Chapter 15

Parsed with an automated reader. The content accuracy is not guranteed.

Warning: NSFW

“Gao Yu, wake up and teach me how to use the internet!”

“I’m tired. Can you let me sleep for a bit?”

“Come on, get up. Oh right, we can watch porn on the internet, right?”

“What did you just say?”

“Haha, don’t tell me you don’t want to. You’ve probably watched your fair share of them in secret!”

“…”

When Xiao Chuan came back, I’d already started at my new workplace. It wasn’t a leisurely job, but at least I didn’t have to punch in and out every day. When we had things to do, the office was usually busy and chaotic. When we didn’t have things to do, I could show up late and leave early. My daily duties consisted of writing manuscripts and doing the occasional interview. The agency stopped accepting manuscripts after 3 PM, so any time after that was personal time.

I didn’t see Li Weisen much anymore. He started ignoring me after what had happened last time. In front of others, we still acted close and talkative, but when we were out of sight from everybody else, we didn’t have anything to say to each other.

The day Xiao Chuan came back, everybody went to the station to welcome him back. Like last time, he came back together with his girlfriend. They were both an only child, so their family had put pressure on them to come back and find a job here. In response, Xiao Chuan said, “I don’t have any objections. I can’t leave you guys alone anyways.”

His family had already settled a job for him; it was in the same department as his dad’s. His college degree had nothing to do with his job, but he didn’t go against his parents’ wishes. Being an office-bearer was the first step his dad had laid down for him in his future career. He really wasn’t suited for politics with his personality, but what could he do as his dad’s only precious son?

Taking advantage of what little time he had before he officially started his job, Xiao Chuan dragged us around the city. We hopped from one entertainment venue to another, exploring all the bars, clubs, tea houses available to us, and stopping at a few popular sports facilities along the way as well. High class facilities and common hangouts, we tried them all. Despite all the sights we’d seen, we were still partial to that small diner we frequented in the past. That place still felt the best to us. The owner was still the middle-aged man from before. Even after all these years, he still knew us by name.

“Hey, isn’t this Xiao Chuan? And you, Gao Yu! And that dark fellow over there, you’re Li Weisen, right?”

“Your memory’s great!” Xiao Chuan smiled and slapped an arm around the owner’s shoulders. “We’ve missed you!”

“Haha, just for that, everything’s on the house today!”

“Thanks a lot! But we’ll save that meal for later. When we are penniless in the future, we’ll come asking you for that meal!”

“If that’s how you want to put it, then I won’t have the chance to treat you guys at all. You all will surely make it big in the future!”

The atmosphere between us made it seem as if we had returned to the past. Xiao Chuan was the thread connecting Li Weisen and me, binding us together tightly. Many times, Xiao Chuan didn’t bring his girlfriend along on our trips in the city. He didn’t allow Li Weisen to bring his either. He said our trips were “man’s talk” that only belonged to us. Truly, the laughter and conversations we had about anything and everything made me happy. I temporarily forgot my worries: work, sexual orientation, and the faraway Li Weisen. Sitting in front of me, the two of them were simply good friends: familiar, natural, and close.

However, if Xiao Chuan wasn’t free, then Li Weisen would never come looking for me alone. My days consisted of working, playing on the computer, and sleeping. I didn’t know what he was busy with. Without Xiao Chuan acting as the tie between us, we barely interacted with each other.

One time when we were eating together, he mentioned that he was busy looking for a job. The position he had been given upon being discharged from the military wasn’t good enough for him.

Damned as I was, I just had to open my mouth and comment, “it’s not easy to find a job these days. Why don’t you just take that position for now?”

He was silent. When Xiao Chuan went to the restroom, he turned and glared at me. “I know…that you don’t think much of me, but I didn’t ask you for anything!”

This time, I was silent. I simply lit up a cigarette and turned my eyes away. I cursed at myself inside my head: why did you even bother to speak? You’re simply creating trouble for yourself.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, then Xiao Chuan came back. He asked where we should go afterwards, but Li Weisen smiled wantonly and gave him a look.

“I have plans tonight!”

Xiao Chuan and I looked at each other and made a surprised face as if we had an “epiphany.”

“The well-fed and well-clad sure are lustful [1].”

Li Weisen left to follow his “plans,” whereas Xiao Chuan and I played some pool and had a cup of coffee together before going our separate ways for home.

Around 11 o’clock at night, I heard a loud knock on my door. Thinking that it might be someone from work and that something urgent had come up, I ran to the door and quickly opened it. When I saw who was behind it however, I stood there in surprise: it was Li Weisen.

He didn’t say anything when he saw me. Staggering, he made his way into my room. Looking at him, I knew that he’d been drinking, a lot at that as well.

