Chapter 20

20

Somewhere in a book I once read, there was a passage that said, 'People need each other, but paradoxically, they cannot fully understand each other. Thus, this lack of understanding breeds discord in all relationships.'

I thought there was a lot of truth to those words. Theodore Valentine would never understand me, just as I could not understand him. We were complete strangers.

"…What do you mean by that?"

"…"

"Is the reason you took this medicine every day…?"

It seems you misunderstood. I really just couldn't sleep.

If I didn't get enough sleep, my headaches would worsen. The pain was so intense, it felt like my head was splitting, making it quite unbearable. So I took the medicine to get a good night's sleep. I knew that long-term use could be harmful to my body, but I didn't care.

I have always been afraid of taking my own life. But a life that is better than death is a life worth living. The medicine shortened my lifespan without causing pain, so it was a win-win situation.

However, I didn't take the medicine every day with the dramatic resolve of a protagonist in a melodrama, thinking, 'I will die by taking this medicine.' I simply wanted to fall asleep easily, and if I could end this life quickly, that would be even better.

"Don't misunderstand. I didn't take it to die. The side effects of the medicine didn't really matter to me. I don't mind if my lifespan is shortened."

"…What exactly…"

Theodore's face showed that he didn't understand. I never expected him to understand in the first place. He didn't know the time I had lived, and I didn't know his either.

I had long ago given up the hope that our lives could intertwine. I decided not to hope for anything anymore. Only then could I avoid disappointment, avoid getting hurt, and protect myself.

"Lily, you…"

Theodore's lips moved as if he wanted to ask something. I silently waited for him to speak, but instead, he let out a heavy sigh. His eyes, which looked up at me, were filled with confusion.

"…I know that before I lost my memory, I was cruel to you."

"…"

"Even though I can't undo what happened… I want to improve our relationship from now on. …I will do my best to make it happen."

I couldn't help but laugh at his words. Theodore's eyes widened in surprise at the sound of my laughter. I leaned against the wardrobe, laughing intermittently. It was too funny to contain.

"…Lily."

"Improve…?"

I shook my head and opened the wardrobe door. I knew he would regret this when his memory returned. He said he would do his best? Then I should do my best to avoid him until he remembers.

"…"

I handed him a large box I took out of the wardrobe. Theodore, who received the box, looked at me with a puzzled expression. He opened the box. Inside were dozens of unopened bottles of medicine.

"…What is this…"

Theodore's expression changed. In the next moment, he summoned a blue flame and burned all the bottles at once.

After retracting the elemental power, he roughly ran his hand through his hair.

"Are there more?"

"Really, that's all."

"…"

He buried his face in his palms and rubbed his eyes, then looked at me with a troubled expression. I didn't want to meet his eyes, so I subtly avoided his gaze and approached the sofa again.

Sitting on the sofa, I habitually lifted my teacup, but the tea was cold. Theodore came closer. He didn't sit in front of me but stood slightly diagonally, looking at me. After taking a sip of the cold tea, I spoke without looking at him.

"Your Highness."

"…Please call me by my name."

"Your Highness, how do you think we should improve this?"

I slammed the teacup on the table, breaking it.

The shattered pieces rolled on the table, and the atmosphere around us tensed. I turned to Theodore and asked,

"How do you improve something that's shattered like this?"

"…"

Theodore looked down at the table, his face frozen in shock. His gaze shifted to the side and paused. He murmured in a faint voice,

"…Blood."

"…?"

"It's bleeding! Damn it, what are you doing…!"

He stepped close and grabbed my hand. When I tried to pull it away reflexively, he firmly held my wrist. I panicked and struggled. Theodore, reacting to my fierce resistance, pulled me into his arms and examined my hand.

"…Your fourth and fifth fingers are cut quite deeply. You need immediate treatment."

He quickly spoke and then lifted me in his arms. I was in a daze, looking at his profile. A strong sense of rejection surged with my heartbeat. As I struggled, he held me tighter.

"Lily, stay still."

"Let go of me."

"You need to be treated before it gets worse. Let's go to the infirmary."

"Let go…!"

I was almost in a panic. The overwhelming sense of rejection made me feel like I was going to vomit. When I came to my senses, the doctor was applying medicine to my fingers and wrapping them with bandages, and Theodore was holding my shoulder, sitting beside me.

