Chapter 4

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No Plagiarism!FimpB1t2cycmT97xbPOQposted on PＥNAＮＡ Dawn had come. Time to go to work. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsT3eN7TQm 維尼

Squeezing into the jam-packed train compartment, my heart found an odd sense of calmness that hardly ever came by. Looking at people on their electronic devices made me feel an odd sense of comfort. After all, it was hard to break away from the looks of familiar faces. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3p4SoNErXW 維尼

The train went on steadily with faint wobbles as usual, enchanting its tired passengers to plunge deeper into slumber. At the same time, peckish fellows blatantly ignored the announcement on the train, gnawing and wolfing down their food while attracting unfriendly sideways glances. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEAzQorhhz 維尼

As small as grains of sand, food crumbs quietly dropped themselves onto the floor when nobody was aware and were instantly stepped on and crushed into even smaller pieces. Alas, they met their demise—the cycle of being recklessly stomped on at the next few stations, before ultimately returning to dust. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YsqtDhTxL 維尼

That was my stop. I half-wittingly took a detour from the crowd, ‘accidentally’ treading on the crumbles where a few ants were crawling on, sending a stream of pleasure down my spine. As the doors closed, I turned my head back and looked into the compartment, my heart burning with desire to savour the sight of the ravaged crumbs I had trampled on. But it was too late, since the train had already left.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡovK0clWka4 維尼

I couldn't see them after all. Whatever.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡixwYiRp6tl 維尼

Dusk came. Time to get off work.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡUK4JhIyhFT 維尼

Both my head and my heart were burnt out from exhaustion. It took us ages to wedge myself and my male colleague into the compartment, after which we carried on with bad-mouthing our boss.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZUTensjOO 維尼

‘There's an ant.’ In a flash, he pointed at a tiny ant, which had been crawling quickly from the camp of my shoe to my calf.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjKM7XMI0L 維尼

I froze in fear as my mind went blank. No! There was a figure in the distance. Who was that? I couldn’t see it… I didn't want to see it…8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMNAnlM4o5 維尼

Bang! A slap on my calf delivered by my male workmate sent the ant to its doom—flattened.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZsolLNe3W 維尼

‘It's alright now!’ He flashed a grin. ‘Are you scared of creepy crawlies?’ 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUDS6xQoiA 維尼

‘No, I’m only scared of ants.’ I replied, my lips still faintly tremouring from terror as I forced a smile.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXwnWW9qdY 維尼

Time for lunch break.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpBqCOih5S 維尼

Miss A was watching a television series online, while Mr B was yawning. Miss C went out for lunch, and Mr D enjoyed his large lunchbox. Meanwhile, Miss E…8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsdEzSWxb3 維尼

Looking at the different demeanours of my colleagues, I suddenly felt that all of us were like organisms so tiny to the point where… we seemed like ants. It was the last thing I wanted to see. Toiling away day and night just for subsistence, were we really so much different from ants, which were eking out their survival daily? 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3fgnl69eM 維尼

All of a sudden, I caught a glimpse of an ant sauntering on the back of my hand. Yet, I didn’t have the intention to squash it. I gently put my hand down onto the table, so as to let it crawl naturally. As I peered at the ant disappearing at the corner of the wall, I felt myself disappear as well. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡbidWf7pxY8 維尼

The truth was, I was actually an ant, but I would sometimes daydream about being a human, spending my preposterous life as a mere mortal. It would be a life of goal-oriented, hopeful efforts though. I would run towards the so-called ‘hopes’. How extravagant would that be! This was meaningful, no more, no less.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGDXHRPT8f 維尼

Or…8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jZypM1sxX 維尼

Truth be told, I was actually a miniscule human being, but I would sometimes daydream about being an ant, spending my life without rhyme or reason. I would only search for food, which was my only goal. How dull would that be! This was survival, like no other.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtNTrNhOGh 維尼

Time to go back to work.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wv3zD5Xbq 維尼

My head was bitten off by my boss. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ085BrutV1i 維尼

Everybody knew that it wasn’t me, but they were all afraid of getting into trouble, and I was forced to face the guillotine. After what happened, I received no words of apology or consolation either.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAsawOOsIl 維尼

Feeling dejected, I had to hide in a toilet cubicle to calm myself down. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKwm6udH47 維尼

By coincidence, an ant passed by the cubicles. Without doubt, I stepped on it.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWAyMasenx 維尼

It repaid me with exhilaration, and I smiled in return.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAsPH9Hxjx 維尼

Liquor, liquor, liquor. At the bar.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSIiSMNlvK 維尼

