Chapter 9

Standing before that wall, I was far from being on equal footing with it.

Since the righteousness of society doesn't apply here, I discarded it all and shouted out my selfish happiness as if I had given up.

The situation worsened, and I even felt like I had become the villain.

But now, I even felt a sense of freshness in it.

No theories, no logic, no grand causes, no justice. Without clinging to such troublesome things, no matter what you say, I just don't like your nagging. It's that simple.

Thinking only of myself and being so selfish, it felt like I had become invincible.

I faced and glared at that overly serious face.

With a sigh, Tachimachi said,

"Well, I'd say it's a pass."

A pass.

What kind of ridicule and contempt for the other person was contained in those words?

Unable to grasp the meaning behind the pass, he continued,

"If you're aware of all this and still say you'll carry on with your life staked on it, then you should live as you please from now on."

He said it as if it were someone else's business.

Tachimachi handed his empty glass to Myojin-san. The glass was refilled and returned to his hand. As I silently watched this series of actions, I thought about the man's true intentions and came to a conclusion.

"Were you... testing me?"

"To see which way you'd fall."

Tachimachi took a sip from his glass and looked down at it.

"Damn sister. Even though I don't want to cross that line you won't budge on..."

"But you said it's okay to fall with Kaede..."

Even though you don't want to cross it, why can you so easily assume it as a premise?

"I told you, I know myself best. When faced with a difficult situation, I'll cling to this path with all my might... but if I see Rena crying in pain and suffering, I'll let go easily. The happiness at the end of this path isn't worth the pain."

Tachimachi smiled faintly.

"If the result is the same, falling into pain and suffering, it's better to avoid it from the start and give her a happy and enjoyable life. I thought about it realistically."

There was a self-deprecating tone in his seemingly amused expression.

"You said it's not about 'can or can't,' but that's a privilege of ignorant children. Adults choose the solid path by thinking about 'can or can't.' I'm not a kid like you who can idealize the future and see the harsh reality."

He snorted as if mocking me, but it wasn't meant to be cruel.

I wanted to talk about dreams. But it seemed I had given up and could only think of realistic happiness.

"So, if it ends in failure, it would be boring. If you can carry Kaede, endure the pain and suffering, and overcome it, there will be happiness waiting. If you can see that future and carry her, there's nothing better."

It was a gaze that envied lost innocence.

"But reality is harsh. It's easy to carry, but the question is whether you have the resolve to overcome it. If you, like me, are broken by reality and cling to the sweetness offered, there's no point in you carrying her. It would be better for me to carry her and fulfill the happiness she desires."

It was a truly sweet temptation.

I doubted whether I, who had become this way, deserved such a gift. It seemed too good to be true, like a snake's tempting whisper, making me want to taste that sweet dream.

If I were the kind of person to choose such an easy path, I wouldn't be able to overcome the real walls of life. I would just be a talker who claims to carry Kaede.

"But if you have the minimum resolve to resist such sweet words and bite down, I thought it would be okay to let you carry her."

In that sense, this man might have fulfilled the role of a life's wall, a test.

"And the most important thing is this."

Suddenly, his gaze changed. It became a silly, grinning expression, like he was looking at a ridiculous spectacle.

"You were shouting like an awakened protagonist, 'No matter what, I will overcome! This feeling is non-negotiable!' But in the end, it was just a bratty move, saying, 'I absolutely don't want my beloved sister to die! I don't want to leave her to someone I don't like! No matter how much she resists, I'll carry her and be happy!' A hundred times better to have a privileged hero shouting, 'Revenge brings nothing.'"

"Ugh...!"

My cheeks flushed as my actions were put into proper words.

Indeed, looking back, I had only waved around my selfish feelings and listed my own conveniences. I had felt invincible, but facing reality again made me feel so embarrassed that I wanted to squirm.

When presenting something terrible, it's important to shape it properly. I learned that even idealistic things have their own meaning.

"Still, it's better that you can be aware of what you're doing. There are too many bad people who can't."

Tachimachi, after amusing himself with me, mocked and ridiculed those who lack awareness.

"Thinking about someone and being in love are different. As long as both sides respect each other's boundaries and are in agreement, you can both smile. But once it becomes one-sided, you can't accept that your 'feelings' aren't reciprocated. And you believe that your feelings aren't selfish, but are right and just."

Just imagining it made Tachimachi squint.

"You try to justify and brainwash yourself into believing it's real, and eventually you go crazy, saying, 'I'm thinking of you so much, why can't you understand?' The essence of this is just using someone's life to make yourself happy, like what you just spewed out.

"Thinking about someone sounds nice, but if it's one-sided and self-centered, it's just a curse. That's how tragedies are born."

One-sided, self-centered feelings are just a curse. The tragedies that arise from them.

A parent's wishes for their child. An ideal future. The expectations placed on a child, when they don't come true, turn into pressure. And when discord arises in the relationship, whether initiated by the parent or the child, it ends tragically.

