V2C16

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As time passed, the memories Lin Jue had of the game faded until he finally decided to record everything down with a pen. He was afraid that in the end, he would forget everything, Song Hanzhang with it.

Just like that, time flowed past meaninglessly, and he was no longer troubled by nightmares.

The feeling of a peaceful sleep right until morning; apart from a sense of fulfilment, he also felt a slight unease.

Lin Jue stared at the bunk above him and thought for a long, long time before finally remembering that he hadn’t dreamt. From some day onward, the nightmares that had once clung to him stopped appearing… and of course any dreams of Song Hanzhang with them.

The strange sense of loss made him upset.

Ever since the time he knocked on Room 217’s door without a care, he had avoided Song Hanzhang. Even if it was a chance meeting in the corridors, he would lower his head and hurry past him.

Sometimes when he met Shentu Ming, he would smile at him without a sound, but Lin Jue didn’t have the courage to face Song Hanzhang. He knew that he was running away like a coward, refusing to remember anything about the game but even though they were only friends for three or four days, the mark he had left behind was indelible. Even Lin Jue had thought it was incredible.

The huge campus was peaceful.

One day when Lin Jue was returning to his room from the canteen, he saw Shentu Ming standing underneath the giant camphor tree next to the dormitories. He was holding his phone as if sending a message.

Lin Jue was just about to walk into the building, pretending to not have seen him, when Shentu Ming called out, “Lin Jue, wait a moment.”

Lin Jue looked back at him.

Shentu Ming placed his phone into his pocket and smiled lightly. “I’ve been holding back for a few days but I’m still very curious.”

“About what?’

“That day, why did you suddenly run to Song Hanzhang’s room and start shouting, and why did you think that you knew him? I asked Song Hanzhang and he said that he had never met you before in his life. I’m the same.”

Lin Jue watched the stream of passersby not far away, unsure of what to say.

What could he have said? Could he have spoke about the nightmares that he had buried deep within his heart? But what would be the point? Without those memories of facing death together, they wouldn’t have even become friends.

In the end, he could only whisper, “Nothing, it’s… nothing.”

He had given up.

Shentu Ming seemed like he still wanted to say something but then suddenly clutched his chest, his face pale.

“Hey, are you alright?” Lin Jue walked up, wanting to check on him.

Shentu Ming shook his head and took a step back.

“It’s fine, my heart just convulsed suddenly. Maybe it’s because I’ve been too tired recently- I’ve even been getting migraines. I won’t bother you anymore. Bye.” Saying that, Shentu Ming walked into the dormitory building without a look back.

Just as Lin Jue was contemplating whether or not he should follow him to check on him, his attention was drawn completely to Song Hanzhang who had walked past.

He was still the same; even the most ordinary white shirt looking upright and stern on him. He had clearly seen Lin Jue as well but made no attempt to approach him, walking indifferently past into the dormitory building.

Lin Jue stood beneath the tree, unable to move his eyes away.

He wanted to call his name, to stop him and talk to him, to tell him everything.

But… he had almost forgotten just what it was he needed to say.

A faint fear shrouded his heart. Lin Jue ran back to his room and took out the diary which recorded every small detail about the game. Now though, it only looked like a distant story.

He held the diary and felt afraid.

His memory was slowly getting erased. Should it continue… no, those events were never supposed to have happened. He should have only been who he was right now; a normal, ordinary university student. Let those nightmarish memories vanish from his mind. Let them vanish quickly.

Unwillingness still lingered though as Lin Jue clutched his head in front of the desk, sinking into a swamp of indecision.

Forget it, forget it, forget it…, he repeated.

Lin Jue, just be a normal person. You were always meant to be a normal person, he told himself.

But Song Hanzhang in this world so often unwittingly appeared in his peripherals, dragging him back from the brink of forgettance again and again.

Then one day, he was eating in the canteen when he heard familiar voices coming from behind him. Shentu Ming and Song Hanzhang were eating as they discussed their essays. The conversation turned to aimless chatter after.

Lin Jue had the sudden urge to run but Song Hanzhang’s words made him stop in his tracks.

“My favourite film? Most likely The Truman Show,” he said.

