Chapter 17: The Idol's Technique That Never Fails

As I tried to take a selfie, I felt like I was going to throw up just by looking at the camera lens, so I eventually put my phone down on the coffee table and stared at the lens intently.

After watching me do this for a few hours, Yang Ihyeong, who was drinking an energy drink, said,

“You should have bet on something else. Why would a beggar bet a million won?”

“I have to bet on money because I don’t have any, and it makes it more intense.”

“Do you really want to live your life so precariously?”

“Yeah, it’s thrilling.”

“I would never live like that if I looked like you.”

Oh.

It seems my appearance is pretty good these days. I often hear compliments about my looks.

I don’t think my appearance is bad, but I don’t think it’s good enough to be an idol.

More than anything, I often heard that my eyes looked too fierce throughout my career in Kukseona. I heard this not only in comments but also from staff and other trainees, so I seriously considered getting plastic surgery. That’s when I realized how much I was repelling people.

If you search my name on a portal site now, the first page shows posts like this:

[Is there a way to cut out and watch the parts without Kukseona Jeong Hae-won? I get so annoyed every time I see her. 😭]

Two years ago, I read all such posts. I don’t know why I did that.

[Summary of Jeong Hae-won's personality incidents from 1st to 5th]

[↳Our Jihyo is so pitiful 😭 Why did they have to take care of such a personality trash...]

[↳Did you see Kukseona's expression when she fought with Minjiho this week? Her eyes are so scary.]

[↳↳The more I see, the more she looks like a lunatic.]

[Suddenly, what is Jeong Hae-won doing these days?]

[↳Thinking about it, I feel angry again 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂]

[↳But Jeong Hae-won did carry the ratings, right?]

[↳↳It was fun, but I remember being extremely stressed following Kukseona. 😂😂😂😂]

[↳She probably won’t even touch the entertainment industry.]

[↳But her personality is incomprehensible to ordinary people. 😂😂😂😂😂]

[↳↳Can she even live a normal life with that personality?]

[↳↳Usually, the person is fine, but the people around them go crazy.]

[Adults have reasons for disliking fierce impressions.]

[↳Physiognomy = Science ^^]

[↳Her eyes are so unpleasant 😭]

[↳↳No wonder she’s Kukseona.]

Wow, the nickname scale is on a national level. Thinking about it, it has its own impact.

Anyway, the stress over my appearance was the biggest reason I couldn’t show my face or take photos.

Maybe if I got plastic surgery or combined makeup and lenses, I could hide it a bit.

I tried to think positively and finally picked up the camera.

After staring at it for a few hours, I became more familiar with it. After almost five hours, I managed to take a selfie.

As soon as I finished taking the selfie, Yang Ihyeong called me.

“If you’re done, come over here quickly.”

I took a stool and sat next to Yang Ihyeong. Then I listened to the song he was working on. It was a rearrangement for a 14-year-old boy group's competition.

They were indeed professionals with 14 years of experience, so their requirements were detailed and precise. I said, looking at the notes left by the members,

“They’re really professionals.”

“Long-lasting groups have their reasons. Listen to this.”

Then he started using me. Since Yang Ihyeong helped with 'Turn on the Light,' it was my turn to help.

It’s a tough era to compose without a team, and team work requires a good match in personalities. In that sense, I matched well with Yang Ihyeong.

We both said everything we wanted and then compromised. When opinions were evenly split and both had solid reasons, we decided by rock-paper-scissors. The loser accepted it without complaint.

While working, I checked my phone and saw a message from Hwang Saebi.

[Do you have a million won?]

I looked at my phone and saw it was 9 PM.

I was about to take a one-minute video as promised when Shin Jiwoon, who had just finished filming, entered the set.

I asked,

“Why are you here?”

“I want to eat a midnight snack before practice, and no one wants to eat with me.”

“Didn’t you have a dinner party today?”

“High schoolers go home.”

Shin Jiwoon shrugged. I was getting hungry, so I looked at Yang Ihyeong.

“Bro, I’m starving.”

“Bro, I’m a high schooler.”

Shin Jiwoon added. Yang Ihyeong, looking like he wanted to swear, said,

“Doesn’t the company buy you food?”

“They don’t buy expensive stuff. We’re not that popular.”

Yang Ihyeong finally opened a food delivery app to feed the beggar and high schooler.

While waiting for the food, I handed the camera to Shin Jiwoon.

“Take a video of me. Over a minute.”

“Sure.”

Shin Jiwoon, acting cute, picked up the phone.

I had gotten used to the camera after being in front of it all day, but I couldn’t speak. The studio became quiet, so Yang Ihyeong said,

“Then you film, and I’ll talk.”

The music Yang Ihyeong played was the song he composed for Kukseona's team project, 'If I Were a Star.' Shin Jiwoon, excited, said,

“Bro, I really like this song.”

“I really cherish this song too.”

Yang Ihyeong replied.

Listening to the song, I remembered my time in Kukseona. We stayed up all night and re-recorded this song, fearing it would be criticized.

Coincidentally, the members who sang this song at the time were me and six members of Firstlight.

While listening to the song and thinking about Kukseona, Yang Ihyeong said to Shin Jiwoon,

“Do you know that the first public version and the final version are completely different?”

