Chapter 19

It’s been an hour since we arrived after I followed hyung to an old-fashioned bar.

I was sitting next to him at an expensive bar I’d only seen in movies, and was already drinking a third cocktail, instead of a shot.

“I really…I know I shouldn’t be like this.”

Pouring the half-remaining clear cocktail into my mouth, and with one hand, I roughly swept up my messy bangs.

“At that time, his words kept lingering in my mind… It keeps bothering me that Kang Ji Seok is so nice to me and concerned about me… After all, he does the same thing to other people, and there’s someone he likes… Why was I excited about every single thing like that…? And…”

A round white chunk of cheese speared on a fork was waiting in front of my mouth, and I ate it without hesitation. Usually, I would have been embarrassed and said I would eat it myself, but maybe because I was full of alcohol, it was more convenient to not have to pick up and eat the snacks myself.

Hyung, who fed me snacks, also took some with the same fork, speared it and bit it in his mouth, then responded.

“It happens. Everyone wants to put meaning to anything that someone they like does to them.”

“Meaning…yes, meaning…that’s right…”

I held my dizzy head with my hands, barely supporting it, and stared at the empty cocktail glass. Kang Ji Seok’s face was vaguely painted on the surface of the glass.

“I, Kang Ji Seok… I thought it would be okay for him to go out with another girl and get married. I had to be okay, to be by his side…”

I knew that I wouldn’t be able to [stay in] contact with Kang Ji Seok anyway, so I wanted to remain as friends for a long time. I decided not to have pathetic feelings and pretended to be a close friend, and I was confident that I would do well, as I had always done.

However, as soon as I realized that there was a girl that Kang Ji Seok liked, I was like this. How could I continue to just be next to him, when I already couldn’t control my emotions to this extent? But, I was so seriously pathetic that I couldn’t even think about it at all, such as giving up my feelings for Kang Ji Seok, and saying that I had moved on.

I turned my eyes and looked at hyung. Rather than a face resembling Kang Ji Seok, his unique relaxed atmosphere and mature vibe caught my attention.

“Will it be better when I get older like you?”

Will this complex feeling be a little simpler if I become relaxed and mature like hyung? It’s already like this from just hearing that Kang Ji Seok likes someone, but if I go out with someone later, will I be able to pretend to be calm?

Hyung was silent and I smiled at him.

“One-sided love… It’s really hard.”

The corner of hyung’s lips, which had been raised, fell slightly. Maybe that’s why, instead of his usual smile, it became a bittersweet line that somehow resembled mine.

By the time I drank about half of a new cocktail, in one gulp, my vision shook as if to remind me that I had exceeded my drinking capacity for a while. Hyung wrapped his arms around my shoulders and supported me as I stumbled along with him.

“We should go back. You drank too much.”

“No, but…”

I felt sorry for him because I was the only one who was complaining while drinking. No matter how much he knew of what I thought of Kang Ji Seok, the annoying chatter wouldn’t be so pleasant to hear.

Hyung also murmured that he would tell me if there was anything he wanted to say, and I heard a low chuckle over the shoulder I was leaning on.

I could see someone approaching us and saying something, then hyung handed over his credit card to the person. It was a completely different feeling from me, who left the bar by giving some cash to a friend. The difference seemed to prove that I was still an immature child.

I moved my legs that felt unusually heavy and followed hyung outside. It seemed like the biting breeze from earlier, now that time had passed, was soft and cool and it felt good.

Somehow I don’t know, I got into the passenger seat. At first, it seemed that hyung almost hugged me and sat me down, but my memory began to fade.

I heard the driver’s door closing, so I tried to close my eyes, thinking that I would leave soon. Suddenly, I heard a cell phone ring. In the middle of drinking with hyung, I kept getting calls and I ignored them, but they kept calling even at this time when it was clearly almost dawn.

While taking it out and checking it with annoyed eyes, my vision instantly cleared.

[Where are you, Woo Seo-ya ㅠㅠ]1

The message was sent by Kang Ji Seok. When I checked the contact history, I found that all eleven missed calls were from Kang Ji Seok. In addition, there were countless messages.

