Chapter 9.3

“Aren’t you already checking it?”

Aidan faced Ben’s blue eyes. The pupil’s outspoken display of despair made the viewer’s heart hurt. Ben seemed frustrated again that he couldn’t really feel anything in Aidan’s neck.

“…Do you use Daniel as your food?”

Ben took his hands off Aidan’s neck and said as casually as possible.

“I can’t deny it because he’s offering me some of his blood.”

“Why didn’t you bite him?”

“Do I need to say it?”

His chest became stuffy and choked at the gaze of the cold blue eyes.

Ben smiled at Daniel’s face full of anxiety. Maybe they were on different teams.

“Miller, where is gim?”

“Don’t know. He went around looking for you last night, so he might be sleeping by now.”

Ben opened his eyes wide with a frown, meaning he couldn’t understand well.

“Did you believe that ridiculous tracking phone? You can tell a vampire from the smell, and we can feel a Dhampir through his energy.”

“Ah-”

Ben spat out a groan and flopped against the opposite couch. He felt like he was falling into a deep quagmire again. Daniel’s eyes, who couldn’t act hastily, and Aidan’s eyes, who tried to judge the situation calmly, met and then headed to Ben.

“Don’t do this to me. Check it yourself. It’s about you two. Go kill him, or-”

Aidan stood up from the couch and handed out a memo that he had. Ben stared blankly at the paper and picked it up. He took a look at the address written on the note and raised up slowly.

Before closing the living room door, Ben took a look at Daniel and saw Aidan once.

“I’m going to check it out for now, and this is the last time I’m going to let it slide. I’m going to beat your ass off the next time I see you.”

Ben spat out at Aidan as coolly as he could. Benjamin headed to the place written on the note. If Jonas’ words were true, the idea of killing him first dominated his head.

***

The place where Ben arrived was unexpectedly an ordinary flat. It was a little surprising because he thought Miller would live in a bigger mansion because he looked neat and colorful.

Ben stared at the keyhole that must have been closed and kicked it hard. He thought he would have to kick it a few more times, but the old handle fell with a rattling sound and the door opened. Ben was at a loss for that laxity.

Tears rose as he climbed the stairs of the flat where the sun didn’t go through.

In fact, Ben didn’t need to check Aidan’s neck from the moment he touched him. Nevertheless, he said he would check it because Ben wanted to hear from him that it wasn’t true. He wanted him to deny it even if it was a lie, but now he couldn’t bear hearing even a lie.

Ben blamed himself for his foolishness, he should have checked it. Although that was the only thing he had on his mind, he couldn’t change what was in the past.

Unable to get in, Ben looked around with only the living room door open. He didn’t want to believe what he was seeing.

The flat Ben had arrived at had thick curtains hanging from window to window to prevent any sunlight. It seemed like a space where the concept of time didn’t exist. Unlike Aidan, who lived with humans, there was really no sign of human life on Miller’s flat.

In the middle of the living room, which was no different from an empty house, there was a large coffin of dark maroon made of wood.

What did he want to do when he got there? Ben took another step, ignoring his blurred vision. Standing right in front of the coffin, he hesitated again for a long time. Now it was the moment to cross the river that was really irreversible.

Ben pushed up the lid of the coffin with both hands, and it wasn’t as heavy as he thought.

The last person Ben wanted to see, or vampire, was lying in it. As Aidan said, Miller didn’t move at all, even though the lid was opened, perhaps because he consumed all of his energy last night.

Ben started shaking. The already crushed heart began to complain of pain again. Ben’s tears fell on Miller’s chest. The tears that had fallen began to be heard.

“Arghh-!”

Suffocated, Ben couldn’t bear it anymore and screamed. He couldn’t stand the pain.

He had really liked him. The warm touch, a soft smile, the elegant walk, a fascinating voice, and a neat tone. It was very nice to see that for the first time.

Ben felt a little sorry that he hadn’t expressed it properly because it was his first time. He even thought that it would have been nice if he could have shared his thoughts.

But now, Ben couldn’t believe that Miller was lying under his feet in such terrible shape.

He fell into the abyss. Fear swept over his body with sadness. Ben’s heart was pounding like crazy.

Ben collapsed, grabbed the coffin and cried as he looked at his face, and Miller still didn’t open his eyes. Ben’s heart broke down, and once again the world circled around. He felt like he was left alone.

Clinging to the edge of the coffin, Ben cried endlessly, and he didn’t have the courage to see Miller’s face or stretch out his arms.

Ben stood up and grabbed the knife. He slowly tried to pull the knife out of the sheath, but his hand kept slipping. He had a sore eye from crying since last night.

Ben sniffled loudly and scrubbed his eyes. He could never forgive Miller. It was impossible, Miller betrayed him. Ben wanted to let him know that he couldn’t be easily used as Miller had thought.

Ben knew exactly what he felt when he first saw Miller, and he was right. He should have killed him if he was suspicious.

Ben grabbed the knife with his trembling hand and reached for Miller’s neck.

When the quivering tip of the knife barely reached the tip of Miller’s neck, Ben kept the knife still. If he went for it and killed Miller, it all would be over. As it could be not long after he drank blood, a lot of blood or maybe nothing would come out.

Ben closed his eyes. He looked at the face of the man in front of him once again. He could see the neat face of the man who made him fall in love for the first time in his life.