‘Aren't you only afraid of ants? Why are you scared of alcohol now?’ My male co-worker asked with a smirk.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUDz0z3Dcm 維尼

‘Actually, I'm not really fond of it.’ I stuttered out timidly.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5wxADdlSf 維尼

‘Or… do you actually not drink?’ He gave a loud chortle.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡir9QR1hxy5 維尼

His bubbles of laughter suddenly drove me to neglect my resistance, and the next minute I found myself pouring the shot down my throat. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNyMtaanPA 維尼

In the end, I passed out. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WpPxKSV3u 維尼

As my mind became foggy, I saw him crawling upon my body like an ant, exploring each inch of my skin. He had no intention of stopping, since he was burning with desire to find his cave…8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1TUBV0YG1 維尼

When God takes away your door, He will definitely leave you a window.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡqErztyiG35 維尼

This time, God gave me an ant, of which I named my ‘boyfriend'. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Q7ZJ2XYJB 維尼

It was a holiday, and I was at the hospital. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOmgFXyjom 維尼

Mum had been staying at this hospital. Yet, because her medical report wasn’t available until next week, it wasn’t clear what she had been diagnosed with.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrVrje1JNJ 維尼

Tears flooded the room when family members saw her. The air suffocated everyone with sorrow, even those who were mentally strong. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7SyuNgOwua 維尼

‘I feel…’ Mum had been speaking intermittently these few days. ‘That I…’8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jnhT7BXVq 維尼

Everyone held their breath, their hearts beating with fear that this would be her last words. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbgoQpxFd8 維尼

‘That I’m… an ant…’ Her voice was as light as a feather, but I knew everyone heard it loud and clear. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4jUXu65Bi 維尼

Dead silence filled the room. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aqMgZeoF2 維尼

Unexpectedly, her last words were the clearest words I’d ever heard from her, no matter physically or mentally. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJD0GauyUK 維尼

Time for dinner back at home. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡATCxxy4USH 維尼

An odd silence rang through the dining room, across the table and the six chairs. Sounds from the television failed to cover everyone’s chewing—the food seemed to be harder than steel. Pretending not to be concerned, I continued to eat.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡgradhq1jZK 維尼

‘This tastes disgusting.’ Dad put his chopsticks down suddenly. ‘Let’s head out for dinner.’8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcauEEKS1K 維尼

Younger sister put hers down, ran into her room, and flung the door. Aunt lowered her head, yet her glare at the food was still distinct. Grandma blankly stared into space, tears almost spilling from her bloodshot eyes. I sat in silence, while my eyes traced the trails of an ant which passed by the opposite wall on occasion. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKMFHbrLlk 維尼

I thought to myself, when it’s the end of the world, would this ant be Earth’s last resident? 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡH01Uu0gXBb 維尼

Every time I looked at Mum, ineffable emotions flooded my mind. An image of an ant rose from the depths of the waves in my mind, as if she had always been an ant. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJv1E87sfp 維尼

An ant who made meals, did the laundry, cleaned the floor, ironed clothes, wiped the window… How ridiculous! To me, she was always an ant. That explained why I had never thought of helping her out with the chores so as to alleviate her burdens.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9foSknemK 維尼

Over time, I would walk away every time I saw her.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZ0D1kqpfY 維尼

Nonetheless, I knew that I couldn’t run far away forever. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KrVF0Rdiw 維尼

I was on the bed at my boyfriend’s. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7K9UDfO3ia 維尼

After our foreplay, my boyfriend became extremely excited, totally unaware that I had been zoning out. As he was still sweating on top of me, my imagination flew further away—a delivery room.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ78q33vPO3 維尼

There was a bed in the room, lying on which was a queen ant. She was wrenching in so much pain, which was what pregnant women referred to as ‘the tenth level of pain’. This meant that she was about to give birth. A few moments later, the whole bed was filled with larvae, creating a horrifying sight. Yet, her body didn’t seem to give in, and within seconds, the newly-born larvae had already taken off the whole delivery room, the whole hospital, and even the whole world.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKM4w5Oi2J 維尼

As I was abound with terror, the queen ant's voice trembled into my ear with grievance, ‘Someday thy corse shall receive the same treatment!’8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Kms3jrUNB 維尼

I screeched in fear. My boyfriend thought I was deeply aroused as well and thrusted harder into me...8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOKgQBkjNj 維尼

It was an alumni gathering in a traditional Chinese restaurant in Mainland China.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWxhp26WgN 維尼