Similar tragedies are not uncommon in this world. Tragedies born from love, friendship, and romantic relationships abound.

And Kaede... because my feelings were one-sided, a tragedy almost happened.

"Damn sister. You're now aware of your actions to the point where you can't deceive yourself. If you're an aware, well-behaved member of society, you won't curse so much that you can't... cross that line."

This man made me aware of what I had done.

Kaede's happiness, not as I see it, but as I think it should be. Watching Kaede fulfill that, I just wanted to be happy myself. Realizing the content of my feelings, I couldn't ignore Kaede's will and impose them. It was too selfish, and the ugliness of the content made me self-loath.

So we need to talk to ensure our feelings aren't one-sided. We need to find each other's boundaries, respect them, and agree to think about each other. That's what being in love means.

"...Right. I should have been aware of it myself."

That's why it was so pitiful that I couldn't be aware of my selfish feelings on my own,

"Idiot. I didn't expect such a thing from a kid."

But it was as if he was saying it was inevitable, he scolded me.

"The problems kids face can't be solved by self-effort alone. It's a fundamental mistake. Adults need to recognize when it's too much and step in. At least, that's how the social norms of this country work."

Tachimachi, as if lecturing an ignorant child, shook his shoulders and sighed.

"It's not your fault that you were a bad kid. It's the fault of the adults who failed to guide you and create an environment for you to learn.

"Your mother should have taught you as you grew up. But because your father was a bastard, you lost the opportunity to learn from your parents. And because the surrounding adults couldn't guide you and the social system was flawed, you and Rena ended up this way. So all the unhappiness that resulted is the fault of your parents and society."

This bad adult explained the social norms of the country, not to comfort my unhappiness.

The social norms of this country. Adults guiding children in the right way. Creating a society where children can fulfill the right path. If that happens, this society will be wonderful.

I knew it was just idealistic, but this man spoke idealistically.

This bad man. He wasn't venerating or valuing it. By saying that society preaches ideals, he was pushing the responsibility back onto the adults, saying that all the unhappiness of children who can't fulfill or enjoy those ideals is your fault.

It was as if he was cursing the adults for pushing onto children what they can't fulfill.

"I don't care if you complain about your unhappiness in the future. But you need to be aware and carry her. For a future where Rena can smile and be happy, with form and substance... I just fulfilled the role of a wonderful adult guiding a child."

This bad adult proudly puffed out his chest.

After brutally insulting and confronting me with reality, and laughing at my tears, he seemed to have been a wonderful adult guiding a child.

It was so refreshing that I almost laughed.

"Thanks, Kurumi. For enduring until the end."

He directed a gentle gaze at Madoka, not at me. Drawn by the word "promise," I looked at Madoka.

There was a face that looked like it was about to cry, red and flushed.

"I promised to stay silent, but honestly, I was on edge, wondering when a slap would come."

"Yes, I raised my hand many times... but I held back."

Perhaps because I had been pushed to my limits and ended up crying. Madoka's eyes were slightly moist.

"Whatever happens, I promised to help reconcile Katsuragi and Kaede. I promised that much."

Madoka had a bright smile on her face.

It seems that after I left the shop to find Kaede, they made such a promise.

Madoka, who said she would be on my side until the end. The hand she raised yesterday, she didn't raise once today, nor did she interrupt.

Some might say that's not being a true ally.

But that's not true. Madoka, in her own way, had thought about and cared for me. She silently led me to a place where I could reconcile with Kaede. Even if it meant enduring pain and suffering. Because she believed there was happiness waiting for me at the end.

It wasn't easy, but it was kindness she believed was for my own good.

"Such things can't be understood just by being told. If you've come to this realization after such pain, you won't make the same mistake again. Even if I'm not around, Rena will smile and be happy. It's all part of my plan."

Tachimachi, looking satisfied, sipped his golden drink.

In the end, I had been manipulated by this man. But through him, I was able to achieve the happiness I had envisioned for Kaede. No, more than that, a future where I could carry Kaede in the right way was laid out.

"...But you didn't include yourself in that picture."

But in the picture he had drawn, he hadn't included himself.

No matter how unforgivable the form, Tachimachi cared for Kaede. He truly wished for her happy future.

If he had pushed me to my limits, he should have been able to envision a future by her side. Why did he so easily entrust it to me and not include himself?

"Rena is a prodigy. As long as you're there, a happy future awaits just by living."

Kaede's happy future.

"Such a person will work hard. She's bound to achieve a brilliant success that everyone envies."

Thinking of Kaede fulfilling that, his face naturally lit up.

"Thinking about her future, thinking, thinking, thinking, and thinking..."

He seemed to enjoy, be happy, and love that future,

"I just thought it wouldn't be fun to see a beautiful form marred."

He didn't want to add himself to that future, preferring to see only the beautiful parts.