“I know.”

“You all came to the studio when it was first revealed. After you all left, only Chul was left, and he said he really liked the song.”

Yang Ihyeong seemed to remember everything I said that day, feeling sorry for me.

“When I asked what he liked about it, he said he loved how beautifully sad it was. He said just listening to it made his own sadness seem beautiful and made him feel better. It’s really an 18-year-old’s sentiment.”

I didn’t know he had said it so vividly. Huh.

An 18-year-old came and cried, so it’s understandable that an adult would remember.

Yang Ihyeong continued,

“At first, the lyrics were just, ‘If I were a star, I could give you this and that.’ But Chul said he wished the star in the song was the North Star. When I asked why, he said he wanted people’s love to be as stable as a star that doesn’t move. Hearing that, I thought, ‘He must be going through a lot.’ Then I immediately went and revised the lyrics and everything. If I hadn’t revised it, it wouldn’t have been as well-received. Chul really helped a lot.”

[Love you, love you, I’ll be your star. I’ll be there whenever you miss me, in a place you can find me. Like the North Star, here in this place. I’ll love you in any season. Love you, love you, I’ll be your star.]

The lyrics conveyed the message that even if I left, I would stay in one place and continue to love.

Listening to it, I remembered the sense of helplessness when recording the song.

At first, the image was quite good, but the reaction gradually worsened. What hurt me more than those who disliked me from the start was when my fans, who I thought would be on my side, turned their backs on me.

Fans and idols are a set.

I don’t need a stage if I just want to dance and sing alone. Standing on a stage means I want someone to watch me, even if it’s just one person. I don’t think there’s any other reason.

It might sound foolish, but that thought hasn’t changed.

I joined to stand on a stage and for someone to like my performance and music.

If fans hate me too much, I’ll just give up.

I don’t want to think about the time when joining was canceled.

No one acts to fail; they act to succeed.

I decided to put negative thoughts aside.

At that moment, Shin Jiwoon finished filming and said,

“3 minutes and 36 seconds. I filmed exactly the length of the song.”

“Oh, I forgot I was filming. The million won is solid.”

The food arrived just then, and I sent the video to Hwang Saebi without checking it, as I didn’t have the courage to watch it.

* * *

The reaction from Firstlight’s fans to the new member was, as expected, not good. All the members had X-star accounts, and recent posts were filled with worried comments.

Hwang Saebi, representing the worried members, visited the CEO’s office for the first time since debut. CEO Park Hee-taek, looking relieved, said,

“Chul suddenly decided to join.”

“Yes. I came to talk about that. Is he really joining? I’m worried it might fall through if the fans react badly.”

It seems Jeong Hae-won didn’t mention that the joining might fall through if the reaction was too bad.

CEO Park Hee-taek calmly replied,

“He’s definitely joining. We’ve made all the preparations.”

Hwang Saebi sighed in relief. CEO Park Hee-taek continued,

“Still, I don’t know why he suddenly changed his mind. He says it’s for the money.”

“Money?”

Hwang Saebi laughed, finding it absurd. CEO Park Hee-taek asked,

“Why are you laughing?”

“If you give Hae-won a choice between a billion and a stage, he’ll choose the stage.”

“...”

“It’s all nonsense. The reason Jeong Hae-won is working as a manager and doing this here is because he wants to stand on a stage. His reclusive behavior is because he can’t stand not being on a stage, and his composing is for the stage. Dancing, singing, and playing instruments are all for the stage. Whatever he does, his goal is the stage, and meeting fans there.”

CEO Park Hee-taek, listening, jokingly said,

“What about a trillion and a stage?”

Hwang Saebi, not even smiling, said seriously,

“He just has different values. Whether it’s a trillion or a hundred trillion, why would he need money if he can’t stand on a stage?”

“Crazy.”

CEO Park Hee-taek, genuinely worried, said,

“If he can’t handle the pressure and jumps off a rooftop, it’ll be a big problem for the company. That’s what I’m worried about.”

“He won’t die.”

Hwang Saebi, looking tired as usual, said,

“If Jeong Hae-won jumps off a rooftop, it’s because he’s afraid of not having a stage, not because he’s afraid of the stage.”

CEO Park Hee-taek nodded. Hwang Saebi said,

“He influences everyone around him. They get swept up and go all out. Honestly, if Jeong Hae-won hadn’t compromised and been rude, the members wouldn’t have been criticized... but that’s not true. Once you understand him, you can’t criticize him.”

“...”

“Once fans understand, they’ll accept him. Our fans have seen us as a group of seven in Kukseona...”

Hwang Saebi, trying hard to explain to prevent the joining from falling through, checked his phone when it rang and showed the video sent by Jeong Hae-won to CEO Park Hee-taek.

The video showed Jeong Hae-won, but the voice was Yang Ihyeong’s.

[When I heard that, I thought, ‘He must be going through a lot.’ Then I immediately revised the lyrics.]

Hwang Saebi immediately handed the phone to CEO Park Hee-taek. CEO Park Hee-taek, watching the video, said,

“There’s such a behind-the-scenes story? This will get a good reaction if we release it later.”

“Right?”

“No.”

CEO Park Hee-taek laughed and then changed his mind.

“Why wait? Let’s release it now.”