Chapter 3

### Chapter 3: Farewell, Memories (2)

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#3

"Will you go out with me?"

The person who suddenly appeared...

She was a beauty, a girl whose dark hair, like black lacquer, flowed down to her waist, someone who would make anyone stop to admire her.

At the same time, she introduced herself as a librarian at the academy.

Of course, not a librarian who also taught, but a member of the library management department.

Was there such a girl in the library management department?

I had no idea.

I never felt the need to remember the faces of the librarians who checked out books. I always used the library's computer system to find the books I needed...

But she seemed to know me well.

Even though she should have only seen me in the library, she knew me too well, which was strange.

“...”

In a secluded corner of the courtyard behind the main building.

She suddenly appeared in my secret spot where I always hid to eat my lunch and confessed.

...How did she know? Was she a stalker?

I put that thought aside for a moment. I was facing a charm that no man could resist.

She was breathtakingly beautiful, with a magnetism that seemed to draw everyone's gaze. She was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen, hard to rank among the best.

Ah, the top spot was naturally my childhood friend.

The decisive reason why it was hard to rank her was that her aura was completely opposite to that of my childhood friend.

Her well-maintained, jet-black hair was neatly tied, and her expression was calm and intellectual.

At the same time, there was something innocent about her, perhaps due to her inscrutable, expressionless face.

Her skin was so pale it seemed she had never been exposed to sunlight, and it was spotlessly transparent and clear, complementing her mysterious purple eyes, giving her an aura of noble purity.

Her slender figure, outlined by the academy uniform, was delicate and graceful, and her legs, the only part of her skin exposed, were smooth and elegant.

Such a fairy-like girl had suddenly confessed to me, a mere goblin.

It was a moment that could easily be ranked as the luckiest in my life, beyond mere luck, almost a miracle.

So, I...

“...”

To be honest, I didn't think anything of it.

It must be a punishment.

A prank because I looked easy to fool.

She must have been threatened by someone.

No matter what I assumed, the fact that her confession was forced was undeniable.

“...?”

When I didn't react, she tilted her head slightly, causing her hair to sway.

I swallowed the bacon I had been chewing and said, “Let's count this as a confession and go back to your friends. I can't show the reaction you expected here. I'm just not an interesting person.”

“...”

After saying that, I ignored her.

I was a bit surprised, but once I regained my composure, I calmed down. She would lose interest in me soon and leave. I continued eating my lunch with my head down.

A little while later.

A faint voice came from in front of me.

“It's not a punishment.”

“...”

She continued muttering when I didn't respond.

“I really like you.”

...What a load of nonsense.

“I mustered up the courage.”

To perform a punishment in front of friends, you need the courage to endure embarrassment.

“...It seems you won't believe me even if I explain.”

Of course, that's true.

There's no way a girl could like me.

Even if I piled assumption upon assumption and it turned out to be real, I knew myself best. I could be called a master of self-objectification.

At that time, I was so used to failing at everything I did that I was stuck in a negative mindset, thinking that trying something new wouldn't go well.

This wasn't limited to one area; it permeated my entire consciousness.

The same went for relationships.

I had no idea what she expected from me, but I couldn't give her the satisfaction she imagined.

“Alright, then...”

“Then, I'll come again tomorrow.”

“...Huh?”

The girl, who had been squatting, brushed off her knees, stood up, and left, leaving those words behind. Her sudden departure was just as abrupt as her arrival.

“...Huh.”

What was with her?

I felt as if I had been possessed by a spirit.

After finishing my meal and gulping down water, I completely erased the memory of the strange girl from my mind.

I spent the rest of my lunch break in the library as usual.

I had no books to return or borrow, and I was almost done with the history book I had been reading.

I intended to finish the remaining pages today.

However.

“...”

In the academy library, the few students present were all focused on one spot.

To be precise, they were glancing at the edge of the library, pretending to read or choose books.

There, a girl with jet-black hair was sitting at a desk, her chin resting on her hand, staring intently at something.

The male students were secretly watching her from a distance, unable to resist her captivating beauty.

After observing for a while, they noticed that the girl's gaze was fixed on one spot.

