Chapter 21: I’m the husband!

Peng Ci menacingly squatted on An Xingzhou’s shoulder and watched An Xingzhou start the sweet co-op round after the lucky viewer chosen by the moderator joined him. It prepared to immediately stuff its paws into An Xingzhou’s mouth if An Xingzhou were to tell others sweet nothings.

He couldn’t tell sweet nothings! Wife belonged to Ci Ci! Wife could only tell sweet nothings to Ci Ci!

But Peng Ci realized that it had overthought very soon.

The lucky viewer the moderator chose was probably a newbie, the type that couldn’t even walk straight. The newbie would bump into doors upon opening them, get stuck while jumping through windows, and fall down a step from shifting the perspective after climbing up two steps of stairs.

An Xingzhou had already finished searching several houses and shifted the perspective, realizing that the chosen fan was still circling in the first house where they landed. He went to take a look out of curiosity and saw that the fan was going round and round the living room, unable to find his way.

“Are your eyes on the back of your head?” An Xingzhou asked while standing at the side, “How come you walk backwards?”

The fan struggled, saying, “Wait a moment for me to get more familiarized!”

“Alright.” An Xingzhou put away his gun and clapped from the side. “Hurry and get more familiarized. After you get familiarized, you’ll become the first bot-like human to win the game.”

The fan: “…”

Peng Ci scratched its head with its hind leg and turned its head to glance a few times at An Xingzhou. “Squeak squeak?”

So this was “co-oping sweetly”?

By the time the fan had finally gotten familiar with walking, An Xingzhou had him kneel in the room and stay still. On the other hand, he himself went out to go around killing people and mark the loot. He said into the mic, “There’s nobody left. Come pick up the loot, walking backpack.”

The fan laughed bitterly while picking up the loot, asking, “Xing Xing, am I just a walking backpack to you?!”

Peng Ci stuck next to An Xingzhou’s ear, listening to the sound released from the headphones and got alert at once. It immediately huffed, its paws patting warningly on An Xingzhou’s shoulder.

“Squeak squeak!” Peng Ci yelled, ‘Wife! Why is he calling you Xing Xing! Why is he calling you so affectionately?!!’

An Xingzhou moved his shoulder and said after jolting Peng Ci, “Yeah. Better than a backpack because you can move back and forth. Pretty amazing.”

The fan: “…”

Peng Ci silently retracted its claws and shook its head at the camera. ‘Hmph, even if your shovel can move the Earth, it can’t move my corner! You all love Wife, but Wife only loves me!’

An Xingzhou was completely merciless once he started mocking. After mocking the opponent, he even mocked his fan. Listeners would feel sad and shed tears.

The fan cried as the comments laughed. Peng Ci felt so great that its fur was going to fly upwards.

It squatted on An Xingzhou’s shoulder, its ears standing upright and its chin raised high. It took on the demeanor of a victor, its tail raised towards the sky. ‘Wife never yells at me! Wife even coaxes me! Kissies me! Rubs me! And shreds wib meat for me!’

‘You guys don’t know how great Wife is! All you guys can get is Wife’s mocking! Hmph!’

Peng Ci finished muttering in its head and turned to lick An Xingzhou’s face. Immediately after, it looked towards the camera. ‘Get it? Only I can kiss Wife! I’m not some ‘son’! I’m the husband!’

‘I have to let everyone know that I’m the husband!’

An Xingzhou gamed until nighttime. He only ended the live stream at dinner time and went to the kitchen to stir-fry some fried egg rice. Then he poured Peng Ci’s rabbit feed out and placed it on the table.

Peng Ci didn’t have much of a fixed behavior, just like a kid. After eating a few bites on the table, it hopped back near An Xingzhou. “Wife, give me your phone.”

“What do you want a phone for? Selfies again?” An Xingzhou pushed his phone to Peng Ci. “Playing with a phone even while eating dinner…”

Peng Ci patted here and there on the phone screen with its paws in familiarity. After successfully unlocking it, it clicked an orange app on the mobile desktop, typed a few big words in the search box with several taps, sorted the prices in descending order familiarly, and added the first product into the shopping cart without an ounce of hesitation.