Shentu MIng smiled. “Even though it was innovative and had a very profound message, I didn’t expect you to hold it in that high of a regard.”

“It has nothing to do with my opinion, it was because it made me realize how fearful a life controlled by others was. In the final moment when Truman opened the door to the film set without hesitation to abandon everything to chase after a cruel yet true future, I had to admit that it was a good film. At the very least, it was able to move me,” Song Hanzhang said.

Lin Jue’s hand shook. He was silent for a few seconds before carrying his tray of leftovers to the recycling bin.

That night, the him that hadn’t dreamt for a long time fell into a dream once more.

He stood in a room overgrown with plants, spiderwebs covering the entire classroom as if wishing to drag everything into a snow-white hell. Lin Jue slowly walked forwards to a corner.

There was a giant cocoon there.

Lin Jue watched that cocoon quietly as it flaked and melted until the person trapped inside was revealed.

Shentu Ming’s eyes stared straight at him, filled with empty despair.

Lin Jue wanted to walk up to him when the face changed to Song Hanzhang’s.

A huge spider creeped out from a corner towards the unmoving body. Lin Jue wanted to stop it but he couldn’t move a step. He could only watch as its hideous mouth split open and bit down onto Song Hanzhang’s neck!

Lin Jue was shocked awake, cold sweat staining his pillow. He lay in the dark in utter silence for at least a minute before he covered his face and began to heave and choke on sobs.

Lin Jue broke.

He wanted to forget everything. He wanted to return to his original peaceful life.

He didn’t want to forget Song Hanzhang. He didn’t want Song Hanzhang to forget him.

He had two contradictory wishes, and there was no way to obtain both. He and Song Hanzhang had met in the eye of despair and had become each others’ most trusted companions through death. Without that game, there was no way their friendship could have been born.

He thought he could have calmly accepted everything and kept living in vain peace, but…

We are proof of each other’s existence in this world.

Like a trapped beast pushed to its limit, Lin Jue curled up on the bedside and whined.

He could die, but Song Hanzhang could not.

If he ran, if he compromised and took a step back, what would happen to Song Hanzhang? Song Hanzhang was different. Even if reality was cruel, as long as it was reality, he could walk away from his dream’s utopia to chase after the cruel yet honest future. He was that kind of person.

Lin Jue couldn’t leave him fighting in the nightmare alone without help.

Lin Jue had to be with him.

As long as Song Hanzhang was willing to point the path forward, Lin Jue could forever be the sharpest weapon in his hand.

Thinking through everything, Lin Jue wiped away the tears on his face messily, lifted his quilt, and got out of bed.

It was currently 2:20 in the morning. The cacophony of snoring filled his small room with the sensation of the living.

It was as if he made a decision with no room to turn back. Even if the ending was regret, he would face death calmly.

Lin Jue put on his clothes and pants on one by one, grabbed the diary, and left the room without a look back.

The building was silent, the corridor filled with darkness, lit only by a faint green from the emergency exit. Wind blew from its end, wiping away the last of Lin Jue’s fatigue.

He knew what he had to do.

A fake reality had no meaning. The real Song Hanzhang was still alive- alive in that nightmare of a game. He needed to get back! To get back and face it with him, even if it was the cruelest thing in the world.

If Lin Jue was alone, he would choose to run. But he wasn’t anymore.

Song Hanzhang was still waiting for him.

He couldn’t be a coward who left him alone.

After knocking ceaselessly on the door to Room 217 for five minutes, Song Hanzhang finally opened the door.

“I’m sorry for waking you up at midnight but there’s something really important I have to talk to you about,” Lin Jue said to him with unprecedented firmness.

Song Hanzhang looked at the watch on his wrist. “It is currently two o’clock in the morning.”

“You’re Song Hanzhang. You’re in your fourth year of clinical medicine, both of your parents have passed away, and you have an acquaintance that’s not quite a friend called Lu Ren whose family runs a dojo. You think he has severe mental issues, but in some ways you trust him…” Lin Jue stuffed the diary into his hands and continued, “I know this all sounds unbelievable and for you these are things that have never happened, and I’m just some weird stranger, but… this is very important for me, so is it possible for me to borrow some of your time for you to listen to me?”