A sticky, unwavering gaze that had been fixed there for a long time.

The gazes of the people who had been secretly watching her naturally followed hers to see what she was looking at.

“...”

That's how everyone in the library ended up staring at me.

“...Ahem.”

Save me.

I can't concentrate.

I only have ten pages left, but I can't finish them.

I don't know why she's doing this to me.

The girl who had confessed to me earlier had been staring at me since she entered the library.

Except when checking out books, she had been staring at me continuously.

Continuously.

Without a break.

It was as if she could shoot laser beams from her eyes.

...Has she been staring at me with such intensity every time I read in the library?

That doesn't seem likely.

If so, I would have noticed it long ago.

The current oppressive atmosphere...

I can't handle it, given my personality. The gradually increasing gazes on me are unbearably burdensome.

My head bowed lower and lower, like a ripe ear of rice.

I was about to bury my nose in the paper.

Is she retaliating because I didn't let her perform her punishment properly?

Is it because her silly prank failed?

No.

It's not revenge or anything... It's pure malice.

In the end, I only managed to read five more pages in about an hour, closed the book, and left the library, ignoring her who kept staring at me.

The next day.

Lunchtime.

“Will you go out with me?”

“...”

She really came.

And she's confessing again.

Or is it a threat.

From her intense gaze, I can feel a strong will: if I don't go out with her, she will continue to torment me like this.

It was a significant psychological blow to me. Receiving so much attention makes my nerves overwork and I feel like I'm about to explode.

Why are you doing this to me, damn it.

“During lunchtime, after-school activities, and until the library closes, I manage the library every day. I've seen you every day, so I've been watching you every day.”

“...”

“Since we'll continue to see each other, wouldn't it be better if we went out?”

I don't think it would be better.

If that happens, she'll look at me even more. Maybe she'll stare at me from a closer distance. No, it might not end with just looking.

Then I won't be able to sit in that library anymore...

I don't even know who she is.

I can only confirm that she's a new student from the color of the badge on her uniform.

The name engraved in white on the badge is quite unique, but it's not particularly important information.

“Um, that... junior.”

I finally spoke, sighing.

“Yes, Elio-senpai.”

“What do you mean by 'go out with me'?”

Though it might be a bit rude to think this.

She seems a bit strange.

So I asked if she really understood what it meant to go out with someone and what it meant to like someone.

To my surprise, I got a normal response.

“Well, don't you mean to become lovers who like each other?”

“...That's not wrong, but... Do you like me, so you want to go out with me?”

“Huh? If not, why would I confess?”

She looked at me as if I had asked a strange question. Her expression barely changed, with only a slight narrowing of her eyebrows.

“...”

You like me...

That's quite a surprising thing.

A beautiful and young new junior who can capture the attention of all the male students likes a lonely, isolated senior who doesn't fit in with the class.

This is almost a miracle.

I want to ask God to make it more plausible.

I didn't think it was necessary to ask her why she liked me, so I said without looking at her.

“If you're serious, I'm sorry.”

“...Why?”

Her counter-question came a bit late.

“I'm extremely grateful and happy, but... I don't know. I don't want to go out with anyone, and I don't feel lonely just living like this. I'm satisfied with my current life, and most importantly... I don't have the time.”

I need to aim higher.

I can't afford to stop training for a moment.

At the academy, I listen to classes with all my effort, study thoroughly with repeated previews and reviews, visit the library in my free time, and when the doors close, I go home and do strength and endurance training until I collapse from exhaustion. I wake up, do a light morning exercise, and go to the academy.

I can't afford to have any gaps in this tight schedule. To be precise, I can't bear them.

If there are gaps, regrets and self-loathing will flood my mind.

To avoid repeating such mistakes, I decided not to create any more gaps in my life.

“So, I can't go out with you. I'm sorry.”

“...”

She didn't say anything.

If she really liked me, I must have hurt her. I feel sorry about it.

However, if I let my emotions deepen, the memory of that day would overlap, and I would have to forcibly shake off the guilt.

What expression does she have now after being rejected? I could only see her white legs since then.

“Elio-senpai.”

Her voice came from above my head.

I responded.

