Chapter 82

82

I flinched, my shoulders trembling so much that I unconsciously took a step back.

I don't know how long it's been since we properly made eye contact.

"…Hello, Shubu."

"…."

And then…

"Take care…"

Farewell, Sharent.

As soon as I greeted him, I said goodbye and subtly turned my body.

I was a bit worried that Sharent Clown didn't say anything, but I didn't want to get more involved.

Sharent Clown hadn't said anything since I started openly avoiding him.

While Deshar Clown visited a few times and still consistently visited me, Sharent Clown didn't.

Of course, even when Deshar Clown came, I kept my distance, so he didn't stay long.

The more I avoided and hid from Sharent Clown, the less he tried to interfere.

It seemed he sent necessary guards, items, and regularly dispatched designers to make clothes, but in the past two years, he hadn't made any effort to seek me out for conversation.

At first, he came a few times unexpectedly, but after he realized I was avoiding him, he completely stopped coming.

Sharent Clown wasn't the type to bend easily.

He didn't meddle in others' affairs.

I thought our distance was that much. That was why I felt the most comfortable with him.

If I talked to him and truly wanted to leave this house, I thought Sharent Clown would stop me.

It was more of a vague belief.

"Would you like to have some tea and snacks with me if you have time?"

I thought if it were a coincidence today, Sharent Clown would just pass by me without any fuss.

So I didn't expect him to stop me and request a conversation. If he had wanted to talk, he should have suggested it earlier.

"Um… I'm busy…"

"I won't take up too much of your time."

Actually, what reason did I have to refuse Sharent Clown's command?

I nodded slightly.

Sharent Clown led the way, indicating I should follow.

His considerate pace, much slower than his usual steps, made me feel an indescribable emotion again.

"Kaishan was pouting because he couldn't see you."

"He was pouting yesterday too…"

I replied hesitantly, still not used to the formal language.

Actually, I had no way to get rid of Kaishan, who kept coming without getting tired.

I couldn't bring myself to say I disliked him outright. It wasn't because of the snacks he always brought.

Sharent Clown took me to his garden.

The tea table was already set. Seeing it made me feel strange again.

‘Did he prepare this just in case I refused?’

Sharent Clown sat opposite me.

With the help of a nearby maid, I sat down in a chair. In front of me were beautifully arranged, luxurious snacks.

Pudding, strawberry jelly, sweet and refreshing orange juice, rare star candies, chocolate fondue, and crispy rabbit-shaped chocolate cookies filled the table with things I liked.

Everything was what I liked.

To be precise, things I gradually started to like after becoming friends with others after my birthday.

I was scared and amazed that he knew my tastes so well, even though we hadn't had a proper conversation in two years.

‘He doesn't really like such sweet things, does he?’

"Go ahead and eat."

His voice was gentle but still had a chill. It didn't seem to have changed much from the past.

His silence was more frightening.

‘If you're going to scold me, do it quickly.’

"Do you remember the tutor from the past?"

I slowly nodded at Sharent Clown's question. It was a coincidence that I was just thinking about that.

"He said you were too young, around five, to start your education."

‘You didn't forget, huh?’

I nodded slowly.

Actually, I wondered if it would help at this point, but it was better than nothing.

"And since the time we agreed on in the letter has come, I wrote to him, saying I wanted to meet you. If you still have the interest, I plan to send a positive response."

The point was how I felt about it.

Of course, I was in favor. I was just reading books aimlessly anyway.

"I… agree."

I hesitated, then fidgeted with my lips.

He listened to my answer quietly, then remained silent for a long time.

His expressionless face was unfamiliar. Maybe it was because it had been so long.

He silently finished his tea, then slowly stood up.

"I understand your opinion. Finish eating and go."

Is that all? Did he just sit me down to ask about a tutor? After preparing everything so nicely? Didn't he have anything else to say?

I was taken aback and raised my head.

Now that he was annoyed, he was telling me to leave, or if he found me annoying, he would openly avoid me…

No…, that wouldn't happen…

‘What…’

Why isn't he saying anything?

If he doesn't like it, he should say so. It's not like him to be so…

I stared blankly as he put on his coat, handed to him by the butler.

"Is that all? Don't you have anything else to say?"

I asked cautiously, and he finally turned to me again.

Why does he look better as he gets older? He has a subtle, mature charm now.

"Is that all? Do you have anything else to say?"

"I… will leave next year."

To be precise, in the spring, so about nine months from now. Do you know that?

No matter how much I wanted to forget, the feeling of my body disappearing suddenly kept coming back.

That situation that haunted me even in my dreams often kept me from sleeping.

Living in a world of peace, kindness, and gentleness was enjoyable, but I couldn't ignore the injustice I had suffered.

I couldn't be happy when everything I had built was taken away from me.

"Is that okay…?"

"Didn't we already finish that conversation, Sheryna?"

He frowned as if he had heard something very unpleasant.

He looked at me with a deep frown.

"As long as you are a Clown, you can't leave this mansion on your own. Didn't I make that clear?"

"…I will leave."

‘Even if you tell me not to, I will leave.’

I have to leave. I have no choice.

I pouted in frustration.

Sharent Clown snorted. It was as if he was daring me to try.

"Shubu, you don't know anything…!"

This guy just talks! I really hate Sharent Clown.

If I could, I would want to stay here. I want to live a normal life like an innocent child.

Living here made me think more about that.

If I had known nothing, if I had no memories, wouldn't I have enjoyed this free time more, where nothing happens and the seasons change?

I clenched my fists.

As I spent this peaceful time, I felt stupid for finding it boring.

I awkwardly stood up and sat back down.

"You wouldn't know if I didn't tell you. Don't say such obvious things."

I stuffed a large spoonful of pudding into my mouth in frustration.

Maybe because I was annoyed, I kept craving sweets.

"If you have worries, you should share them. If you need help, you should ask for it. I clearly taught you that."

Sharent Clown said.

"I can't do anything if you don't listen."

His voice was so cold.

He was ruthless, like a blade on his tongue. He kept hitting my sore spots.

Sharent Clown stood there for a few minutes, then slowly turned around.

When his footsteps had moved quite far away, I put down the pudding spoon I was holding.

The delicious snacks didn't appeal to me at all.

"Shut up."

You abandoned and killed the child you are now showing consideration to.

I am pretending to be your dead nephew, occupying his body…

My face contorted involuntarily.

How could you say that?

I am already overwhelmed by the consideration you've shown me, and I can't bear to hurt you any further.

"Miss?"

The maid beside me called me with a worried look.

I slowly shook my head.

Do you think I avoided getting attached because I was afraid of getting more attached?

I forced myself to finish the strawberry jelly and pudding and stretched out my arms to the maid.

"I'm going down. I want to go to my room."

I'm going to Vera's, to my room.