My body trembled with humiliation. Theodore grabbed my chin again.

Crack!

At that moment, I roughly shook off his hand and, without realizing it, slapped him.

His head turned, and one side of his cheek instantly turned red. He stood still, even after being slapped. I staggered backward, my palm tingling from the force of the slap.

The room fell into a cold silence. A mocking laugh escaped his lips, and his eyes, filled with clear hatred, seemed to pierce me with their coldness.

Unconsciously, I hugged my upper body with my arms. Theodore sneered, his voice laced with derision.

“So you do have some pride.”

“...”

“After all, the great Miss Everett wouldn’t genuinely want to share a bed with me. I apologize for overstepping my bounds.”

He glared at me intensely, then turned and left.

“...”

I stared blankly at the spot he had vacated, then stumbled to the bed and sat down. It felt like I had just experienced a nightmare. The cold seeping into my skin made me curl up, and soon sobs escaped my lips.

The sound of my weeping filled the room, as if it didn’t belong to me. My body shook uncontrollably. I felt miserable, sad, scared, and lonely, and there was no one to comfort me. Not even Charlotte.

I had finally faced my feelings for Theodore, and I found myself so weak and pitiful...

“Huh...”

I had to bear all these emotions alone, as if swallowing thorns. Even if I tried to ignore and discard them, could I really do that? Was it that easy? What should I do now?

If only I had been a monster like my father.

If only I had been a monster incapable of loving anyone...

‘Then I wouldn’t have felt this pain.’

The illusion was thin, the hope was weak, and the truth was stark, while despair was vast. I had unconsciously hoped that if I fell in love with someone, I could be saved by that person.

So I had deluded myself. I had hoped that Theodore Valenti might understand me, that he might save me if he got to know me...

Without knowing that he only hated me.

I found it so ridiculous that I had clung to him and depended on him.

‘Even if I’m not the biological child of the Duke of Everett, even if I’m different from them, would Theodore believe me?’

I buried my face in my palms. Tears pooled in my eyes, and I felt as if I would drown in them forever. I wanted to die from the sorrow. Why me, why...

I wanted to rip out my heart, which was painfully throbbing inside me. I screamed, “Please, no more, I don’t want to feel this pain anymore,” but my heart remained in place.

Why did I have to care for Theodore Valenti? Why did I have to feel such vivid emotions for him, when I could have been with someone else?

“...”

I felt a ray of light through my fingers and suddenly looked up. Dawn was breaking, but there was no warmth.

I cried for a while longer, then stared blankly out the window. It felt like a lie that a new day was starting.

Knock knock

A knock came from outside the door, but I didn’t respond and buried myself deeper under the covers, sinking into the darkness.

The sun was not rising in my day. Perhaps, never.

* * *

After that, Theodore’s attitude toward me became even colder and sharper.

Even a glance from him would send a barb my way, and I could only flinch in response.

I grew increasingly afraid of him. I didn’t even know if my feelings for him were what I feared. Those feelings made me weak. In front of him, I was endlessly vulnerable, and even a fragment of his gaze could easily wound me.

I hated myself so much that I wanted to shatter and destroy myself. But as always, I lacked the courage to end my own life. I couldn’t run away either. If I did, my father and Owen might use it as an excuse to harm the Valenti family, given their current weak position.

So I was in a dilemma. I was surrounded by knives, with no way out. The best I could do was to huddle in my place.

But one day, I mustered the courage to speak.

“Your Grace, I have something to say...”

“I’m busy.”

“It will only take a moment.”

“What is it? Don’t waste my time; be brief.”

His irritable gaze made my shoulders automatically hunch, but I managed to say the words I had practiced in my heart.

“I’m different from my father and brothers. I... didn’t want this marriage. I didn’t marry to harm the Valenti family; it was because of my father’s coercion. In fact, I wanted to help the Valenti family and you...”

But the words that came out were incoherent. I struggled to organize my thoughts, but naturally, I wasn’t given the time. Theodore, who had been staring at me, laughed shortly and said,

“I was wondering what you were trying to say... If you’re going to lie, make it more convincing, Miss Everett. Your expression is passable, though.”

He turned away with a cold laugh. As I stared blankly at his retreating back, I felt something inside me break.

Theodore often went to the front lines to close the cracks that frequently appeared in the territory, staying away for as short as three days or as long as one or two months.

He was very busy, and it became increasingly difficult for me to speak to him. A sense of resignation slowly took root in my heart.

