Chapter 4

I admire and envy people who have goals and work hard. I only have the lowly motivation of wanting to be praised.

Ah, but if I ever get praised. What should I do to live my life? Since I’ve never thought of anything other than wanting to be praised, what will happen to me once I get it? I might end up empty.

It’s not just stubbornness or some cute word; even I feel it as an obsession. If I could get praised by Mother and Father. If I could do something praiseworthy, I think I would finally be able to like myself.

I want to be praised, I want to be praised, I want to be told that I’m amazing, that I’m needed.

"Miss, we’ve arrived at the academy."

"…I must have fallen asleep."

Anna’s worried eyes flicker with unease as she looks at me.

"Since you stayed up late again yesterday…"

"Yes… I’ll try to get to bed early today."

Saying this, I ignored Anna, who seemed to want to say something, and got out of the school’s magic car. On my way to the classroom, where I’m admired with sparkling eyes by younger female students… Mainly since the school festival play where I played the prince, some baseless rumors have been spreading. I’ve often thought, “Who is that person?” when I hear about my own rumors.

If it’s true that I was praised by the theater troupe in the capital for my acting talent, I wouldn’t mind. Hehe. But the story that I have a good relationship with my family and that everyone in the Aigrette family praises and loves me is a very painful fabrication for me.

If they knew what I thought when I heard that, they would be disillusioned. So I have no intention of correcting it. I think it’s nice that there’s a “Liliane loved by her family” in their hearts.

The real me is not such a wonderful person. There are also rumors that suitors keep appearing and the duke is busy writing rejection letters, but in reality, I’ve never even been on a date with a boy.

In recent years, political marriages have become outdated, but given the scale of our family, it still seems unnatural that I don’t have a fiancé or a betrothed. After all, my older siblings had someone from a young age. Due to family and work relationships, it’s inevitable to be concerned about whether a match is appropriate.

It’s not like the marriage partner is decided, but rather a process where the children of families deemed appropriate meet several times to find a compatible match. Therefore, it’s common for multiple couples to form from among childhood friends in high-ranking noble families.

Well, I don’t have any. When I was very young, around four or five, I have vague memories of being taken to places with other children my age. I remember playing and chatting happily with a few of them, but I was too young to remember their names or faces.

If the adults had arranged for me to become childhood friends, they would have been from the same faction. I could ask Mother, but it would be awkward for them to be called friends based on such a brief interaction from when I was so young, so I have no intention of doing so.

Before I knew it, the only people I interacted with were my older siblings and Prince Reinhold. When I was young, I didn’t realize that this was not a normal way for a noble girl to spend her time. It wasn’t until I attended my first formal tea party and overheard conversations between others that I realized that normal people have friends of the same age.

I had attended many informal tea parties before my debut, but they were mostly with my family. There were only older siblings present, and I was treated well as an extra, but now I realize that these were tea parties at the homes of my siblings’ friends.

Even if I was lumped in with other children, the closest in age to me was my older brother Alphonse, who was four years older. A four-year age gap is difficult to bridge as equals.

If there had been children my age at the homes I was invited to, I might have made friends, but there weren’t. Some of my siblings’ friends had younger siblings, but for some reason, I was never invited to their homes.

My education by a private tutor eventually included my older siblings, who were called prodigies, and I ended up being taught directly by them. My studies, which are still diverse, left me with no memory of doing anything else except studying, except when I was called by the prince or accompanied my siblings or Mother to tea parties. I remember that studying was fun at the time.

By the time I made my formal debut at tea parties, my social relationships were already largely established.

Of course, I was never treated with disrespect as a daughter of the Aigrette family, and the friends I made after entering the academy are kind to me, but I always feel a step back from the friendships formed in childhood.

The only person I saw regularly from a young age was Prince Reinhold, but we are not as close as the rumors suggest, and I know this better than anyone.

My friends say it’s a date, but as the prince himself said, it’s only a covert inspection of the town and the citizens’ entertainment areas. Most importantly, the prince never even looks at me or smiles when we’re together. His usual smile is a social one.

I’ve only read about dates in novels, but I’m sure they’re not as romantic as that. It’s probably because I was a suitable lady for a covert inspection, someone who doesn’t need obvious guards.

If I’m not a childhood friend, I don’t know what the correct term would be.

When I asked the adults, including Mother and Father, “Why does Prince Reinhold always make me his partner at balls?” they dodged the question and didn’t give me a proper reason. Because there was no one like that around me unless I was a fiancé or a betrothed.

When I was told to think about it myself, I deduced from the engagement relationships and rumors of the royal family and surrounding families at the time that it was “convenient.”

There are no more eligible noble ladies of my age who can marry into the royal family due to factional relationships, and it’s a fact that there is a lady who is a candidate for Prince Reinhold’s fiancée.

From the information I gathered, I believe that lady is the first princess of Nuar, which has been in a tense state for the past five years.

First, I heard from the princess herself that she came to our country when I was ten to arrange her engagement to Prince Reinhold. At that time, Prince Reinhold was eleven, and the princess was twelve. It was five years ago.

However, at that time, anti-royal organizations were repeatedly committing terrorist acts in Nuar, and it was uncertain when a civil war might break out, so the royal engagement was put on hold.

The current Prince Reinhold is working to calm the situation in Nuar, even though he is still a student. He told me that once he achieves results, he will propose and get engaged.

In other words, it’s convenient for me to be his partner at balls until he proposes to the first princess. We are cousins, after all.

The adults must have dodged the question because they were hesitant to tell me the truth. I accepted this explanation.

I can’t explain this delicate international engagement situation to others, so at the academy, I am treated as a “potential fiancée” of Prince Reinhold.

In this setting, it seems that I am kept as a potential fiancée because I am too assertive in various fields, and the prince is tired of me. A noble lady from a family that opposes my father told me this. Hehe, if that’s true, it’s a silly story.

My friend who was there said, “The Duchess of Doris has admired Prince Reinhold since childhood… You shouldn’t mind,” but it’s a bad role to be envied just for standing next to him. I almost blurted out that his beloved is abroad.

…After school today, I will go up to the castle to paint a portrait of my sister, Princess Angelica. Of course, it won’t be finished in one day, so I will be going to the castle regularly for a while. Being directly taught by the famous designer and great artist ‘Angelica’ is something I am often envied for.

But to me, she is just “Sister Angelica.”

So, I have to do my best. I’ll try hard today to get praise from my beloved family, from my sister.