Lin Jue looked at him expectantly. Song Hanzhang returned to his room, grabbed a torch and his keys, then walked out with a jacket. “Let’s go.”

He led them to the top floor of the building using the torch’s light and read through the entire diary as he leaned against the door. Lin Jue kept quiet the whole time.

Finally, Song Hanzhang closed the book and inhaled deeply as if trying to calm down his emotions. “If this was a novel, then I’d have to say that it is very poorly written.”

“But it isn’t,” Lin Jue said seriously.

Song Hanzhang turned to look at him and Lin Jue returned his gaze without wavering.

“Very realistic,” Song Hanzhang said.

“Mhm?” Lin Jue looked at him in confusion.

“I’m not familiar with the others, but if I placed myself into that situation, my judgments and actions would be almost identical to the ‘Song Hanzhang’ written. And Lu Ren- even if you did know him, there would be no way for you to see the personality he has under his disguise. As for Shentu Ming, he is that kind of person and it would be perfectly normal for him to die in the manner written in your diary.”

Song Hanzhang flipped open the diary again and glanced through it. “You didn’t come to find me just to show me this, I presume.”

Lin Jue nodded. “I want you to help me leave here.”

Song Hanzhang glanced at him. “According to your diary, you were last standing in front of a mirror in the second round of the game when you found yourself waking up here.”

Lin Jue responded, “That’s why I thought I might have entered from the mirror into a special domain, like the ghost card game.”

Song Hanzhang rubbed his chin and considered. “I don’t believe so. This time you’re alone and the safety time you’ve received in this illusion is much greater than the time given for the game. The rules are completely different from the ghost card game from round one.”

“That’s true…” Lin Jue instinctively agreed with Song Hanzhang’s verdict.

“I’d say that instead of describing this as an illusion aimed to kill you, it is the world of your dreams. You wrote in your diary as well that you wished to return to your ‘peaceful, normal life from before’, and that all of your tragedies wouldn’t have happened. Everything here is following your wish.” Song Hanzhang looked at him in confusion. “But, you came to find me.”

Song Hanzhang took a long look at him. “Why? Why would you stop your current life? This is what you desire beyond measure.”

Lin Jue hugged his knees and whispered, “Because of you.”

For a long, long time, Song Hanzhang didn’t say a word.

“I understand. I’ll need some time to accept this, and I will do my best to help you return to the world outside of the mirror.”

&&&

For the entire day after that, Song Hanzhang repeatedly forced Lin Jue to look back at what happened before, whether it was the details from the game or what had happened after coming into the world of the mirror- even every sentence he had spoken to his classmates and every lecture he had listened to from the professors.

Lin Jue was like a poor student who hadn’t revised, painfully staring at a question beyond the outline.

He couldn’t help but ask Song Hanzhang what the point was of remembering all of it.

Song Hanzhang looked down at Lin Jue, who was slouched on the table. “Do you truly believe that this is a simple illusion? No, this is your subconscious. This world is created from your most prevalent desire, your wish to return to a normal life where everyone is safe. You can call this the first driving force, but when you came to find me with that diary, another driving force appeared, which was your wish to return to the game for ‘Song Hanzhang’.”

Lin Jue looked at him blankly.

“Because this is your subconscious, everything will be much easier to do. You yourself may not have noticed, or even thought that you had forgotten it all, but it’s all hidden in your brain behind a lock. What to do now is to open that lock, dig out the memories behind it, and analyze them.”

“…” The exact same, Lin Jue thought, the corners of his mouth twitching up. Whether it was the true Song Hanzhang or the Song Hanzhang in his subconscious, both of them were utterly terrifying.

The next morning, Song Hanzhang knocked open the door to Lin Jue’s room.

“Follow me.”

Lin Jue yawned. “Where?”

Song Hanzhang didn’t answer him, only turning around to lead the way. Lin Jue rubbed his eyes and followed after pulling on a shirt.

To his surprise, they didn’t have to walk far, only to the second floor of the building.

“You…” Lin Jue was just about to ask when Song Hanzhang knocked on the door opposite his.

The door quickly opened to reveal Shentu Ming standing behind the door, staring at them expressionlessly, silent.

Song Hanzhang looked at him and said confidently, “I’ve found you, Song Hanzhang.”

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