Chapter 20

Kissing was an unexpected word. At best, I thought I was rather cute for thinking about hugging.

I pressed my fingertips against my throbbing temples.

“Hyung…doesn’t mind…?”

“Isn’t it okay?”

When I asked the question, he asked me back. His hands pressed on my temples instead of my own weak hands.

“I don’t care if I can sleep well.”

Can he really do it?

Considering that the lover he broke up with was a man, he may not be the type of person who cares about gender like Kang Ji Seok, but is he not uncomfortable with his younger brother’s friend? Above all, kissing someone who had set eyes on his younger brother was unimaginable for me.

Hyung looked at me silently in thought, took his hand back, and grabbed the steering wheel.

“Take it easy. You can do whatever you want against Ji Seok, so you can ask for anything.”

His words were not very so easy to understand. However, the emotions that had begun to fluctuate arbitrarily due to the alcohol sometimes made me impulsive.

“I want to do it.”

As if I had made a big decision, my eyes tightened and my hands that were resting on my knees clenched into fists.

“Kiss… I want to try it.”

In fact, I thought he would be surprised or troubled if I said it clearly. I thought he might turn his head away, saying, “I just said it as a joke to a drunk person, what are you so determined about?”

However, hyung grabbed my face, angled it with his hand, and turned it to himself. He was already close to my lips.

“Have you ever kissed?”

His low voice, which had become as small as a whisper, came from so close. With the thought that our breaths were touching, I could feel another hand gently pulling the back of my head.

“I have…”

The corner of his eyes twitched a little as if he was dissatisfied. I didn’t know why, but it felt as though several sharp needles stuck out between his gentle atmosphere.

“When? Who with?”

A scarier lower voice asked as if threatening.

“When I was in high school… With a boy who confessed… to me.”

It was right after I realized that I liked Kang Ji Seok. I was confused inside, but another boy confessed by saying, “I’ve been watching you for a long time,” and “I stayed up all night because I liked you so much,” and “You are the only one shining in the crowd like a star.” He confessed by pouring out all kinds of childish words that might appear in old dramas or novels.

Rather than being embarrassed by the fact that I was confessed to by a man, I only thought about trying it because maybe I liked men, not Kang Ji Seok, but I didn’t realize it. It was a ridiculous method, but I was so confused at that time.

So I asked him if he could kiss me if he liked me so much, and he rushed in as if he had been waiting. It was me who brought it up, but it was so sudden that even if I felt the pain of my lips being crushed and our teeth colliding, there was nothing I could do but stiffen up. Then as soon as I realized what was coming through in between my lips, I felt an indescribable discomfort and almost half killed the boy.

That was the one and only kiss in my life. It was the first and the worst kiss and made me realize that I only liked Kang Ji Seok, not men.

So, actually, I was still hesitating. I didn’t know if it was possible to kiss a hyung who was just pretending to be Kang Ji Seok.

I was worried about it, but I felt a pressure on my jawline that was caught by hyung.

“That’s a bit disappointing. En…a shame.”1

His voice became infinitely lower and colder. As soon as I sensed an eerie feeling, hyung’s lips touched mine. At that moment, I remembered the unpleasant experience with that boy, so I instinctively tried to pull my head back. However, hyung’s hand that was supporting the back of my head was so firm that I couldn’t move.

“How did it feel? Have you tried it with other guys?”

Even though the voice was friendly, the underlying mood was so terrifying that it was chilling. Although the eyes I met were curved and friendly, I felt that the black pupils in them were so cold that they were contradictory to me.

“No, to be honest, I don’t particularly…feel…”

“That’s a relief.”

Even before I could understand what he meant, our lips, which seemed to be barely touching, were completely pressed against each other.

“Eup…!”

Even if I was expecting a kiss, I couldn’t help but be surprised. The touch of soft lips brought the unpleasant sensation of that first kiss for a brief moment but soon gave way to a tenderness so distinct that it was enough to forget it completely. In addition to entwining lips, the sensation of his warm tongue full of the scent of alcohol roused a tingling thrill.

