Chapter 4

I blinked and looked at him.

"You were there?"

Adonis ran his fingers through his short red hair, which was a rare sight in this life.

"Since I lived much longer than you, it's not strange that I had such a person."

"But you said you were a playboy until you were eighty... Could it be that you were actually married?"

"Unfortunately, it was a one-sided love until the end. I wasn't even noticed."

I was speechless.

After all, as he said, he was very popular with women. It was said that no woman could resist his advances. That's why all the men in his unit didn't want to introduce their lovers or wives to him.

Adonis, however, was a man who would dismiss the idea of a love affair as too troublesome.

I looked at Adonis intently.

Adonis continued with a rather cheerful expression.

"She was an incredibly dull person. No matter how passionately I courted her, no matter how sweetly I whispered, she wouldn't even give me a glance. ...But if I had confessed my love directly, I would have been rejected. She never even noticed me. I knew from the beginning that I was far out of her league."

"Was she a noble lady...?"

"No, it wasn't about status, but as a person. You know, as you well know, I used to be a scoundrel, right?"

"From the middle on, you were different. You were a trustworthy person."

"── That makes me happy. Yes, very. I'm so happy I could cry. If you can say that to me, then my first life had meaning."

Adonis smiled very softly.

His eyes, the color of young leaves, looked content, and I was puzzled.

Adonis had very gentle eyes. Was he looking at the memory of someone who had passed away? If what his eyes reflected was true love, I would understand. Adonis must still be thinking of that person.

He spoke firmly, as if to clear the slightly damp air.

"Anyway, I have experienced a life changed by true love. So, I want you to experience falling in love and acting foolishly. And I want to laugh at it."

"Try your best. It's good to have a goal."

Even as I said this, I felt a vague unease inside.

I didn't know. So, that's how it is.

── This person had someone he loved so much.

The more I thought about it, the more my chest felt heavy.

Could it be that I was jealous? Of him, who had found true love.

My heart didn't flutter or skip a beat, yet he had been so passionate about love that he could declare it true love, even though it was a lifelong one-sided love. This was unfair. It was only natural that I would be jealous.

The deputy, who had been such a playboy, had found true love, while I, who could proudly say I had never had any romantic experiences in this life or the previous one, had yet to have a fateful encounter. There was no sign of a miracle happening.

Perhaps, by having the memories of my past life, I had already used up all the miracles for my future life. But if that were the case, wouldn't it be unfair that he didn't have the same conditions? That's unfair.

A dark flame of resentment ignited in the depths of my heart.

"Your Highness, I think I could be a queen at this point."

As expected, Adonis, who would hate it the most, twisted his lips.

"I don't think that attitude of 'I'll just go with the flow because it's troublesome' is good. Can't you be a bit more motivated in life, for your own protection?"

"My selling point as a queen is that I have good physical strength."

"Can't you come up with a better selling point?"

"I'll leave the rest to you, Your Highness."

"Stop throwing your life away. If you take that attitude, I'll surround you with my favor. You wouldn't like that, would you, being confined?"

"......If reading and meals are guaranteed, that could be an option."

"No way!!"

"If I can spend my days lounging and reading as much as I want......"

"I won't allow it!! ...You, just because you were born in a peaceful world, you're too relaxed. You shouldn't say such things so easily. There are bad people everywhere."

"I'll fight if there's a war. Just give the order whenever you want."

"Extremes! Try to aim for a balance. Besides, you used to say that when peace came, you wanted to do this and that, didn't you? Did you achieve those things on your 'list of things to do when peace comes'?"

I smiled with a hint of melancholy.

"Your Highness... I've come to realize in my second life..."

"What?"

"That the motivation you have when you're busy disappears when you have free time."

"Don't say that with a wise face."

"I did have dreams of what I would do when peace came. But now, in this peaceful era without war, all I think is that going out is troublesome."

"Did you spend two lifetimes going out in your past life?"

"Staying in my room and reading is the best. If I become a queen, I'll give you a carefully selected book every month."

"Ha, you've come up with a second selling point. ...But that's not the point..."

Adonis looked at me with a resentful eye.

If I married him, it would make it impossible for him to take his revenge. Serves him right.

"Your Highness, unfortunately, I seem to be out of true love, but if it makes you feel better, you can insult me as much as you like."

"Stop trying to frame me as a pervert."

"It's a fact that I called you a red-haired dog. I'm willing to accept verbal retaliation anytime."

"Are you picking a fight with me? And you only have two selling points as a queen."

"But, Your Highness doesn't look like a red-haired dog anymore. Your hair is short."

"Are you measuring dogness by length!?"

While saying it was unbelievable, Adonis touched his hair.

It was the same curly hair as before, but it didn't stick out in all directions because it was short. It might just be that the people taking care of the prince were very skilled.

"Are you not going to grow it out anymore?"

"I won't. Long hair is a hassle."

"You never cut it short before."

"That was because there was a reason..."

His Highness stopped speaking, as if he had said too much.

I was curious but quickly understood.

"Looks like you were making a wish, Your Highness? It was popular back then, wasn't it?"

"......Yeah, something like that."

I chuckled at His Highness's awkward attitude.

It was nostalgic. I, too, had secretly made a wish.

Well, strictly speaking, it might not have been a wish. It was a dream I was determined to realize when the war ended.

── Sir, why don't we enjoy the flowers together sometimes? I'll prepare some sweet pastries too. ...Where do you get them from? I have a secret route.

The deputy, who said this and enthusiastically invited me, was that person.

At first, I refused, but in the end, I nodded. The official reason was that he was too persistent, but the real reason was that his proposal was very appealing. Especially the part about the sweet pastries.

Back then, sweet treats were hard to come by. We were just trying to survive. But the deputy did have his own unique way of procuring supplies, and I was often helped by it.

I never asked, but he was probably the illegitimate child of some noble.

The high-ups had pushed him into the position of deputy to eventually get rid of me and replace me with him. It was a clear personnel decision fueled by a hatred of a commoner woman having too much power.

I intended to get back at them, but in reality, the deputy didn't work at all from the first day. He lacked motivation, was a slacker, made excuses, and just smiled foolishly. He was a hopeless case.

So, I changed my mindset.

This man was not someone to be wary of but a new recruit to be thoroughly trained.

As a result, it paid off.

I was greatly hated by the deputy, but I was recognized as a competent superior.

In the last few years before my death, he was, in name and reality, my right-hand man.

── Why don't we enjoy the flowers together sometimes? I'll prepare some sweet pastries too.

I was determined to make it happen when peace came.

It was a secret source of strength for me. Even in the moments before my death, I thought I wanted to see the flowers in a peaceful world and eat some sweet pastries. It wasn't just about my love for food; that's just how it is when you're about to die. Probably.

I don't know why I have memories of my past life, but every time I come to the palace, my dreams are fulfilled, and I am very satisfied.