“Yeah.”

“Do you... dislike me?”

There's no reason to dislike you.

“Yeah.”

“And you don't like me either.”

If I had to choose, I would lean more towards the former, but it would be a different emotion, as someone once said. I thought she was cute and pretty.

“Right.”

Her voice came in response to my affirmation.

“Then, I'll make you like me.”

“...Huh?”

Is that how it works?

I lost my words and suddenly looked up.

Her delicate lower eyelashes weren't wet with tears, and she wasn't forcing a smile like I used to.

Her pink lips were tightly pressed, and her face was determined.

“Senpai.”

“...Yeah.”

Pressed by some indescribable spirit, I shrank and responded.

“Let's pretend this confession never happened.”

“...What?”

What is she saying now?

She pleaded with me in a begging tone.

“Just once. No more, no less, just once. I want to pretend that I didn't get rejected by you today.”

“But how can I pretend something that already happened didn't...”

“If you allow it, I can.”

Her expression was so earnest that I almost believed her.

At this point, I became curious about her motives.

“...What are you trying to do by doing this? I already told you, no matter what you do, I don't have the time to go out with anyone...”

She cut me off with a firm voice.

“How can someone live by just working? Sometimes, you need a break. It's okay to worry that you might have a gap, but I'll fill it for you. You don't need to think about anything else.”

“...”

“Most importantly, I've known you for a while, and it bothers me that you didn't know me. It's... unfair. We've met a few times, but you didn't remember any of them...”

I felt a bit awkward and said, “...I'm sorry. I didn't have the time to pay attention to other things.”

She shook her head.

“I understand. So, from now on, I'll make you aware of me. I'll make you worry about me all day if I'm not in the library.”

“...”

“Then, I'll confess to you again.”

What can I say.

She was so desperate that I couldn't understand.

She was trying to force a connection I didn't want.

She was trying to assert her presence in the narrowest of gaps.

Even though she knew it might harm the other person.

“I hope... you'll accept me then. We can become real lovers who like each other, a relationship where neither of us feels insecure.”

With the belief that she would achieve what she wanted.

“I think... both of us will be happy. So, please, let's pretend this never happened, senpai.”

I made a choice opposite to the one I would have made if I had given up long ago.

“...”

There's no more forceful than this.

She confessed on a whim, retracted it on a whim, and now declared she would interfere directly in my life.

She was thinking only of herself. Her confident tone suggested she was certain I would accept her.

Her selfish intentions wouldn't come true.

What she offered was unnecessary to me.

But why...

“...Try your best. I doubt it will work.”

“...!”

She naturally lowered her gaze, hiding her slight heartbeat, and revealed an uncertain rejection.

“...Thank you, senpai.”

She smiled happily as if that was enough.

I couldn't meet her eyes and fidgeted with the bacon, waiting for her to leave.

A little while later.

“...!”

“Your lunch looks delicious. Can I have one?”

Instead of leaving, she squeezed into the narrow space, pressed her shoulder against mine, and chattered.

A new kind of fragrant flower scent. A fresh, slightly sweet grassy aroma wafted over.

I stiffened and couldn't chase her away.

“...Eat your own. Haven't you eaten?”

“I'm on a diet.”

“But why are you trying to eat mine?”

“I think a little bit is okay.”

“...No. It's one serving.”

“Senpai, you're being petty.”

“What?”

“Don't be and give me one. Ah.”

She closed her eyes and opened her mouth like a baby bird.

I was speechless and embarrassed by the act of putting food in someone's mouth, so I continued eating my rice silently with a fork.

“...Nom.”

The girl, who had been squinting, moved her head and quickly snatched the bacon I was about to put in my mouth.

Her soft hair tickled my nose as I was about to put it in my mouth.

“Mmm, delicious.”

I was speechless and frozen like a statue, and she smiled slyly.

“After all, it's more delicious to steal it directly than to just accept it.”

“...”

A little while later.

When I tried to close my lunch box and stand up, she apologized, grabbed the hem of my uniform, and eventually made me sit down next to her again.

This was the starting point with my ex-girlfriend.

I still regret not firmly rejecting her at that time.

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