Hyung licked along the line [of my] lips as if drawing with the tip of his tongue, entwined our lips again, and tried to pry through them. My tensed teeth had blocked the gap tightly so he only licked my teeth and bit my lower lip without hurting it.

“Open your mouth, Woo Seo-ya.”

Hyung’s low voice that occasionally tickled, made me feel like something was tugging at me somewhere. Especially today, it seemed to be severe, so I couldn’t open my mouth and my eyes trembled in refusal. Then his eyes moved a bit, simply producing an identical look to Kang Ji Seok’s smile.

“It’ll feel good, so open your mouth.”

I don’t know if I was still in a good mood. It just tickled and felt a little tingly, but it [also] felt soft and strange. Does opening your mouth make it feel better?

Contrary to my question, my lips naturally opened. Even though I knew that the eyes I was facing were not Kang Ji Seok’s, I has the illusion that I was face-to-face with his lips without realizing it. If it was a kiss with Kang Ji Seok, it would feel completely different from back then.

As my lips parted, it felt like his tongue that was digging inside praised me for doing well. The tip of his teeth burrowed into my dull tongue, raked and wrapped around it, pressed and pulled like a massage. Every time, I felt a tingling sensation from my tongue to my throat, and an unwanted moan flowed out.

The flesh that penetrated into my mouth wrapped around my tongue and climbed up the inner flesh of the side. His tongue ran up my teeth, scratched the roof of my mouth two or three times from the inside out, then tapped on it like a knock. Each time, the echoes in my mouth were delivered to my head and I felt as if my still hazy head was wobbling around.

The tip of his tongue licked the roof of my mouth, passed by carefully pressing as if it was drawing a line on the inside of my teeth, and repeatedly raked my tongue, stimulating it like a tickle. Without knowing what to do, I was just moving my sluggish tongue around and around, but before I realized it, I was caught and bound by hyung as he held the back of my head and waist to the point that I couldn’t move my body at all.

“Eup, hah…hyung, wait…!”

“It’s not hyung. Its Ji Seok.”

His subdued voice corrected the name I called. My lower lip stained with saliva was licked gently.

“You are kissing Kang Ji Seok.”

His words brought me strange confusion.

I could see because we were close. That this person in front of me was Ji Geon-hyung.

At the same time, he was so close that I couldn’t help but be confused. The soft look in his eyes and the big hands that grabbed me felt like Kang Ji Seok.

Maybe it was the power of alcohol. If I was sober, I could never mistake the person I was kissing, and no matter how similar a person was, I would never experience kissing with Kang Ji Seok while using him as a substitute.

Right, alcohol is my enemy.

That’s why I keep thinking the person kissing me is like Kang Ji Seok.

If it was Kang Ji Seok… How wonderful.

My tense body loosened drowsily, and my tongue that had been dull began to move little by little. I rubbed my tongue against one side of the flesh and adhered to his lips to the point of hurting to get a little more pleasant stimulation.

There was no memory of the unpleasant kiss I had in the past. The pleasant sensation of this new kiss filled my whole body through my lips, and my head felt foggy. All I could hear was the muffled sound of saliva mixing, a shallow moan from me, and two sets of breaths filled with heat.

While sharing a deep kiss accompanied by an intoxication that was more than alcohol, I couldn’t take my eyes off hyung’s eyes that were like Kang Ji Seok.

The kiss we shared while thinking of Kang Ji Seok was very sweet and tender, and at the same time, it brought a tingling tension like that of a child who committed a bad deed. The whole time my brain became soft as if it wasn’t mine, and was full of thoughts about whether I should do this.

By the end of the long kiss, I felt so dizzy due to shortness of breath that I fell onto hyung in front of me. At first glance, hyung, who was still holding my body tightly until then, seemed to have said something but I fell asleep before I could understand it.

What I could remember then was the low chill that he was exuding.