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[ Survival Guide to Entering the Easter Egg Game as a Cannon Fodder] (Completely shameless, enter with care.)

You are a lucky main character who is not so lucky; lucky because you managed to transmigrate, and unlucky because you transmigrated to the wrong place.

Very well. As a random cannon fodder, you’ll need to receive your base stats before starting the game.

And you did just that. Your stats are as below:

Strength: 1 Your attempt to top failed, please wait obediently to get fucked.

Speed: 2 Congratulations, you won against the snail! Unfortunately, you lost against the turtle.

Agility: 3 You were never able to dodge bullets like the main characters; stray bullets always managed to hit your vitals.

Intelligence: 1 The smarts of a preschooler, the logic of a primary school student, your intelligence isn’t high enough to cheat candy off a kid.

Wisdom: 2 Obviously you can’t become a wizard now. You can consider developing into a front-line fighter.

Physique: 3 Squishy. Unfortunately, you aren’t fated for melee either. Heaven doesn’t know what you can do either.

Luck: -9 Are you complaining about E-level luck? No, your luck is off the alphabet; Murphy’s Law will always prove true on you.

Perception: 1 A magnitude 6 earthquake wouldn’t be able to wake you.

Charisma: 3 Children will cry when they see you, but won’t tear their eyes out.

Growth: 1 Useless cannon fodder, try again another life!

Talents:

A: “My Fault I Guess”- Your teammates will subconsciously blame everything on you and you’ll take large amounts of aggro from them!

B: Saintly-Halo (Fake)- You love saving the cannon fodders with evil intentions and are talented at unconsciously selling out your teammates and succeeding. You are now a passably inting teammate!

Immediately, you feel like there’s something wrong with your transmigration. Without hesitation, you click the ‘try again’ button to reroll your stats. This time, you receive some pretty decent stats, but find something you can’t understand in the talent bar: ‘Seduction of the Ass’.

A strange itch and pain appears between your two asscheeks. You feel a certain place tighten and a strong sense of unease makes you choose ‘try again’ again.

Finally, your stats end up as below:

Strength: 3 Your attempt to top was thwarted again. I told you already, you can’t do something like this.

Speed: 4 Congratulations, you won against the snail and the turtle, but you still lost to the rabbit.

Agility: 5 You can now attend a dodgeball competition, even though your result won’t be exemplary.

Intelligence: 6 You cheated a five year old of her lollipop. Then you were found by her father and beaten up.

Wisdom: 7 You can now consider becoming a mage, though you’ll probably be an apprentice for the rest of your life.

Physique: 4 Slightly less squishy; one stab won’t kill you, but a second stab will make you say bye-bye.

Luck: 3 Once, you picked up fifty cents from the ground.

Perception: 10 You’re very sensitive; if there’s a mosquito within a meter of you, you’ll wake up from a deep sleep. Of course, you won’t have the agility and strength to kill it.

Charisma: 1 Never expect to get an S/O in this life. Or even a dog.

Growth: 5 You’re now a slightly more important NPC.

Talents:

A: Side Character Without A Presence- Your teammates will forget you without even realizing, mobs will forget you without even realizing, automatic doors will forget you without even realizing…

B: Peeking is the Career of a Lifetime- You love peeking and are talented at it. You can see other people’s stats, their inner thoughts, and sometimes, the color of their under-clothes.

You have much to complain about your talents. The biggest talent though, is probably the gaming system itself- you can save files.

Compared to the previous two roles, you feel more satisfied, and so you press ‘confirm’.

The system provides you with a line of text:

A pretty girl gave you an easter egg that read ‘Itchy, tasty.’

You feel like six intelligence isn’t quite enough to understand what that means, so you seek the help of Baidu. Baidu informs you that it’s related to zombies. You think that this is a boring prank and go to sleep.

At midnight, you hear strange sounds coming from the bunk above you. The system gives you three choices:

A: Shout for the upper bunk to shut up

B: Get up and see what’s going on

C: Run out bravely, even if you’re only wearing your underwear!

You choose A and shout, “If you keep grinding your teeth, I’ll kill you!”

A bloody GAME OVER text appears in front of you. You have successfully given up your death-virginity.