As soon as the doctor finished wrapping the bandages, I pushed Theodore away. "Lily." He called me, holding my face with both hands. Then he gently pulled me into his arms and slowly comforted me. I trembled and took shallow breaths, and suddenly felt my eyes well up. Blinking, I felt moisture on my eyelashes. Something wet trickled down my cheeks.

…It was unbelievable. Why was I crying?

"Lily…"

Theodore, with a look of concern, wiped away my tears. I tried to push him away and managed to speak.

"…Let go."

"I'll take you to your room. You can't go alone in this state."

He carefully lifted me. I wondered why I didn't just faint. I trembled in his arms and continued to cry.

As soon as we arrived at the room, I looked for Charlotte. Charlotte, who entered through the side door, seemed shocked by my appearance.

While Charlotte was anxious, Theodore laid me down on the bed, gently wiped away my tears, and said,

"…It's okay now. Don't cry."

"…"

I laughed through my tears, feeling utterly absurd. If this were a daydream, it would be a cruel one.

"I…"

My voice, choked with emotion, came out. I cried and laughed at the same time.

"You… scare me… Don't come close."

His blue eyes, reflecting my distorted face, were filled with confusion. I reached out over his shoulder to find Charlotte. Charlotte, who had been fidgeting, quickly approached, took my hand, and, mustering her courage, said to Theodore,

"I'm truly sorry, Your Highness, but please leave the room. I will take good care of the lady…"

"…"

Theodore, who had been dazed, blinked a few times and then slowly stood up. He kept looking at me as he headed for the door. I felt so uncomfortable with his gaze that I pulled the blanket over me and curled up.

* * *

"…"

When I opened my eyes, it was late morning. It seemed I had fallen asleep without taking a sleeping pill. Actually, it was more like I had fainted from mental exhaustion.

"Charlotte…"

Charlotte was sitting in a chair next to my bed, sleeping in an uncomfortable position. I felt very sorry for her and quickly got out of bed.

"Charlotte, wake up."

"Ah…! Oh, my lady!"

Charlotte's eyes widened in surprise. She quickly stood up and examined me.

"My lady, are you okay? Yesterday… you were really… injured and kept being scared, which made me very scared too."

Tears welled up in Charlotte's eyes. As my senses returned, I felt embarrassed by my behavior yesterday and very sorry for Charlotte. I held her hand, smiled bitterly, and nodded.

"I'm fine… I was just startled yesterday."

"What happened to your hand?"

"…I broke a teacup."

"Really? For you to make such a mistake… You must have been really tired lately."

Charlotte, thinking I needed some nourishing food, made a fuss. I went to the bathroom, washed my body, and changed into clean clothes. Then, led by Charlotte, I sat at the dining table. Charlotte, with a serious tone, said,

"You must eat a proper breakfast today. You can't just have a few pieces of fruit!"

"Okay…"

While Charlotte helped me with my grooming, the other maids had set the table. Although I had no appetite as usual, I picked up a spoon and took a few sips of warm consommé. Then, I picked up a fork and poked at the salad. Charlotte, who had been hesitating, finally spoke.

"My lady… the sleeping pills…"

"Ah…"

Charlotte knew that I couldn't sleep without the sleeping pills.

She was upset seeing me take the medicine every day, but she didn't complain because she had seen me suffer from insomnia and headaches.

However, she seemed worried since Theodore had burned all the sleeping pills yesterday. After thinking for a moment, I replied,

"It's okay. I'll try to quit now."

"…! Really?"

"Yes."

I thought about burning some incense for sleep. It wasn't as effective as the sleeping pills, but it wasn't toxic.

I was worried about suffering from insomnia and headaches tonight, but there was no way to get more medicine. Theodore had probably taken care of that.

By the way, I suddenly wondered if he had lost his memory again today.

"…Actually, I also hoped you would stop taking the medicine. It's toxic and bad for your health."

Charlotte cautiously revealed her thoughts. I nodded and picked up a piece of bread.

"You're right. So, I'll try burning incense for sleep tonight."

"Sleeping incense?"

"It's not toxic. It won't harm your health."

"That's great! Good thinking, my lady!"

Charlotte smiled with great relief. I smiled back at her and continued my meal.

20 minutes later, after finishing my meal, I was about to go to the library, taking off my slippers and choosing a pair of shoes when someone knocked on the door.

Charlotte and I exchanged puzzled looks and then Charlotte asked,

"Who is it? My lady is getting dressed."

"My name is Jane Soph. I am the new doctor. The Duke appointed me as your personal physician."

"…?"

I frowned, feeling bewildered. My personal physician?