Chapter 10

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“Guess where I am?”

“Haha, don’t tell me right in front of my house?”

“…Why do you have to be so smart?”

“What? Really?”

When winter break came around again, Xiao Chuan called me more often, saying that he wanted to come back quickly each time. In contrast, I heard less from Li Weisen, whether through phone calls or letters. The times we did talk however, he would talk about the places he’d been to with his new friends.

“They all seem to have an endless amount of money. Whenever we have time off, they would invite me to go out with them. Money truly is great.”

I said that he shouldn’t take advantage of their money just because he was friends with them.

He immediately shot back, “I’m only saying this because it’s you, but when making friends, we should choose people who are useful. We are all getting older… You should learn from me. Don’t tell me later that I didn’t warn you!”

“…You’re right. You have grown up.” My heart was cold. When had he learned this type of “maturity?” I felt a strong wave of disappointment rise inside me, and I said without thinking, “do Xiao Chuan and I count as these ‘useful’ friends of yours?”

“You!”

I could just imagine the fury he was in on the other end. It was a long while before he spoke again.

“If you two truly were that type of friend to me, do you think I would’ve mentioned what I’ve just told you? Alright, why don’t we talk about something else? They’re letting me go home to visit you guys soon.”

It was the first time we had fought over the phone. To my surprise, he didn’t slam down the phone but made an attempt to explain. I also thought I had gone overboard. “Sorry, pretend I didn’t say anything… Come back quickly! Xiao Chuan will be back soon as well. We haven’t gotten together in such a long time!”

“Yeah, I know. He’s talked about it with me already. I can’t stay until the new year, but I’ll be able to spend a few days with you guys! Is he still dating the same girl? Is he actually serious this time?”

“I hope so. I’m just afraid he’ll get greedy. You know how he is.”

“What about you? Still the same? I think your standards are a little bit high. Don’t tell me you’re still a virgin. That’s too funny.”

“What’s funny about that? Aren’t you living the life of a monk right now?”

“Haha… I can only count as half a monk, I’m not as ‘pure’ as you. Okay, I have to hang up. Bye.”

Before I could ask any more questions, he’d already hung up. Even after thinking for a while, I couldn’t figure it out. In that kind of environment, how was he able to have any chances to “practice” the real thing? That was a little ridiculous.

Winter break hadn’t officially begun, but Xiao Chuan immediately came back after his final exams. It was the first time he came looking for me by himself.

Standing in front of my door, he said, “I’ve missed you so much,” and pulled me into a hug. We stayed like that for a long time before he let go. His hair style was a little different and he was taller, but he was still the same as before.

Smiling, I punched him in the arm. “Did you grow taller? Where’s your girlfriend? You’re not going to let me see her?”

“You’re the one who grew taller! There’s plenty more chances for you to see my girlfriend. But hey! We haven’t seen each other in such a long time, don’t you miss me? You keep talking about other people!” His exaggerated expressions hadn’t changed at all.

I laughed out loud and said, “I do! Of course I miss you! Can we go inside now?”

“Haha, I almost forgot we’re still standing outside. I’m telling you now that I’m not going home tonight. We are going to stay up all night long talking and having a lovey-dovey time together.”

“You idiot! You haven’t had enough lovey-dovey time with your girlfriend? Don’t make fun of me.”

Laughing, we joked around, and time passed by quickly. Even after we went to bed, we stayed up talking. Looking out the window, Xiao Chuan exclaimed, “ah! It’s snowing! Look! It’s beautiful!”

I hadn’t been paying attention to the window at all, but when I looked outside, it was indeed snowing. It was the first snow of the year.

Xiao Chuan leaned against me and we watched the snow fall together. I could feel his hot breath on my ear.

“Gao Yu.”

“Hmm?”

“Do you remember that time…when the three of us were playing in the snow?”

“Of course I remember.”

“That time, if it had been just the two of us, I would’ve…”

His last words disappeared next to my lips and I felt something warm cover them. I looked up and saw Xiao Chuan’s face right next to mine.

Was he…kissing me? I didn’t know how to react. Surprise and shock took over all my senses. I could only stare at him with wide eyes. He reached behind me and pulled me into a tight hug.

His face was red, but there was resolve behind his movements. His tongue made its way slowly into my mouth and started moving. My brain was a mess, so I let him do as he pleased. As he sucked on the tip of my tongue, I could feel it going numb and a slight sticky sensation.

It was a gentle kiss. Gentle enough that I couldn’t refuse. Almost out of instinct, I hugged him and kissed him back. I did it without thinking, my body reacting out of reflex. As our breaths became more ragged, we both closed our eyes.

After the long kiss, we didn’t speak to each other and looked away in different directions. After not knowing how long, I said a quiet “good night” and turned off the light. Inside the blanket, I moved to the spot farthest away from Xiao Chuan and stayed still. Keeping that difficult position, it took until the middle of the night before I fell asleep. Just before I did, I thought I heard a “I’m sorry.”

When I woke up the next day, Xiao Chuan was already sitting up wide awake. The minute I opened my eyes, he quickly turned his head away and got off the bed as if ready to leave.

“Zhao Pingchuan!” I yelled his full name. Stiffly, he turned his head around, fear obvious in his eyes.

“Xiao Chuan, just forget about it. It was…simply a joke. Just don’t do it again.”

“I don’t know. My head is a mess right now.” Xiao Chuan looked at me timidly. “Last night… I really felt something. I… Am I…”

“You’re not sick. It was simply the mood, okay? You might have…mistaken me for a girl.” I deliberately joked around, “you…you’ve been spending too much time with your girlfriend!”