As weird as it sounds, why would anyone choose to hold an alumni gathering in the Mainland? Some said that it was the host's idea, and they would give us a surprise.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRgn2HwYkV 維尼

‘An ant feast?’ I froze in fear, but I couldn’t escape the venue. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡJU5lEgpO1q 維尼

‘Have you watched When Heaven Burns?’ Person A shoved a spoonful of scrambled eggs with fire ants down his throat.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxRsFK32AH 維尼

‘Yep. The scene where they ate human flesh was astonishing!’ Person B’s mouth was filled with limbs of black ants. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jEy2QjYJS 維尼

‘How was the finale?’ Person C chugged half a bowl of termite soup in one big gulp.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjbebcAEoH 維尼

‘It was terrible!’ Person D spoke as they handed me a bowl of yellow ant tong sui. [Note: A category of traditional Hong Kong dessert, which literally translates to ‘sweet water’.]8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Hh89cBdEe 維尼

Yeah it was! I said to myself in my mind repeatedly, right before I dashed into the toilet and threw up heavily.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡNU2Rxr9ZLq 維尼

My boyfriend had lots of pets which terrified me, including snakes, lizards, spiders… Every time we made love, he would put his beloved pets next to the bed so as to deepen his arousal. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdvMUeRu5V 維尼

This time though, there was no sight of his pet. Secretly pleased, I asked after our passionate encounter, ‘Where’s your pet?’8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtlgx5f9Dx 維尼

‘It’s inside you now.’8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡqM3iSbykbo 維尼

‘What is?’8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYXFbZ4jH3 維尼

‘The ant.’8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5BRE5Zfxb 維尼

There was now an ant in my heart. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡllsQfuLqN6 維尼

What did it usually do? Making meals, doing the laundry, cleaning the floor, ironing clothes, wiping the window… It was capable of a lot of things, but it never cared about my feelings. On what grounds did it enter my mind and my life? It'd better get out of my sight as soon as possible!8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxFXtFzHdC 維尼

In the end, one of the ants in my life had really disappeared. I vaguely remember its name: Mum.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVt8W8C6vo 維尼

I bowed at the guests once more at the funeral.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCyUeh86zf 維尼

‘Is she really dead?’ A voice whispered in my ear, yet I could tell that it didn't belong to the people at the funeral.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNwQ6JRp5x 維尼

‘Who?’ Another voice asked rhetorically.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWiTuJc4Kr 維尼

‘Cousin number two hundred and ninety three.’ The first voice appeared to be annoyed. ‘She…’8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡvw4zhQ17uq 維尼

Silence.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8E0mLJoMH 維尼

I snapped out of it and lowered my head to see the two ants I stepped on by accident.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfjyJK4ODm 維尼

‘Is there something wrong with my ears? Why do I hear ants speaking?’ I asked the doctor.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡOleDK6DRkk 維尼

‘No, there’s nothing wrong with them. You’re under immense pressure, which caused your auditory hallucinations.’ He replied. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAC046PvaQ 維尼

‘Am I mentally ill?’ I asked.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOpQgMMc04 維尼

‘It’s an emotional disorder.’ He replied. 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLGpsKcSf9 維尼

‘What do I do then?’ 8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vqia0W0Ta 維尼

‘I’ll write you a prescription. Remember, you must take your medicine on time. And also get some rest…’8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DUxs9xJ3s 維尼

‘Thank you doctor.’8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnFxmIPIyE 維尼

‘No problem.’8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvGnTIVuU2 維尼

As I left the clinic, I turned my head around to see the billboard—‘Specialist Ma Yi’.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2z6bUJwb7 維尼

No, I took a closer look and noticed it said ‘Specialist Ma Ngai’. [Note: Ma Ngai is the pronunciation of ‘ant’ in Cantonese.]8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFvTZ8Ut2N 維尼

I always felt like something was eating my insides.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MutfiHor5 維尼

Were they ants?8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJ6jwAEtmW 維尼

I was told that everything was normal after my physical examination.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQOkxIyJlx 維尼

My boyfriend explained that what he said about ants before was simply a joke.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡhS87whLhyd 維尼

My colleagues told me to get more rest and to lessen my workload.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QtAdd2Jvi 維尼

...8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkkdsNmhWw 維尼

‘There's really an ant inside me!’ I screamed as I darted out the door. One giant leap off the rooftop, I had already sacrificed my life in the cruelest way possible.8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡMru6g6cYUN 維尼

As Death approached and lingered upon me, I finally made out what it was. It wasn't an ant, but...8964 copyright protection336ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnvsuEFA6h 維尼

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