V2C4

Translator: Anne Noh

Shu Nian went to the door and walked out hurriedly. He kept on walking forward hastily, as if his brain would stop working if he kept on moving his body. Hence, he wouldn't think about anything.

He wouldn't think about that man who had slapped him mercilessly and accused him of being a "slut."

He wouldn't think about last night when he kept on calling that man's name in his heart as he was jerking in pain.

He wouldn't think about that man who he had been dedicated to for more than a decade.

He wouldn't think about the desire he began to stealthily harbor when they were young.

He wouldn't think about that man who had treated him with a little bit of kindness and ambiguousness for more than a decade.

He wouldn't think about the brief false happiness that man gave him when he was held for the first time.

He wouldn't think about his face that was pinched mercilessly when he met that man for the first time.

He wouldn't think about that man's dazzling face he had firmly traced with his eyes on that afternoon.

It looked like all the memories about that man kept on resurging throughout the journey. From the present up to the past and from the end up to the beginning, all of it kept on resurging a little by little.

Therefore, Shu Nian wouldn't be in delusion anymore and wouldn't have anything to worry about.

"Xiao Nian..."

For a man of his age, he was like a child who had earnestly long for love. He was really stupid.

Say it out loud and it will be laughed by others.

"Xiao Nian..."

This heart had already been wretched just now hence it should completely behave and know its place.

"Xiao Nian!"

A pair of hand firmly held Shu Nian from behind. Shu Nian suddenly felt as if he was roused from a stupor and came to halt. The thought of being held by Xie Yan made him instantly fell into a trance for a while, and it made his heart raced uncontrollably.

"Xiao Nian..."

Could it be...

Maybe that's...

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry. It was my fault. Don't be like this..."

"...I knew I was wrong, but I couldn't control it..."

"I like you..."

It was just like a dream.

Those words, if it was really coming out from Xie Yan's mouth,

Then, he was willing to die.

Shu Nian laughed at himself. His eyes were slightly glistening.

The person behind Shu Nian was still holding him firmly, as if he was scared that Shu Nian might ran away: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry...You can blame me all you want, it doesn't matter if you want to hit me or curse me, but please don't leave me..."

It was Ke Luo.

Of course, it could only be Ke Luo.

The person who would chase after him and depend on him.

"I'm sorry...I like you..."

Shu Nian stood still. He didn't have the will to struggle nor did he respond.

"I like you...I really like you...Don't be like this...I beg you...Can you please look at me?"

"...I like you...I just want you...I really can't live without you...I like you...Don't ignore me. Can you please say something? I like you...I'll chase after you no matter where you go...I like you..."

Shu Nian felt sad when the young man kept on telling him while weeping. He stared blankly for quite a while and a vague "ah" came out from his throat.

Ke Luo almost broke Shu Nian with his forceful hug as he used all his strength to desperately hold him so that Shu Nian couldn't move. Shu Nian felt his shoulder was quite damp as Ke Luo tried to persuade him tenderly. Shu Nian's consciousness was becoming more lax, and finally he decided to close his eyes.

"Xiao Nian, are you feeling a little bit better today?"

Shu Nian didn't know why Ke Luo began to call him "Xiao Nian". That intimate way of calling him would always made him have an illusion as if the person who was talking to him was that man. However, when he opened his eyes, the handsome face in front of him was Ke Luo's.

Shu Nian lay in bed for several days. He slept on Ke Luo's bed and let Ke Luo meticulously took care of him. Shu Nian was extremely uncomfortable and he hoped that his illness would get better soon so that he didn't need to stay at Ke Luo's house anymore. Unfortunately, his body ignored his hope as his high fever didn't go down and his body temperature kept on changing all day long. It weakened Shu Nian and Ke Luo could only give him medicines, brought meals three times a day to bed and watched as Shu Nian only ate just a little bit of it. He also helped to wipe Shu Nian with wet towel and he kept on caressing Shu Nian's face when he fell asleep.

The apparent desire in Ke Luo's fierce eyes made Shu Nian felt very uncomfortable. Although Ke Luo's gentle and loving caresses were mostly on Shu Nian's neck, but he was still unable to control the tremors on his body even though he tried his best to pretend to be asleep.

Ke Luo very solemnly assured Shu Nian repeatedly that he would never force him again, but he also stubbornly stated that he would never give up on Shu Nian.

What was good about an old man like him?

"I bought [1] fish porridge. Do you want to have a taste? It is very delicious but I felt it was too light, so I also bought a lot of other things. Just take a look at what you want to eat."

[T/N: [1] Refer to the picture below.]

Shu Nian didn't know how long he was struggling in a nightmare. His head was aching. He opened his eyes, weakly sat up and took the porridge. He smiled gentle at Ke Luo.

