Chapter 81

81

'Life is impermanent.'

Why is the world so uninteresting?

It's true, I've been saying this to myself, having achieved nothing in two whole years.

I've become five years old, to no purpose. Damn it!

My relationship with Sharent Clown remains as awkward as ever, and nothing much has happened since my birthday. Well, it's not surprising that nothing much has happened.

I've been avoiding meeting the humans of the Clown family. It's been awkward to face them since my birthday.

"Huh? Strange, I can't use magic."

I was startled and shuddered at the voice that came from the training ground as I was wandering around, just in case.

Is someone new here?

Is this the knight order's new recruit season?

A year ago, after my birthday, I changed all the magic in the mansion.

I set it so that a small curse would fall on anyone with ill intentions.

Also, no one could use magic within the mansion unless they were permitted.

That's why Dantalian hasn't shown his face in the past two years.

It's fortunate in a way, but it's not like I wasn't worried at all.

'I thought he would break in somehow.'

But it didn't seem like that either.

Anyway, over the past two years, I've given marks to all the insiders of the Clown family who can use magic.

But why do they keep bringing in new people! It never ends.

'Only a year left, this can't keep going on, right?'

I can't keep doing this until I leave home next year.

Anyway, what I had to do now was one thing.

"Shutokal!"

I approached the Simula knight commander, Shutokal, and clung to his leg.

"Miss Shrina."

"Who, who's this?"

"Ah, this is a new recruit. He's quite skilled, so we made an additional hire, which we usually don't do."

"Ah, you're new."

I glanced at him, and he didn't seem to have a headache.

His limbs seemed fine, and his expression wasn't bad. Well, if they hired him, they must have done a thorough background check.

It's a bit unsettling that his eyes don't seem to be smiling, even though his mouth is.

'People who aren't hypocritical don't exist without profit.'

Being too honest and straightforward increases the chance of not being useful when needed. That's why a group needs people with various personalities.

"I'm Shrina!"

I was about to say, "Call me Miss," but I suddenly gasped and closed my mouth.

I've been reading this kind of novel lately. Out of boredom, I've been lying down and reading third-rate novels.

"My name is Chaser. Nice to meet you, Miss."

"Ah... me?"

How do you know me? Is the nuance subtle, or is it just my imagination? As I stared at him, he gave a composed smile.

Suddenly, I saw his fangs glinting between his lips.

He looked very young.

Fifteen? Around that age? According to the empire's law, the minimum age to work is fifteen, so he must be at least that old.

'What is it?'

The feeling is really off.

He doesn't seem to have any ill intentions toward the Clown family, as he's not cursed.

Actually, that's enough to make it okay.

"Miss, you greet people in this way."

Shutokal defended me.

'Thanks...'

He even interpreted it for me. He was one of the few knights I was close to.

After distancing myself from the Clowns, I was lonely, and he was someone I could talk to.

Still, I felt a bit lonely after distancing myself from Kai Shan, Sharent Clown, and Deshar Clown.

It was a matter of affection.

"Ah..."

Chaser seemed to understand and placed his hand on my small palm.

Transferring the mark won't be visible to anyone.

I quickly transferred the mark and shook his hand roughly.

"Hi, Chaser."

"Yes... Miss."

Chaser said with a subtle smile.

Anyway, my job is done. Now I need to go back and finish reading that third-rate novel. This new recruit must be the only one.

'By the way, they said they would assign a new tutor, but there's been no news.'

It's been two years. Does Sharent Clown even know?

'Well, I did run away too obviously after my birthday.'

I couldn't help it. It was embarrassing and unfamiliar.

And I didn't want to get too attached.

I poked the pacifier hanging around my neck with my finger.

I turned the corner of the training ground and hid behind a tree, secretly putting the pacifier in my mouth.

It's a bit embarrassing to still be using a pacifier at this age, and after the maids talked about it, I've been using it secretly.

"Do people usually suck on pacifiers until now?"

"Is there something wrong with you?"

"I heard you're quite smart..."

"Should I ask the doctor next time?"

I was a bit shocked by the conversation.

When did they start worrying about me? The bullying has decreased compared to before, but it's not exactly enjoyable.

Of course, it's true that it's time to wean off, but...

Why does sucking on this pacifier make me feel so good? Is this what they call pacifier addiction? A healthy addiction, the only sedative allowed by the state for babies. This is it.

Pacifier.

Actually, I've been researching this pacifier, but no matter how hard I try, I can't make it emit a faint light again.

It seems to be an artifact, but I can't figure out what kind, which is frustrating.

Everything is just so stagnant.

Time just flows endlessly, and my frustration has reached its peak. Thanks to the strict security, I don't get much news from the outside world.

'No problems, so no one to kill.'

Without killing, it's impossible to gather dark magic.

The only consolation is that I can use magic to some extent now.

Thanks to my pronunciation improving, I can now put some power into verbal commands, albeit slowly.

'At this level, I don't think I'd die if I went out.'

With my pronunciation improving, being able to use verbal commands, and my body getting more accustomed, my magic control has improved, and my killing power has returned to some degree.

At this level, killing a few people wouldn't be dangerous. I wouldn't be caught easily again.

I could survive without going to an orphanage.

To be honest, I'm starting to feel bored with this life.

The more my strength returns, the more everything seems boring. I can't shake the feeling of being back to when I was Hella.

'I heard the mother of this body had magical abilities.'

That's why my body is more compatible with magic than expected.

My rapid growth is partly due to this characteristic.

I was originally the only 9th Circle Grand Mage in Silopia.

Mages are generally divided into apprentices, low-level, mid-level, high-level, and grand mages.

In Silopia, mages classified as grand mages are me, Melaine, and another mage who has retired.

Anyway, I can now use magic up to the 4th Circle to some extent.

I can freely teleport, use decent attack spells, and perform simple healing spells.

By Silopian standards, I'm at the mid-level mage level. Considering my progress in two years, it's quite an achievement.

"Phew."

Pop.

I spat out the pacifier.

I don't suck it greedily like before, but the pacifier is still my mental sanctuary.

I suddenly laughed at the thought of relying on an object like this instead of people.

'No matter where I go, I can't fit in.'

If the world is water, I'm oil.

It's a pitiful situation to be hiding and sucking on a pacifier out of embarrassment.

It was almost time for lunch, so I turned to go back to my room and froze.

I met Sharent Clown's eyes, who had been watching me for some time.