Loading the file, you’re once again faced with the three options. This time you carefully choose B.

You receive a bloody CG of man-eating zombies. Your talent ‘Side Character’ is activated and the zombies do not notice you, allowing you to successfully run out of your room.

You meet Lin Jue and Song Hanzhang.

(For details please check the extras for Volume 1; it’s slightly different but I don’t want to rewrite it = =)

Your low presence gets you through the first round without an issue. Unfortunately, due to your ‘Side Character’ talent, no-one remembers your name except for Song Hanzhang due to his exceptional memory (Lu Ren and Lin Jue call you ‘that guy’). But that isn’t important! The important thing is that you survived.

Before the start of the second round, you have a large amount of time to wander around aimlessly. Due to your talent, even though Song Hanzhang might be able to catch you, if you’re careful, almost no one except for Lu Ren should be able to find you in your peeping activities. So you enjoy being a crazy peep!

You find that peeping on Song Hanzhang and Lin Jue is a very interesting thing. In the first round, you had already been rendered speechless multiple times by the king of confessions Lin Jue and you’re very certain he’s gay. It makes a straight man like you feel rather pressured, but when you see Song Hanzhang’s ten charisma and compare it to your one, you’re suddenly hit with a sense of bliss. Your ass is very safe; it will never be given a chance to discover its second ability.

Comparing the stats of Song Hanzhang and Lin Jue, you feel like Lin Jue’s ass might actually be the one in danger.

You’re very interested in Lin Jue. Of course, it’s not the yoooo type of interest, but everytime you peep at Lin Jue confessing to Song Hanzhang from behind the bushes and chuckle, Song Hanzhang will turn to look at you, and lead Lin Jue to find you as well. You successfully peep at Lin Jue’s thoughts. ‘Why is there someone here?!’ ‘Why is it him again?!’ ‘Who the heck is this?!’ It makes you feel a strange sense of joy.

But Song Hanzhang’s thoughts make you shudder. ‘Suspicious. I’ll find an opportunity and…’

The ellipse is filled with meaning.

You were once discovered by Lu Ren as you peeped at him and you received multiple GAME OVER’s, along with Lu Ren’s thoughts. ‘How weak, not satisfying at all.’ ‘Oh dear, I killed him again. Why did I say again?’ ‘More? How annoying!’ ‘This guy, is he a masochist…’ But you still feel that this man is very cool- you insist that you’re not gay, that this is merely admiration for the strong, but your one charisma is not enough for Lu Ren to remember your face. What a shame.

The second round soon begins.

You are walking through the fog. The system asks you: Where are you right now?

A: The Northern Girl’s Dormitory

B: The Northern Business District

C: The Gymnasium

D: The Southern Dormitory Area

You read through it again and make sure there’s no option to arrive directly at Time Plaza. You’re sorely disappointed. To make up for this feeling, and out of some sort of primal desire, you pick A. Two beautiful ladies walk towards you, one tall, one short. The tall, mature lady stares at you with cold eyes. You shiver; this is not your type. Next to her is a soft girl with a soft voice and softer smile. You chuckle creepily and you manage to peep at Gu Fengyi’s thoughts. ‘Foolish man.’ You look at Liu Qingqing’s. ‘…Third wheel.’

You arrive at the plaza with the two pretty girls. Song Hanzhang and Shentu Ming are both already at the plaza. You silently crouch by the clock tower and watch as Song Hanzhang sets up a conversation with the others. Even though you feel bad for those girls, experience from the last round makes you shut up. Song Hanzhang’s ten intelligence allows him to successfully get the information he wants, including the two’s rewards.

You go and receive your reward as well: a fly swatter. You angrily reload, receiving a lighter. Your anger accumulates as you reload again, this time receiving a brick.

You furiously reload 20 times, finally receiving something that could work as a weapon- an electric mosquito swatter. You despair at your three luck.

Many people start arriving at the plaza. Lin Jue and Lu Ren arrive safely at the plaza; you’re very curious as to why those two would arrive together and watch expectantly for Song Hanzhang’s reaction. Unfortunately, Song Hanzhang doesn’t even twitch.

You feel rather sad, but afterwards you think that this really is a messed up love triangle. You don’t understand the world of gays.