He should forget about that night. After all, Ke Luo as still a child...He was naive sometimes, and he shouldn't be blamed.

That time...it was just a momentary impulse.

"It is still very painful?" Ke Luo's slender and cold fingers pushed aside Shu Nian's sweaty hair, his palm was pressed against Shu Nian's forehead to check the temperature, "I'll call a doctor to take a look at you, okay?"

"No need," Shu Nian shook his head as if he was shaking off the illness. He only need some time, it would be better in a few days.

Ke Luo thought that Shu Nian no longer resisted hence he sat down next to Shu Nian and watched intently as Shu Nian ate the porridge slowly.

Although Shu Nian was used to being stared by Ke Luo, but it was always uncomfortable being stared at while eating. He hurriedly ate a few mouthfuls before putting down the spoon and called it a day as he was afraid of making Ke Luo worried. He slightly lowered his head as he slowly stirred the porridge.

Suddenly the corner of his mouth felt hot. Without thinking, Ke Luo wiped Shu Nian's lip with his thumb.

"There was something on your lip." A gentle smile bloomed on Ke Luo's attractive face. The passion in his eyes couldn't be concealed.

Shu Nian went rigid. He really couldn't eat anything in that kind of situation.

"Don't want to eat anymore?"

"Uh...Yes...I'm a bit sleepy..."

Shu Nian covered the porridge and put it down. His face turned slight red. It was probably because of his old age, and he didn't know what to do and respond to the young man's blazing youthful affection.

"It is not good too sleep too much. I'll open the window to let you have some fresh air."

The thick curtain was opened in order to let Shu Nian have a good rest. The previously dimmed room suddenly became bright. Shu Nian was quite surprised: "What time is it now?"

"It's still early. Therefore you can't go back to sleep yet..."

"Then how come you came back so early? Did you skip your classes?!"

Ke Luo suddenly turned red. He was caught red-handed. He embarrassedly bit his lips and took out his hands that were in his pocket. He was ill at ease: "I don't feel good to leave you alone at home..."

"What are you worried about?! It was nothing serious!" Shu Nian was angry. He felt like any father of entrance examination student in the whole world, "Stop finding excuse to skip class! Entrance exam is coming. Still don't want to study? Still didn't quickly go back to school?! Do you want to make me mad?!"

"I don't." Ke Luo scrunched his brow, pursed his lips and went back to sit at the bedside.

"Won't you go?" If he could stand up, Shu Nian would certainly be like those fathers who catch their sons skipping class and angrily dragged Ke Luo to school by his collar.

"I don't want to go."

Shu Nian immediately became angry: "You, you..."

"I don't want to go," Ke Luo slightly scrunched his brow, and bit his lip, "I'm afraid you won't be here...when I come back."

"......"

"You've always wanted to leave, right?"

"......"

"I know you don't like me...but...I want you."

Shu Nian heard a 'thump' echoed in his head as if he had bumped into a wall. He swallowed his saliva and looked helplessly at Ke Luo's face that was right in front of his eyes.

"I won't let you go," Ke Luo was acting shameless like he was being wronged and his tone was very rough, "I would rather you...never get better. You can stay here every day, I will take care of you...no one can touch you except of me... "

Shu Nian really couldn't move away, and he didn't have the strength to push Ke Luo. He could only remain stiff as the warm lip began to kiss him. He was firmly held by Ke Luo and his wondering hands rubbed against Shu Nian for quite a while as he boldly held Shu Nian.

They looked at each other for a while, and then Ke Luo cupped Shu Nian's face and apologized: "I'm sorry..."

Although their lips were only touched in a feathery kiss, but Shu Nian knew his face must have been very unsightly because it contorted in discomfort.

"Sorry..." The young man pasted his lip to Shu Nian's lip and whispered lowly, "I couldn't control myself...I won't force you. For sure..."

That night, Shu Nian was lying down but he couldn't sleep.

For many days, he never remained awake at that time. It was the first time it happened and it probably because of the discomfort in his stomach.

Shu Nian ate medicines just before going to bed and he felt nauseous and involuntarily spat it out. Fortunately Ke Luo didn't see it.

Taking medicines didn't help him at all. He had taken it for so many days, but it still didn't show any effect.

Ke Luo was having a light sleep on the sofa as he was wrapped in a blanket at the living room at that time.

Ke Luo was extremely good to him.

But was it love? Ke Luo was so dedicated to him. However, it was because of the lack of love from others and he just wanted some warmth from him. Ke Luo was still too young and asnt clear of the subtle boundary between feelings. For him to do all those things to Shu Nian, it was only because of impulse and childish temperament...

Suddenly, the faint sound of the door being pushed open brought him back from his reverie.