An Xingzhou had gone into the kitchen to pour some water and saw Peng Ci staring at the phone with great resentment and hatred when he returned. Its ears were even drooping, and he asked curiously, “What happened? Did you see something?”

Peng Ci’s ears twitched after hearing An Xingzhou speak. Its dejection vanished cleanly, and it turned toward An Xingzhou happily, asking coyly, “Wife! What’s the password?!”

“Don’t you know?” An Xingzhou recited a series of numbers, “I remember you unlocked the phone before.”

“That’s not wight…” Peng Ci’s paws, placed on the phone, pushed the phone towards An Xingzhou. Its entire rabbit body lay on the table along with the phone, one ear drooping and the other upright. It asked with its eyes shining, “Ci Ci doesn’t know the payment password. Wife, enter it!”

An Xingzhou got dizzy from the cuteness of Peng Ci’s action and subconsciously entered the password. He only narrowly struggled awake from Peng Ci’s bewitchment when he got to entering the last number. After fixing his eyes and taking a look, his heart almost stopped from the fear.

The 49,999 yuan 1 on the screen pierced An Xingzhou’s eyes painfully. He canceled the payment while trembling, noticing that the product from just now was, surprisingly, a computer.

The tenderness in An Xingzhou’s heart immediately disappeared in one fell swoop.

Peng Ci still didn’t know that the payment for its computer had been canceled by An Xingzhou and was still shaking its butt while staring at him. It hummed, “Sweet co-op round with Wife, sweet sweet!”

“Sugar-cured rabbit meat is pretty sweet too. I see you want to try it…” An Xingzhou pinched Peng Ci’s nape and asked, “You really had the guts to buy a computer? I wouldn’t get 49,999 even if I sold you! And you had the guts to buy it?”

“Sob sob!” Peng Ci tried to shrink its head, but it couldn’t shrink successfully, so it could only explain, “Because I wanted to be sweet with Wife! I couldn’t talk in front of the camera either! If we had a sweet co-op round together, I could talk!”

The more it talked, the more aggrieved it got. Its dark, round, and large eyes immediately became teary. With a cry, it complained in sobs, “They even said I’m your son! Sob sob sob! You’re clearly my wife! Ci Ci doesn’t want to commit incest!”

Peng Ci burped and said aggrievedly, “Wife won’t even buy me a computer. Are you not willing to publicize our relationship? Sob sob sob… They all call Wife ‘Xing Xing’, but Wife wants me to be a secret lover! Sob sob sob!”

An Xingzhou said coldly, “That’s your reason for wanting to buy a 49,999 yuan computer?”

Peng Ci’s crying stopped, and it probed carefully, “Then can I buy something cheaper?”

“…” An Xingzhou said without the slightest hesitation, “No.”

“Is money more important or am I more important?!” Peng Ci opened its mouth and cried, “Wife rubbed me, kissed me, slept with me, and even confirmed the size of my wee-wee. But now Wife is losing his temper over 49,999 yuan!”

“I’m not even worth 49,999 yuan in Wife’s mind!” Peng Ci whimpered, “Wife’s love for me is all fake! All fake! It’s just 49,999, and Wife wants me to be a secret lover…”

An Xingzhou’s head hurt from Peng Ci’s crying, and he just shrugged, saying, “Then give me 49,999 yuan. I’ll co-op with you and say you’re my husband.”

Peng Ci: “Sob sob sob burp!”

It immediately retracted its paws and rubbed its eyes. After wiping away all the tears on its fur, it said, “Okway! Not just 49,999 yuan. I’ll give all of my secret stash of money to Wife, and Wife will publicize our relationship! We’ve agreed on this!”

An Xingzhou: “?”

An Xingzhou asked, “You even have a secret stash of money?”

“Ci Ci has a lottt of money!” Peng Ci hopped to the phone and speedily logged into its QQ 2 account and found the chat box, sending a message. Then it shook its tail at An Xingzhou. “We’re going public!”

An Xingzhou: “?”

Was I… set up?

Author’s Note:

Peng Ci: a rabbit that we don’t know if it’s really dumb or fake dumb

Footnotes

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