“Uhh, aaaaaah!”

Impatient, Ben screamed once again. Now, his crushed heart was bleeding, screaming in pieces. The pain had risen once more.

Ben decided his mind and put the knife again. Tears covered his vision, so he couldn’t see Miller’s face properly even though he was so close.

Unable to move for a long time, Ben stood up. He couldn’t stab him. Even though his feelings were false, he had been serious about it.

It was a trivial part of life that might be short for them , but it was a long life for a person, and Miller was a light that had come to his dark life. Even though they couldn’t walk under the hot sun together, he still had meant it.

Ben turned his trembling body and left Miller’s flat. They weren’t in a relationship anymore, they would never meet again. It was clear that the next time Ben met him, either Miller or himself would have to die.

After hesitating for a long time, Miller opened his eyes as the footsteps went away. He wiped the lukewarm liquid on his face with fingertips. He would have been a little less sorry if Ben had killed him, but he never did.

Miller managed the urge to hold him back as Ben was leaving. Miller didn’t know where it started or when it started to go wrong.

The moment the lid of the coffin opened, Miller returned to his senses, but he couldn’t do anything when he found out that it was Ben who opened the lid. The despair Ben felt poured in. Miller couldn’t lift a finger.

He was going to get stabbed if Ben did try to stab him. He had lived long enough to get tired anyway. It was clear that it would not be too bad to die in the hands of someone who made him feel emotional.

Miller sighed loudly and buried his face in his hand.

Miller just felt like he could really live with him at some point. At first, the fact that he was a traitor disappeared into the far corner as the time they spent together became more frequent.

How could he have not been serious about it? Miller saw such a lonely person open his heart only to him.

Miller wiped down the liquid that soaked his face once again. Ben’s tears seemed hot, maybe because it resembled him. Miller was sad again because of the warmth that was different from his cold body temperature.

Miller still didn’t know where to start and how to speak. It was all his fault that this happened in the first place.

I will never see you again. I will never see your playful smile, nor the faint smile that showed that you liked the food more than you thought, nor the empty face talking about your childhood, nor the feeling of wanting to hug every time.

It was clear that all Miller had left was a deeper hatred.

He had to admit it now. Benjamin Edgar was his weakness, like Daniel being Aidan’s.

Of course, it was the biggest, or the first, misfortune Miller had ever felt in his life, as he thought of a Dhampir that way. Miller cursed himself for being born like this for the first time.

***

“Aidan.”

“What?”

“What do you think happened?”

Daniel asked Aidan as he brought coffee to Aiden, who was sitting with his knees up on the living room couch.

“What do you mean?”

“Miller–”

“Hm.”

Aidan didn’t open his mouth and just let out a light sigh.

“Just take a guess, it’s your specialty.”

“Hhm, Dan. How can I guess what will happen with Miller? I don’t even see him.”

“But he is still your brother. You don’t have a single clue?”

Daniel sat on the couch opposite him grumbling and stretched his feet toward Aidan. The toes were on the couch where Aidan was sitting and touched each other. Aidan hesitated at Daniel’s request to say something.

“I guess… Miller won’t have done anything.”

Aidan liked to answer questions, and slowly opened his mouth. As it was his brother, the one he had been with for many years, he began to make speculations, but not deducing.

“How come?”

“He’s not reckless enough to move when he’s not certain about it. The only thing Miller needs is to be 100 percent sure.”

“So what happened this time?”

“Logically, it was 100 percent accurate, but emotion would have ruined his logic.”

When Ben first came to the flat, Aidan was irritated to hear that Ben had visited him, but behind it was interest and curiosity.

It was remarkable to draw such attention to Miller O’Donoughue who wasn’t interested in anyone or anything.

Miller didn’t seem to have noticed his feelings, but Miller must have been the first to do so. Feelings make you feel alive.

“So, what about chief inspector Benjamin?”

“Dan, don’t you know that better than I do? Benjamin might have wanted to kill Miller, but he wouldn’t have ended up killing him.”

Daniel closed his lips tightly. He hated him to death, but also loved him at the same time. Daniel tried to imagine the swamp of emotion but couldn’t reach it. Both the person who betrayed and the person who was betrayed felt so painful.

There were still too many problems in the world that couldn’t be solved just by thinking, whether you have lived for decades or hundreds of years. It was a problem that has remained unchanged from the very long past until now, and it was clear that a clear answer could never be found even in the very distant future.

“What will happen?”

“They’ll never be happy either way.”

“Why?”

Daniel asked, but Aidan didn’t seem to be willing to answer this time. If Ben died in the Holy Land as Miller planned in the first place, Miller would miss Ben and blame himself for the rest of his years, and he didn’t know how much he had left.

The other possibility, if Ben killed Miller, Ben would not be able to endure the remaining time he had after that.

“…More than that, I’m curious about Jonas. Now that he has pushed Miller to this point, I’ll probably be the next, and I don’t want to admit it, but he knows for sure that you’re my weakness.”

Aiden touched his chin and said seriously.

Daniel, who was looking at Aidan’s eyes, trembled in the cold air. It was an ominously silent night.

Only chapter 10 left! So about 20 pages and I’m done with this novel. There are 2 extra chapters, though. I almost cried reading the state Ben was in;;