It was obvious that the door was opened by Ke Luo. Shu Nian hurriedly closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep to avoid being nagged by the young man.

Light cautious footsteps stopped at the bedside and remained quiet for a while until a hand went to Shu Nian's face.

Shu Nian didn't move and continued to pretend to be asleep.

The caressing continued for a while until the hand halt and the sound of Ke Luo sighing could be heard clearly.

"Why can't you love me? Could it be because you think I'm too young? Or because I am a man? But I will treat you very well...Better than anyone else...Really...I've grown up...I will give you anything you want...Therefore, can you please love me?"

Remained silence for a while, Shu Nian felt Ke Luo quietly pried opened the blanket to come into the bed and then hugged him.

"Now is five hours before dawn...There are still more hours more, I can hold you for another five hours...I feel very happy every day at this time..." It sounded crazy, "Why are you so afraid of me... I won't do anything to you. That was my fault...I want to hold you just like now...But, you won't let me hold you, right? Why are you being like this?...I really like you..."

"Every day when I come back from school, I'm so afraid to open the door only to see that you are not in the bed...luckily you are still here...I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to slip in a sleeping pill in your medicines...But I'm really afraid you will take advantage of my absence to run away...I couldn't live without you...I like you...You won't understand, I really like you..."

"I really hope that your illness won't get better...That way you can stay here every day and I will take care of you...You will never leave me, and no one else can touch you...I'm sorry, I also know that this is too much. It was very unpleasant to fall sick...But if you leave me, I will be even worse than your state right now...This fool, why don't you understand how much I love you..." The young man complained sadly.

Then, it was followed by the familiar soft and hot touch on his lip. Shu Nian was caught off guard and turned stiff. Ke Luo who was kissing Shu Nian passionately became shocked, and abruptly loosened his hands. He became speechless for quite a while: "You...you are not asleep?"

"Ah..." At that time, it was hard to determine who was in a much more awkward situation.

"I'm sorry..." Sound of weeping could be heard, "Don't get angry...I, I really couldn't control it...I want to hold you..."

Fortunately, they couldn't see each other in the dark. Otherwise Shu Nian really wouldn't know how to face Ke Luo.

The arms around his waist tightened. Shu Nian felt the young man's slender but strong body pressed against him. Shu Nian hurriedly tried to push him: "No, you..."

"Just a peck...just one peck...okay?"

Shu Nian maintained the refusal posture, but at the end he didn't heave heart to push Ke Luo away.

The lip landed on Shu Nian's forehead first, and then it slowly went down, little by little. Then, his eyebrows were kissed lovingly, followed by his eyes. It was meticulous as to not miss even the slightest patch of skin and he kept on kissing him slowly and passionately. Finally, Ke Luo reached Shu Nian's lip. The frenzied sucking on his lip made Shu Nian felt like he was being swallowed down. Shu Nian's mouth was pried open and Ke Luo's tongue probed into his mouth and entangled with his as it invaded deeper. His hands that were resting on Shu Nian's waist firmly caressed him and pulled him tightly against the young man's passionate body.

The strong passion and erection that was pocking at his lower abdomen made Shu Nian tensed up. However, he could only slightly open his lip passively so that Ke Luo could French kiss him. Shu Nian was covered in cold sweat as he waited for the fervent kiss to end.

Ke Luo restrained himself and let go of Shu Nian's lip. He was gasping slightly, but refused to let Shu Nian go as he was still holding his waist: "Can you let me hold you to sleep? I won't do anything...I'll be fine if you let me hold you...Will that be okay?"

The cautious tone made Shu Nian's heart burst in pain.

Shu Nian used to be troubled with love like Ke Luo and he didn't want Ke Luo to go through the same life he had. He hoped Ke Luo would receive the happiness that he didn't dare to imagine. He hoped Ke Luo would do his best...

Perhaps...He could give Ke Luo happiness...Maybe... it would be enough as long as he suffered alone?

Shu Nian closed his eyes.

[1] Fish porridge — in case any of you didn't know what is fish porridge. Porridge made with fish fillet. It is very nutritious and delicious. Definitely my ultimate food. It can also be cooked for babies but the fish must be cut extra small.

Anne's Rant:

As much as I love Shu Nian, I must admit that he is so damn stupid for someone who is suppose to be 30 years old.

About the 'virginity' word used in the previous chapter (chapter 3),treat it as 'being loyal and have sex with only one person'. After checking the Chinese text twice, it's either she has forgotten about the london fiasco or it was a typo. Please keep in mind that the novel was posted online first BEFORE it was published. Hence, mistakes are bound to happen.

Please note that some part might be incorrect as I don't know how to translate it to English. Mistakes are bound to happen and corrections are very welcome.