Chapter 4

EP.4 A Saint's Body Has Too Many Useless Things

The water from the showerhead poured down, and I obediently let my body be drenched.

"Ah—"

As the lustrous, radiant blonde hair, which seemed to hold honey, soaked up the water and clung tightly to my body, the warmth that enveloped me felt so good that I inadvertently let out a moan.

Even though my voice was refined but carried a hint of sensuality, I was startled, even though I wasn't a thief who had lost my way.

But that was all.

The shock in my chest quickly subsided, buried in the ample flesh.

It had already been three days since I became this body.

I adapted to this body surprisingly well without any major issues.

At first, the increased leg length didn't match my original stride, and I kept tripping and falling.

That might be why my game time, which was already a lot, increased even more.

At least I wouldn't fall over when sitting in a chair.

This body had too many useless things.

For example, the unnecessarily tall height.

Actually, it wasn't that tall.

Although I didn't have a measuring tool at home to check, I was sure it didn't exceed 170 cm.

It was probably around 165 cm.

The reason it seemed tall was just because of the proportions.

It meant I had long legs and a small head.

Oh, right. This is a saint character.

In Rainbow Tales, the size of the head in character customization was significant.

A smaller head meant a smaller hitbox.

It allowed you to reduce the damage from an arrow piercing your temple to just a perforated ear, causing a hearing impairment (Grade 1).

However, a smaller skull also made you more vulnerable to conditions like fainting or concussions.

Wearing head protection could also be uncomfortable due to the weight, reducing your stats.

So, for frontline melee classes, it was best to have a larger head,

and for upper body, it was longer for its own reasons compared to the lower body,

while for rear-line ranged classes, it was better to have a smaller head,

and a longer lower body for quick escapes.

The saint character adhered to these basics.

The unnecessarily high-pitched voice, let's say, is fine.

I had a firm belief that a saint singing hymns must have a high soprano voice.

I still do.

So, it's not that useless, right?

The unnecessarily large chest...

I tried putting one hand under each breast.

It was heavy.

So heavy that my hands were buried in the lower part of the chest, invisible due to gravity.

What kind of sicko thought of putting two milk tanks larger than a face on a normal woman's body?

...Me.

But a saint must be benevolent, right?

It's common sense that the size of the mammary glands is proportional to benevolence.

So, well, maybe it's not that useless after all.

"..."

Then, what about this unnecessarily large butt?

Is this really useless?

What use is this wide pelvis unless I plan to have a baby?

It doesn't seem to be related to benevolence either.

When someone hugs you, and the two milk tanks envelop your face, it's a benevolent scene, so it makes sense for them to be large. But if the butt envelops your face, it's a disaster for a saint, so it doesn't need to be that big, right?

Eh, and.

There's one really useless thing.

"Ugh."

I thought it was a truly embarrassing moan, even to myself.

It was the result of the cheap showerhead's water pressure suddenly increasing, exposing my delicate body.

The tips of my breasts, touched by the water, blushed shyly.

Shit. To be this sensitive to a showerhead.

"..."

To say something a bit useless,

That.

The saint character.

She's a character who has been with me for 10 years of my life.

She was a manifestation of my repressed self as a Korean man... and also a crystallization of my desires.

A Pandora's box that must never be opened.

Suddenly, a memory from the past came to mind.

It was about two years after the saint character was created, right?

A balding, somewhat perverted-looking priest asked the saint:

[ BaldIsVigorous: Hey, so your 'saint' sensitivity is that high, right? ]

[ Saint: Uh, I guess. My whole body is just weak. ]

[ BaldIsVigorous: This is totally a slut. ]

[ Saint: But I'm still a virgin. I'm a saint, after all. ]

[ BaldIsVigorous: Virgin (front only)?? Don't they say in church that it's okay to have sex after marriage, but not before? ]

[ Saint: My whole body is a virgin. No man has ever touched any part of my body. No woman either. ]

[ BaldIsVigorous: With such a sensitive body? And always being tempted by both men and women? Is this what they call a 'virgin beach' or something? What the hell is this extreme setting... ]

[ Saint: So, how many points? ]

[ BaldIsVigorous: Night points... night points... ]

Just to be clear, there's no sensitivity setting in Rainbow Tales.

What. They wouldn't let you set how to take less or more pain.

So, that was... a terrifying sin brought forth by my teenage desires.

It was just a setting I added.

To blame it on my teenage years would be a bit...

I was still deeply immersed in the setting, panting and moaning in-game until very recently.

But it's okay because it's just a game.

"It's a problem because it's not a game anymore."

Shit.

It's not even an erotic game, just a 3D fighting game. Why did I add such a setting?

And whoever put me in this body, there was no need to be so faithful to the details.

I regretted my past actions.

Let's change the topic a bit.

The one fortunate thing about becoming this body is that I don't have parents.

There's no one I can explain this to.

"Is that really fortunate...?"

Not having parents was definitely good when it came to in-game trolling, but in this situation, it might make my heart ache a bit.