During my time at the Valenti castle, Charlotte was the only one I could confide in, and I was excluded from all family events or felt isolated in minor situations.

The subtle and cunning harassment from the servants was overlooked by Mrs. Seymour. One day, dead birds were scattered on the windowsill of my room, but everyone pretended not to notice, and Charlotte angrily cleaned them up.

Such incidents happened quite often. Eventually, I became accustomed to animal carcasses. Birds, mice, snakes, frogs, and occasionally insects. I no longer felt surprised when I saw them.

The people of the Valenti castle whispered among themselves, saying that I was creepy. But I wasn’t hurt by such things. What hurt me was something else. The only person who could hurt me was always Theodore Valenti.

‘For the ball in the capital...’

‘Is my escort really necessary? Attend alone.’

‘I want to tend the herb greenhouse that has been abandoned in the garden and share the herbs, which can also be used as medicine, with the people of the territory.’

‘That won’t change my opinion of you. Don’t do something useless. You are not the Duchess of Valenti but Lily Everett. You will have to leave this castle after divorcing me someday.’

‘I really didn’t kill the puppy you were raising...’

‘Then why was its body found in your closet?’

‘I didn’t hide it; someone else—’

‘Enough. I don’t want to cause a commotion in the castle over this matter.’

‘...’

‘Theo, no, Your Grace, please help me. Just stay by my side until the ball is over, please...’

‘...What is this trick? Let go of my hand. Your brother is calling you; go see him.’

I withered.

The biggest shock to me was the realization that Theodore Valenti would never protect me under any circumstances.

This realization shattered the unconscious expectations and illusions I had harbored for him. At the ball, Owen, who had grabbed my hand, whispered, “Lily, you haven’t forgotten who you are, have you?”

I nodded like an automaton, and Owen smiled satisfactorily, adding, “Lily Everett, I made you. You are mine until you die.”

Lily Everett.

Lily Everett.

Lily Everett...

It sounded like a product name. I didn’t know, but surprisingly, many men wanted to buy me. They seemed to be waiting for me to divorce the Duke of Valenti. When they showed interest in taking me as a second wife or concubine, Owen would gauge their wealth and power.

Among them was Lennon Chester. He was the most likely candidate because he wanted to take me as his first wife and official spouse. He even claimed to love me genuinely, whispering his confession as he kissed my hand.

‘I love you, Lily. I want to make you mine as soon as possible.’

I see. I didn’t realize that so many people would be satisfied with just my shell. Or perhaps they only wanted my shell. After all, dolls are supposed to be light, quiet, and beautiful because they are hollow inside.

Two years ago, my father was looking for an opportunity to吞并瓦伦蒂家族。他成功了。为了保护家族和领土，西奥多·瓦伦蒂不得不与我结婚。这对我们中的任何一个人来说都不是自愿的婚姻。但我的不幸并不仅限于此。我对一个憎恨我和我的家族的男人产生了感情，对他抱有徒劳的希望。这才是我真正的不幸。

* * *

1年6个月，短暂而漫长的时光。

对他来说，这是一段空白，甚至更长。虽然他说已经和莉莉结婚1年6个月了，但他们的第一次相遇似乎要早得多。

大约两年前，他模糊地记得曾访问过埃弗雷特城堡。但这段记忆像被老鼠啃过的奶酪，支离破碎。他清楚地记得遇到了某人，但没有那段记忆。

西奥多确信，那段消失的记忆是关于莉莉的。

……为什么只有关于她的记忆完全消失了？

“对不起，主人。夫人说她不想见您……”

侍女困惑的声音让西奥多抬起头。

他的头部伤口已经痊愈，但为了保险起见，主治医生建议他暂时休息，所以他一直在休养。

西奥多合上手中的书，回想起与总管的对话。

“……主人与夫人结婚是为了瓦伦蒂家族。这是与埃弗雷特家族进行的一种交易。”

总管告诉他的信息都是零散的。

西奥多首先从总管那里了解情况，是因为他能传达相对客观和公正的事实。

之后，他从其他人那里也听到了关于莉莉的描述，他们都厌恶瓦伦蒂城堡的女主人。

“……”

西奥多默默起身。如果亲自去找她，她可能会见他。虽然不容易，但值得一试。

“你说你叫夏洛特？”

“是吗？是……！”

“连你的名字我也记不起来了。你和她关系亲密，所以才记得吗？”

“啊……”

“总之，我要去公爵夫人的房间，带路。”

夏洛特瞪大了眼睛。她似乎有话要说，但最终无奈地低下了头。

“是，我带路。”