Chapter 50

50

Charlotte poured warm tea and asked worriedly,

“Madam, are you alright...?”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me; I’m perfectly fine.”

At the time, I was a bit surprised, but now, I really am fine.

Mrs. Seymour was locked in a room by the servants. Throughout the entire time she was being dragged to the room, she laughed loudly or screamed like a madwoman.

Later, a doctor went to check on her condition but reportedly fled when she almost hit him with a porcelain vase.

People whispered and came to a single conclusion.

‘Mrs. Seymour has gone mad!’

...She might have really gone mad, but it’s also possible that she’s just pretending.

I think the latter is more likely. Because Mrs. Seymour is not the type to go mad so easily.

She dedicated a long time to becoming a lady of the Valentina family. A person with such determination would not easily give up what they have.

So, the question is, what is Mrs. Seymour’s purpose in pretending to be mad?

‘What did she talk about with Theodore?’

The moment Mrs. Seymour started acting strange was right after that. But now is not the time to ask Theodore.

‘I’ll have to ask him when he returns.’

I took a sip of the warm tea and sank deeper into the soft sofa.

As I closed my eyes, the purple and black knot that Mrs. Seymour had thrown at me suddenly came to mind.

“...”

It was probably just to hurt my feelings. ...Or maybe, she really did curse me.

Mrs. Seymour must be the one who most sincerely wishes for my death.

‘If it’s death...’

...Anyway, it’s getting closer and closer, moment by moment.

When I was staying at Everett Castle, I often wanted to die. But I didn’t have the courage to end my own life. ...Until then, I still wanted to live.

Now, I don’t particularly feel like ending my own life. There’s no need for it.

I was living with a habitual depression, not knowing how my life would unfold.

I wasn’t anxious. The final destination was too clear.

* * *

There was a brief commotion due to Mrs. Seymour, but the decoration of the wishing tree with knots was completed successfully.

Theodore returned two weeks later. It was already mid-September, and the temperature had dropped sharply on a fall day.

The sound of hooves and rustling leaves echoed through the garden one after another. Charlotte and I went outside to welcome Theodore and the knights who had returned from their mission. A grand banquet for the knights would be held today or tomorrow. I heard that none of the knights had suffered serious injuries or lost their lives. It was truly fortunate.

...However, the problem was Theodore. He seemed to have suffered a head injury again. It didn’t seem as severe as last time, but the fact that he kept getting hit in the head made me think that perhaps the strength of his helmet needed to be increased.

Still, he seemed almost fully recovered, as he was riding his horse properly.

Theodore’s figure, approaching from the front, came into view. The knights followed behind him.

The atmosphere among the knights was very good, thanks to their victory.

However, the moment they saw me, the expressions of the knight commander and a few other knights changed.

They looked somewhat troubled... and a bit worried.

‘...What is it?’

I tilted my head, full of questions.

Then, the moment my eyes met Theodore’s, who had finally arrived, I realized the reason as if struck by lightning.

Thud—

My heart plummeted heavily.

My mind went blank in an instant.

Thud, thud—

My heart pounded fiercely, and cold sweat trickled down my forehead.

My ears were filled with ringing. I couldn’t hear anything.

Theodore dismounted his horse slowly, staring at me with a piercingly cold gaze. His expression was as cold as ice.

A familiar sight.

“...Ah.”

I could only mutter this one word, dazed.

...Yes, that’s right, finally—

‘His memory has returned.’

And he has definitely forgotten the time when he lost his memory.

His icy eyes, looking at me, explained everything.

“...”

I know that look, that expression, that coldness all too well.

...Yes, it’s all gone, like a mirage. His tender affection.

Indeed, all those days were nothing but a daydream.

Showing a very sweet dream to someone on the brink of death...

Theodore stood diagonally in front of me, having walked over.

He stared at me intently, then scanned the surroundings and asked,

“Where is my aunt?”

“...”

Definitely, it was the Theodore from before he lost his memory. The one who never stood by me.

I felt confusion, and perhaps anger. Even though I had anticipated this, my heart ached terribly. It felt like my wounds were being torn open and salt was being poured on them.

Arbitrarily cruel, then arbitrarily tender.

Now, he has become cruel again.

I resent you so much, and I find my current state... truly ridiculous.

It was only when this moment finally arrived that I realized I had subconsciously hoped his tenderness would continue, forever.

‘...Stupid Lily Everett.’

The phrase "lack of learning ability" certainly applies to me. Despite being hurt countless times, I still...

had expectations.

‘I decided not to expect. I said I wouldn’t.’

I lied to myself. Or perhaps it was self-hypnosis. I told myself not to expect, not to hope, that getting hurt again—

was too frightening.

While my mind accepted it, my heart apparently did not.

‘...Yes, I overlooked it.’

The human heart is weak, and that weakness is sometimes beyond the control of reason.

Many philosophers say that the difference between humans and animals is reason. Animals act on instinct, but humans can control their instincts with reason.

That is wrong.

The power of the heart is undoubtedly stronger than reason.

“...Where is Mrs. Seymour...?”

I repeated his words. Then, a hollow laugh escaped me.

I was still in shock, but after the incident in the greenhouse, I was definitely in a state of losing control.

I was no longer a well-trained pet.

Theodore frowned and looked at me. When I met his blue eyes, I felt like I might cry. Still, I spoke, telling the truth without hesitation.

“That woman went mad and the servants locked her in a room.”

“...What?”

“Mrs. Seymour has gone mad. If you’re curious, why don’t you go see for yourself?”

Confusion clouded Theodore’s eyes. Soon, his face was filled with questions. He opened his mouth as if to ask something, but I didn’t wait and turned away.

Then, I quickly walked past the people.

It’s over, everything is over.

The sweet dream has ended, and now the cold reality is about to set in.

* * *

“Madam...”

Charlotte’s voice, calling me, was filled with sympathy.

Sitting on the sofa with my knees up, curled up, I slowly lifted my head. Charlotte looked very worried, not knowing what to do.

‘...What a disgraceful state.’

I had been like this since I returned to the room, causing Charlotte to worry.

I sighed softly and slowly straightened my posture. After taking a sip of tea, I asked Charlotte,

“...So, how is Mrs. Seymour doing?”

Charlotte carefully examined my expression and hesitated before answering.

“She’s still in a state of madness.”

“...Even after finding out that Theodore has regained his memory?”

“Yes, it seems... she has completely gone mad.”

“...”

It was unexpected. I thought she would stop pretending to be mad once she knew Theodore’s memory had returned.

Is she really mad, not just pretending?

‘...Mrs. Seymour, of all people, going mad.’

It felt very unrealistic. She was a contradictory person, but she was very thorough in her self-management.

‘What on earth did she talk about with Theodore... But now...’

I won’t be able to find out.

Theodore has forgotten everything that happened when he lost his memory.

“...”

I let out a hollow laugh and lowered my head. Really... how foolish Lily Everett was, unconsciously harboring hope.

Why did you do that? Why?

You knew this would happen, didn’t you?

‘My life is always like this.’

None of my wishes have ever come true.

Not even the ones I wished for with all my heart.

“Madam...”

Just as I curled up again, Charlotte called out to me, worried.

Knock!

A rough and perfunctory knock sounded.