Three new people arrive at the plaza; Chen Lu, Qin Hanwen and Lin Wei.

You peep at them. From their stats, you feel that they’re three cannon fodders- they don’t deserve much attention.

Chen Lu’s talent surprises you a little though:

[Jealousy]

75% chance to activate Corruption, increasing all stats by 30%. After activation, the user’s faction will lean towards Chaotic Evil, increasing their chance of death.

You look at Shentu Ming’s [The Wolf of Zhongshan]. ‘The user likes to do good deeds but very rarely succeeds. The user’s deeds have a high chance of backfire.” You decide to stay away from both of them.

Another two players arrive: a cute, young pretty boy and a weak, trash pretty girl. You hesitate for a few seconds. You feel like your descriptions are hinting towards a not-so-fortunate sexual preference…

You peep at the bishounen and to you surprise you find something that doesn’t make sense in his talent bar:

[Repeat Fraudster]

The user loves lying and is good at it. He continues his crimes just to see the despairing expressions of his prey before death.

You sadly find yourself with one more person to stay away from, but he is a cute bishounen! You insist that you are in fact straight. And so you place your eyes on the mature lady Gu Fengyi and the soft girl Liu Qingqing. The two are whispering to each other intimately. You find something strange waking within you once again.

The players in the plaza start exchanging information about the easter eggs. You stand, bored, in your corner; your egg is from the last round and so has no value at all. Still though, you listen carefully and peep at their thoughts in the process.

Gu Fengyi: I’ll need to team up with two other cannon fodders.

Liu Qingqing: Those two women are so annoying, Fengyi keeps looking at them.

You feel that women make no sense and change your target to the others.

Qin Hanwen: If I knew this was going to happen, I would have lost weight.

You feel that this makes sense. The guy’s weight class drags down his survival chance heavily.

Chen Lu: She’s prettier than me, I don’t like that. It must be because she’s using that branded eyeshadow. How is her mascara so natural, damn it!

Branded what? You can’t understand any of her thoughts. Oi, woman, this is not the time for you to be comparing appearances!

Xia Huan: Scary, wuwu…

You feel a slight sense of joy. Is this girl an ACG lover? If she’s still alive by the end of the round, you decide to go ask for her phone number.

Lin Wei: Holy shit, I just wanted to buy a packet of cigs, why did I take that egg! Now my balls fucking hurt!

You feel your joy meter going up.

Shentu Ming: I haven’t even finished my essay… I was planning to pull an all-nighter tonight for it as well.

You realize that men’s thought processes are often not on the right plane either. This guy who’s covered in death flags is thinking of his essay of all things…

Dan Liang: Lu Ren… hehe.

You swallow hard, realizing that your opponent has appeared. Wait, your opponent in your peeping career!

Just as you’re working hard peeping, the teams on the plaza finish dividing up. The system asks you which team you would like to join.

A: Song Hanzhang, Lin Jue

B: Follow Lu Ren

C: Gu Fengyi, Liu Qingqing, Chen Lu, Xia Huan

D: Shentu Ming, Lin Wei, Dan Liang, Qin Hanwen

As a precaution, you set up a new save file. To fix your not-so-reliable sexual preference, you choose C and walk into the team of four girls under the gaze of the rest of the players. You’re able to clearly read through the thoughts of the men opposite you: ‘An unbelievably stupid decision.’ ‘I didn’t expect that! You can’t judge people based on their appearance I guess.’ ‘Eh~ Isn’t this guy also a gay?’ ‘Crap, I should’ve picked the girls’ team as well!’ ‘I still haven’t finished my essay…’ ‘If I lose another twenty-five kilograms, I’ll go flirt as well…” “What a shame, one less prey to lie to.’

You rub your nose and say to Gu Fengyi, “Let’s go.”

Gu Fengyi smiles faintly. “Let’s go.”

The system suddenly gives you a hint: [Liu Qingqing Affection Rate -10]

You find it baffling. You didn’t do anything to get on her bad side and you even tried to find a way to get closer to her, but the soft girl mercilessly decreased your affection rate.

You peep at her talent:

[Bloody Cuckoo]

Only love me, only protect me, please… I won’t let anyone else stay in the nest.

You understand now. Never go against yanderes.