[I’m home and alone, I’m scared ㅠㅠ]

Look, there are no typos.

Whether he was sleeping, on cold medicine, or drunk, Kang Ji Seok’s typos tell you everything about his condition. Earlier, I thought he drank a lot of alcohol by taking mine away, but seeing that there was no typo, it was clear that he was sober.

Thinking like that, I didn’t want to go home. If I met Kang Ji Seok in a dazed and emotional state like now, I couldn’t guess what I would say while drunk.

I stared at my cell phone without even sending a reply, then someone else’s large hand covered the screen.

“Woo Seo-ya, should…”2

Covering Ji Seok’s message, I saw Ji Geon-hyung smiling seductively. At that moment, Kang Ji Seok’s face overlapped with his brother’s face, and my heart seemed to be pounding loudly. I thought I’d be enchanted if I kept looking at him, but then I thought I’d look again because I’d regret turning my head away.

“…we not go home?”2

Hyung’s suggestion was as tempting as his smile. However, it didn’t mean that I suddenly wanted to do that.

“You said you have to go to work tomorrow.”

“En, so I think I’ll have to sleep, but I don’t think you want to go [home].

Whenever hyung does this, I sometimes get goosebumps. How does he know all of my thoughts?

“I’ll set you up at a nearby hotel. I’ll extend the check-out time, so take a good rest then come out.”

Hyung, whose body temperature was relatively low, stroked my warm cheek. The pleasant sensation tickled my stomach. At the same time, Kang Ji Seok kept overlapping with his caring older brother.

“Kang Ji Seok and you too…why are you all so caring?”

My sluggish tongue rolled around, pulling out the words in my head. Without realizing it, I was rubbing my cheeks with his cool hand.

“This is the first time I heard I was caring.”

“You said you had a lover… Your lover didn’t tell you every day?”

Whether it was words, actions, or the looks in his eyes, it was all Kang Ji Seok. Without that kindness, Kang Ji Seok was just like a dead body…

“En, I’ve never heard it. Rather than being caring, they would rampage because I was cold.”

“That’s a lie…”

“Seriously. Maybe the reason why you feel that I’m so carrying is because I’m too good at acting.”

Hyung’s eyes and mouth drew a darker arc. It looked so similar to Kang Ji Seok that I was confused with who I was talking to for a moment.

My sluggish mind turned slowly and belatedly understood what he meant.

“If you want, I can imitate Ji Seok as much as you want.”

Ah…that’s what it was.

A weak laugh escaped from my mouth. He was just working hard on what he was supposed to do.

With a face like Kang Ji Seok, caring like Kang Ji Seok, just as I wanted from Kang Ji Seok.

After realizing it, I felt more at ease. I didn’t have to think that it was my foolish delusions to think of Kang Ji Seok from the kindness I felt from his older brother.

Some parts of my mind were twisted and selfish thoughts flowed out. Although the person who made eye contact with me was not Kang Ji Seok, I thought he would listen to what I wanted from Kang Ji Seok. No matter how despicable it was.

Because I’m an essential person for him.

The red ring located on the ring finger on his left hand was like a red shackle I was holding.

My mind dulled by alcohol became as simple as a child’s. Hyung’s promise to imitate Kand Ji Seok was like a blind saying that he could do anything.

“Of course, hyung…”

I knew I shouldn’t do it, but my voice didn’t stop.

“According to what I want just a bit more… Can’t you pretend to be Kang Ji Seok…? Instead of Kang Ji Seok, you…”

After finishing those words, I was confused as to why I was doing this now. Damn alcohol, I should’ve stopped drinking.

I quickly tried to correct what I said by moving my sluggish tongue. No matter how much I did, it was too much to explicitly ask of him what I wanted from Kang Ji Seok.

“I’m sorry.3 This is…”

“What should I do?”

I thought he would look at me strangely, but surprisingly, he asked again without a single change in his voice.

“What should I do, want me to kiss you?”

Hyung’s blunt words added heat to my red face.