"Ah—"

My heart ached, but it was because the showerhead's caress was defiling this cheap body!

...

...

A shower that would have taken 10 minutes in my original body took a full three hours.

Washing my hair took a long time.

With the blonde hair extending past my waist and down to my butt, applying shampoo and cheap conditioner took a lot of effort to rinse out the foam and oil.

And, well.

Ah, with the body change, my hands were awkward.

I didn't know how to wash a woman's body properly.

So it took a while.

Also...

Ah, after washing, since it's a woman's body... I squeezed out a 1000ml bottle of baby lotion with the brand logo erased and applied it generously.

...

What did I do?

You want me to confess?

...

...

...Shut up.

Anyway, after a shower that should have been normal but wasn't, it was already close to 10 PM.

The sunset, which was fading when I woke up, was now completely gone, and the night's curtain spread beyond the window, exuding a lazy atmosphere.

Moonlight seeped through the window, enveloping the gray objects, whether dust or sand, that were piled up between the window frames.

The world was dark, but the sky, filled with pollution, was unusually clear tonight, without a single cloud.

I sat on a few tree branches, looking at the plump moon, and thought:

I ate a lot of full moon bread when I was a kid.

I'm hungry.

I picked up my phone to check my bank balance.

Well, not exactly my bank balance.

My bank balance has been 0 for a long time.

Actually, it's been negative for a while.

What's left is the money I poured into Upbit.

Just the coins in there!!!

"Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

If 90,000 won became 40,000 won overnight, anyone would scream like me.

"Fuck you, Ethereum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I don't know who created Ethereum.

But I'm sure they're the biggest piece of shit who stole my money.

You made me angry.

I'll cut my losses with you.

I saved 40,000 won that was definitely going to be lost.

It means I got 40,000 won for free.

So I can spend 40,000 won.

I immediately opened the app and ordered a pizza.

Pizza. Pineapple pizza.

It's really sad that these days, some bastards are reducing the variety of pineapple pizzas.

Some cheap brands don't even sell pineapple pizzas anymore.

So, Miss*Pizza is the best.

Tonight, it's pineapple pizza.

...

...

The pizza arrived really quickly, as expected from a delivery service that does one pizza per person.

When I opened the door, the pizza delivery guy's eyes widened like saucers, and he trembled like a calf with a cold, asking if I could give him my number.

"Uh, I don't have a phone number."

His shoulders, neck, and whole body slumped as he trudged out, glancing back and muttering, "You could have just said you didn't like it..."

Shit. It's true.

Of course, I have a phone, but there's no one to contact, and most importantly, I haven't paid the bill in ages.

Now, using public Wi-Fi to check Upbit is the only purpose of my phone.

Anyway, pizza!

Pineapple pizza has come to me!

Apple pineapple pizza!

I sat in front of the computer with the pizza in hand.

Eating while using the computer is a rule.

There's no need to boot up.

It's not for any grand reason; I just never turn off my computer.

Oh, the Lethe client is flashing.

I clicked it without hesitation.

It was a private message.

[ WorldBest: Hey ]

What's up with this troll?

[ Saint: What's up? ]

[ WorldBest: Why haven't you been streaming lately? ]

He was the only passionate viewer of my Hakko stream.

Not that it was anything special.

He once donated 10,000 won when I was starving.

I bought 10 triangle rice rolls and saved them for days, but on the fifth day, I realized they had all gone bad and cried my eyes out.

Shit, dumbass. I should have bought one each day.

Besides that, he has... helped me a bit,

and since then, I've managed to live a decent life somehow, making some money.

In a way, he's a savior?

A nationally recognized Lethe troll being my savior, my life is truly bizarre.

[ Saint: Viewers say my stream is boring. ]

[ WorldBest: So you quit? ]

[ Saint: Not exactly. ]

[ Saint: I'm not getting any views anyway. ]

[ Saint: And I just get called a prostitute every time I stream. ]

[ WorldBest: A prostitute is better than you. ]

[ WorldBest: At least they make money. ]

This bastard?

[ Saint: ㅡ,.ㅡ;; So what? ]

[ WorldBest: Using that emoticon, kids these days call you a noob. ]

[ Saint: Stop messing with me;; ]

[ WorldBest: Fine. ]

[ WorldBest: I was just asking when you'll stream again. If you quit, never mind. ]

[ Saint: No, I haven't quit. ]

[ WorldBest: If you haven't streamed in a month, it's the same as quitting. ]

[ Saint: I haven't quit, I tell you. ]

[ Saint: Uh, okay, I'll stream. ]

[ WorldBest: ㅇㅋ ]

What's up with this troll?

What does it matter to him whether I stream or not?

I thought while shoving a slice of pizza into my mouth.

Streaming.

I almost quit, but when asked if I had, I felt a bit rebellious.

Since I'm full now, I'll play a game.

I don't interact, so I just leave it on.

Eh, I'll do him a favor.

I'll stream with him. Whatever.

Author's Note (Author's Postscript)

Revised on 11/15 (Censored)