Seeing the soft girl still smiling sweetly at you, you feel goosebumps rising on your skin. What a cute and sweet little girl, who would know she was so mentally ill! A hidden yandere is the most terrifying thing, you’d rather her knock on your door with an axe!

Gu Fengyi teaches you how to use your reward on the way in a friendly manner. You smile bitterly at the system hint: [Liu Qingqing Affection Rate -10]. Gu Fengyi discusses the plot of the previous round with you in a friendly manner. You look sadly at the system hint: [Liu Qingqing Affection Rate -10]. Gu Fengyi leads the team to grind cockroaches; you use your electric mosquito swatter surprisingly well and Gu Fengyi praises you. You tremble at the system hint: [Liu Qingqing Affection Rate -10].

System hint: [Liu Qingqing looks at you with a meaningful glance and walks towards you]. Liu Qingqing starts chatting with you with a sweet smile. As you chat, you see her affection rate towards you fall down like a waterfall. You can’t help but be reminded of your stocks and feel an overwhelming sadness.

You click open the system menu to check the character affection rate and realize sorrowfully that you have received an almost godly stat: [Liu Qingqing Affection Rate: -73. Her attitude to you is akin to if you had killed her entire family.] You are calm now and peacefully await your death.

And so, you start enjoying the drama. You see Liu Qingqing comfort the scaredy-cat Xia Huan, receiving her gratitude; Chen Lu already saw Liu Qingqing in a negative light and Liu Qingqing let Gu Fengyi see clearly how they conflicted with each other. Judging by Liu Qingqing’s superior base stats, you’re certain that Chen Lu will die soon.

You watch sadly as the four women play out their strategies, and can’t help but feel that Gu-jie is the true winner. If this was a harem game, Gu-jie would most definitely be the emperor overseeing the harem, while you lived like a eunuch in the background even though you were the one with the handle.

Once again you’re certain that something went wrong when you transmigrated.

After grinding cockroaches until after midnight, the buildings began to rapidly collapse. Gu Fengyi led the team towards the business district, triggering a fixed plot point on the way.

You watch with a strange feeling as two moths swoop at Liu Qingqing and Chen Lu, thankful for your ‘Side Character’ talent allowing you to be forgotten yet again.

Lin Jue and Song Hanzhang kill a way through the rainforest up ahead and your two teams complete their rendezvous.

And so, the time to burn brain cells begins once more. Gu Fengyi and Song Hanzhang start discussing their next course of action while you decide to use your talent to its max and watch the drama unfold without speaking.

Your maxed-out perception allows you to feel the strange atmosphere between Lin Jue and Song Hanzhang. You peep at those two with interest.

Lin Jue: Xuezhang… is the most important.

You state that you’ll only spy on the gays, you won’t say a word aloud.

Song Hanzhang: from the information currently gathered, Judas, blah blah blah… For the next three hours, the safety of each area blah blah blah… The inside conflicts of Gu Fengyi’s team blah blah blah…

You feel that you shouldn’t have complained about Song Hanzhang talking too much. Compared to his trains of thought, his speeches are already very short and concise. High intelligence people are so complicated- you feel like you’d like Lin Jue’s type better: stupid but cute, with a chance to be corrupted.

As if feeling your kind and pleased gaze, Lin Jue looks at you in confusion.

Following that, you’re forced to head towards the theater under the pursuit of the ants. You find Lu Ren hanging off a tree near the theater, along with Dan Liang hiding in a corner.

You realize that there are uses to your high perception- even if you can’t kill anyone, at least you can find them if they’re hidden.

The bees arrive and you enter the beehive. You’re separated from everyone else.

You feel your death flag is raising, the lunchbox in front of you just waiting to be eaten1, so when the bloody GAME OVER appears in front of you, you don’t feel shocked at all, and in fact you even spare some time to praise this CG- the distant back of Liu Qingqing in the flames of the beehive.

Without any hesitation, you reload to when you were picking teams in the plaza.

1A reference to the farewell meal given to actors in dramas when their character dies.

Luci: “And so you place your eyes on MOMMY Gu Fengyi and UWU GIRL Liu Qingqing.” The first TL ._. I still insist that this vibes better ._.

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