“Really?”

He didn’t look convinced, so I immediately added, “stop thinking about it! You can be a pervert if you want to, but I don’t! Haha!”

When he heard the word “pervert,” Xiao Chuan visibly shrank. The confident and easy air he’d always carried about him was completely gone. Taking the chance, I added another sentence, “we’ll always be best friends, right?”

“…Yes.”

Xiao Chuan might have acted out of impulse. He was weak towards beautiful scenery and beautiful people. With the weird mood last night, it was understandable that he would do something out of bounds. He wasn’t the same as me. I would never drag him onto the path I was walking. Not to mention, he wasn’t gay at all, he liked girls. Even if my words had damaged his self-esteem, it was something I had to do. As a friend, it was the only thing I could do.

We joked our way out of the awkwardness of the first few days afterwards. Fortunately, Xiao Chuan quickly returned to normal, and we went back to our old ways. We went out to eat and play, and I also met his girlfriend. She was prettier than what he had described, but she was just as mature and thoughtful as he had mentioned. He was quite lucky to have found her.

A week after Xiao Chuan came back, I went to visit my dad. He had recently started dating a female colleague, so I decided to go and “inspect.”

During my visit, I had two meals together with them. I thought the woman my dad was dating was quite nice. She was a few years younger than him, divorced but childless. She was especially nice and warm towards me. That day, I drank and smoked with my dad. He laughed and said I had grown up and could do the things I wanted to do. We were both happy for each other. Getting married again was a good thing for my dad. I was in complete support if that was what he wanted.

I hadn’t been that happy in a long time. I talked with my dad late into the night before I hailed a taxi and went home half-drunk. My dad offered to drive me home, but I refused and said, “didn’t you say I’ve grown up? Do I need you to drive me home?”

When I reached home, the phone started ringing. I picked it up to find it was that punk—Li Weisen. He laughed and asked me to guess where he was right now. His tone of voice was telling enough of how drunk he was.

Without thinking, I said the answer I wanted to hear the most at that moment. His unexpected affirmation truly surprised me.

When I opened the door, he was leaning against the frame with his cell phone still out and a smirk on his face. His hair was cut into a buzzcut and his breath stank of alcohol. “You rascal, I’ve been looking for you all day. Where did you go? Let me have a look at you. You really have grown taller. Why is your hair so long? You look like a woman.”

“…And you’ve gotten so dark. Did you become an African [1] ?” I smiled at him like an idiot. I felt as if I were stepping on clouds.

When he came in, he went straight to my room and yelled in joy when he saw the complete stereo sound system I had in there. He pulled out a few DVDs from his pocket and showed them to me. “This is good stuff! I brought them over to watch with you.”

I took them and inspected the text written on the covers. My brows furrowed and I said, “AV? You came here this late just for this?”

“Ha, you have to watch these at night. Don’t tell me that you aren’t interested!”

I sat on my bed and watched him with cold eyes as he moved about energetically setting everything up. Whatever drunkenness I had carried with me out of my dad’s place was already half gone. Not too long after, the TV lit up with a graphic sex scene. I felt completely uncomfortable and told him to turn down the volume as I didn’t want my neighbors to hear.

Eyes glued to the screen, he sat down beside me. While watching, he said, “this is pretty good, isn’t it? Haha, how lewd. Her body is great too.”

“We haven’t seen each other in so long and this is the only thing you can talk about?” I said in as calm a voice as I could manage.

“Of course not. I’ve missed you. I came to find you right after coming back. Isn’t that enough?”

After hearing those words, I decided to forgive him for his distractedness. I relaxed myself and started talking with him. I was even daring enough to talk about the video playing on the screen and rate the positions.

However, I didn’t expect how tireless he was. Even after watching two of them, he was still in high spirits. He was most likely already reacting down there. I stole a glance down at his pants and could feel my face flushing. I quickly turned away and said, “you can watch by yourself. I’m going over there to sleep.”

“Haha, you can’t take it anymore? Are you hard?” He reached out to grab me between my legs. I couldn’t avoid his hand and my face turned completely red. Going overboard, he started feeling me all over. “I saw you looking at me just now. I’m going to teach you how amazing I am today!”

“Hey! Can you… I beg you for forgiveness, okay?” I resisted and tried to show weakness as I could feel myself physically reacting even through my pants.

He was around the same height as before, but he had become stronger. The more I resisted the stronger he pushed me down. The words that came out of his mouth also became vulgar. “It doesn’t matter if you beg. I want to see it and I’m going to make you come if it’s the last thing I do.”

“Stop joking around! Li Weisen! Stop it!” I didn’t dare yell too loudly, but I glared at him angrily. I was seriously pushed to the edge. “If you don’t stop, I won’t be friends with you anymore!”

After hearing that, he finally relaxed his hold on me, but he was still caging me from above. I didn’t know if he was doing it on purpose, but I could feel him pushing his waist into me. The stimulation from that movement was almost enough to make me call out.

“Why are you so angry? But…you’re still quite pretty while angry.” His voice became deeper, and I could feel his alcoholic breath on my face. His expression also became predatory. “How about you play with me? It’ll feel very good.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He told me to “play with him?” Play what?

Translation Notes:

[1] I’m sorry if this offends anybody, but the word for “tan” in Chinese is literally “black” or 黑 (hei). Africans can be referred to as fei zhou ren (非洲人), but are more commonly known as hei ren (黑人), which literally translates to “black people.” Gao Yu is essentially making a pun here. Generally, there’s not much intent behind the word other than to convey that somebody had gotten tanner, as commenting on other people’s appearance is quite common in Chinese culture.

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