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Xie Zhi An felt that Fu Yuan was pleasing to the eyes, and involuntarily grew an inclination to be more closer.

In the course of being together, the two people grew to know each other well. One night, when Xie Zhi An again was sitting on the eaves drinking wine, he discovered the other person had also come up and sat by his side. He held up his own cup of plum wine and swayed it a few times, “You want to try it?”

Fu Yuan held Xie Zhi An’s hand and drank a sip of the wine, and smiled while the other person was dumbfoundedly staring at himself, “It’s not bad.”

While propping up his head, Xie Zhi An lowly laughed, then lifted his head up to look at the darkness, “Fu xiao Yuan, do you have anything in particular you want to do?”

The other person only stayed silent for a long time, then said to Xie Zhi An, “I want to go around these mountains and rivers for that person, and help him see all the great scenery.”

He only heard about the other person from Fu Yuan, but he didn’t know where or what the other person was to be so blessed- he was a bit jealous inside, but his face remained the same as ever, not apparent, “What kind of person is she to you? I can see you look to miss her.”

He heard the other person gently laughing, “Ah, he[1]– he is my lover.”

His heart dropped with a thud, and Xie Zhi An could only awkwardly laugh. In this moment, it was like he lost all control of his facial expression. He let out a few fake laughs, and in the end, extended his arm to obstruct the view above his eyes, and did not let the other person read his heart, “Fu xiao Yuan, I forgot to tell you- next month, I will be getting married to my senior sister.”

“They all said that me and my senior sister were originally a match made in heaven. Before, we were also a celestial couple other people would be envious of. My senior sister’s age grows more by the year- I also don’t know when I can recover my memories, I cannot let her wait for me for so long.”

“I originally thought if there would be a day I could go with you out travelling, but seeing today, it looks like it can’t be done.”

Fu Yuan looked at him for a while, and in the end, smiled and told him, “It’s no problem, there will always be an opportunity.”

That night, Fu Yuan left a bit earlier than usual. Xie Zhi An laid down on the roof tiles by himself, and gazed at the vast sea of stars, and only snorted in the end.

How would there be a opportunity- there would not be another again.

Xie Zhi An, Xie Zhi An, what are you deluding yourself with- he had never belonged to you.

Today when Father betrothed his senior sister to him, he had still hesitated whether or not he should be with the lover that overs said was his lover. But just now when he asked Fu Yuan, the moment he obtained the answer, unexpectedly, that nervousness had loosened up in an instant, and even felt a bit dissipated.

He himself didn’t even know what it was that he was expected, but he knew- the result had let him make a decision in the end.

What wasn’t his, in the end, would still not be his.

Ever since that day, Xie Zhi An had not seen Fu Yuan again. On the day before marriage, there was an extra marriage garment inside his house. He sat by the side, finely ran through the dark lines on top with his fingers, and in the end, felt like changing into that one.

At the time of marriage, the Doctors’ Valley was much more lively than usual- people from various clans came, and smiled while cupping their hands saying how he and his senior sister were a match made in heaven. He blankly looked on the coming and going people as well as the blanket of red in the Doctors’ Valley, and felt it to be familiar yet a bit strange, and even a bit defying.

Noticing his irregularity, his father pushed him a bit, and had him hurriedly go inside.

He stiffly went through with the ceremony, and drank the wine. Everyone pushed him to enter the bridal chamber, and under the noisy instigation, he lifted his senior sister’s veil.

The face was like a peach blossom[2], the pair of eyes contained shyness- it was like a painting of an exceedingly beautiful woman.

Everyone chattered on about how he had good fortune in love, but Xie Zhi An could only laugh in a strained manner.

He did not come, I see…….

In the impatient atmosphere where everyone bantered him on, he convinced everyone to go out. Xie Zhi An stood by the table, and lightly spoke, “Although others would say you and I are a match made in heaven, I only have feelings of respect for Senior Sister, and do not have a single thought that is between a man and a woman.

“This trace of happiness that I don’t have, perhaps is due to the reason I have forgotten. I don’t know when I will be able to remember it again. The years for a woman are the most wonderful- I don’t want to hold you up, and go along with my father’s words and marry you.”

Seeing his senior sister’s deathly pale face, Xie Zhi An cruelly spoke, “Senior sister, the realization of a wife and husband- if you can wait until I can remember, or if I grow to love you, then we’ll talk again.”

After finishing, he looked for a quilt to spread on the side. On the night of a newlywed, it was not good to toss aside the partner to keep watch of a empty room, but he could also not sleep in the same area as his senior sister.

This night, he was very clear-headed. He didn’t know if it was due to having another person in the room, or if the poison in his body had gotten stronger- each and every moment, there was a minute prickling that would seep into his bones.

Even if his father did not say anything, he himself knew- this poison could not have been obtained by accidentally eating a poisonous grass. As for why it spread, it seemed to not be as important any more. Doctors could not heal themselves. Even if his days were numbered, he himself did not have a single way either.

How nice, he did not make the resolution to travel the country with Fu Yuan- if in the midst of it, his poison had caused him to die, he would be by himself, and be lonely again, right?

But after thinking and thinking, Xie Zhi An laughed at himself.

What was he thinking- that person’s heart had already belonged to someone else long ago. For a heart that was stuffed full, how could it be lonely?

But why was it that he felt it a bit hard to breathe then?

On the second day, when he followed his senior sister to buy some returning gifts, he ran into a familiar-looking man on the road- someone that once seen would never be forgotten, but Xie Zhi An could not recall who it was. The other person looked at himself for a long time, and in the end, said in a small voice,

“Remuneration will soon come.”

He watched the back of the other person leaving, and just as he wanted to call out to them, his senior sister instead came out of the store and pulled on his hand, and had no choice but only give up.

His senior sister’s maiden family was beyond the wall. He wanted to say his farewells to Fu Yuan, but the other person did not show up all this time. He did not know how to face him, and in the very end, when he was about to exit the city, he did not manage to see the other person, and could not even say a single goodbye.

About ten days or half a month while returning, on the road, Xie Zhi An overheard that in the vicinity there was a demonic cult that was wiped out by the right sect, and it was not known whether the leader of that demonic cult was dead or alive. It was reckoned that the demon head’s corpse and bones were taken away by wolves off somewhere.

He did not know why he himself felt so nervous, and was insistent on getting off the carriage. But once he got down, he faced another blank, and did not know where he wanted to go. But he just wanted to walk off, and go to a place, that place that would be hazy as though in a dream.

The newly-wed wife on the carriage had also gotten off, and pulled his hand gently asking, “Husband, what’s the matter?”

He shook his head, and in the end, only stayed silent, and went back together with his senior back on the carriage.

He did not even know where he wanted to go, even what was wrong with him, he did not even know. This fear of the unknown had him feeling afraid, and even a bit unable to tolerate it.

He had only felt that demonic cult shouldn’t have been eradicated, that the demon head seemed not to be that demon head.

Listening to the footman mention how on the day the demon head was killed, everyone was clapping their hands and cheering, how the normal people around who were oppressed were so happy, and even felt that he deserved to be killed, his heart would feel a bit hurt.

It seemed that he was feeling sorry for that demon head, and felt that that demon head was not as bad as other people would say.

However, he had never seen that demon head……

[1] Remember that he/she/it are all the same tone/sound and is indistinguishable in oral speech.

[2] Meaning, bright and beautiful like peach blossoms, smooth and clean- a hint of red within the whiteness.

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