After contemplating for a bit, I went up and supported him. “How much did you drink? Why are you like this?”

“I didn’t drink much,” he answered brusquely and dragged me in front of him. “Bed…where’s the bed? I want to sleep.”

With much effort, I supported him over to the bed as “evenly” as I could. I asked, “do you want to throw up?”

“I don’t want to… I think I’m fine…”

“I… I’ll call your girlfriend over to pick you up.” After hesitating a bit, I picked up the phone next to the bed. Even though it was already late and it wasn’t appropriate to make his girlfriend come out, I couldn’t think of another way to handle this.

As expected, he pulled my hand away from the phone.

“Her complex…the gates are already closed.”

“Then I’ll call Xiao Chuan over.” I punched in the number on the phone. I couldn’t let him stay here alone with me.

“Put that goddamn thing down!” He jumped up and tore the phone away from my hands. He then threw it onto the floor with a “thump,” where it landed next to the bed legs. “You don’t want to see me that badly? Then I’m not leaving tonight! What are you going to do about that?”

Completely drunk, his expression was especially vicious. The way he looked at me was like how they described enemies coming across each other in wuxia novels: when old enemies met face to face, their eyes blazed with anger.

Resisting the anger and the self-mockery, I told myself: he’s drunk, don’t bother with him.

“Then you can go to sleep. I’ll be outside.” I stood up slowly and placed the phone back on the table. I was going to the other room and pretending that I never saw him.

“You’re not allowed to leave…I want to sleep with you!” He emphasized the word “sleep.” He then hugged me around the waist and tried to drag me onto the bed.

I immediately turned around and punched him, but it didn’t do anything to him in his drunken stupor. He didn’t even yell in pain before pulling himself above me and feeling me all over. His words came out disjointedly: “avoiding me…fuck…who do you think you are…don’t look down on me…I’m going to fuck you to death…let’s see…if you can still be arrogant after this.”

I punched him at least ten times, and kicked him a couple times as well, but that didn’t stop him from pulling off my clothes one by one. When I was finally tired of hitting him, he suddenly stopped moving. Shocked, I gave him a push.

“Are you okay? Li Wisen! Li Weisen!”

He didn’t react at all. He seemed to have to passed out. No, he’d fallen asleep. His eyes were shut, and his breaths grew long and steady. There was no resemblance to the ferocious beast from earlier, but his hand was still on my waist. My pants had been pulled down to my knees. I stared blankly into space for a few seconds, trying to process this baffling situation. I then pushed him aside forcefully and straightened my clothes.

Before leaving the room, I pull the blanket over him. In his sleep, he grabbed onto my hand and rested it on his face, which was still red from the alcohol. My hand was cold, but perhaps he found it comfortable. The lips rubbing against the back of my hand were soft and warm. I stared at him distractedly, but in the end, I shook him off and quietly left the room.

I was unable to sleep that night. With wide eyes, I stared up at the ceiling. Occasionally, muffled sounds would drift out from the room next door. He seemed to be talking in his sleep. He probably wasn’t talking about me, even if he were, it wouldn’t be anything good.

The next morning, I dressed myself from top to bottom and then went into his room. He was already awake. Half-lying on the bed, he watched as I sat down at the foot of the bed far away from him. While looking at me, his expression seemed to carry a hint of weakness and sullenness.

“Why are you always ignoring me? Am I that annoying?”

I was most scared of that expression of his, but it was too late for me to escape. For a moment, I was transported to the past, to that time when he had dragged me along to learn how to dance. Something warm and gentle clutched onto my heart. Even though I knew it was going to end in trouble, I couldn’t help myself.

“…I’m not.”

“Then…sit a bit closer.”

I lost all self-control and obediently sat down next to him. Unblinkingly, he stared at me as he caressed the corner of my mouth.

“From head to toe, this is the place where you are the most beautiful.”

I almost started shaking because I was scared. Once again, I felt a dizziness I couldn’t control come over me. I saw him move in to kiss me, but I couldn’t avoid him. It was the first time he had kissed me so gently. His tongue glided over my lips and then my teeth. Dumbly, I closed my eyes and then… It was the first time in my life that I had felt so excited, the first time I had put all of myself into doing something. My heart was beating fast enough that I was ashamed of myself. He wasn’t forceful and overbearing with his kiss anymore. Rather, it was a kiss filled with strong desire. Feeling weak, I collapsed onto him, my thought process broken. My reaction down below was unusually direct. I never knew I could react like this from a kiss, as if all my erogenous zones had converged onto my tongue.

Between rapid and rough breaths, he turned over and pushed me down onto the bed. In a flurry, he pulled our clothes off. When I was fully naked in front of him, his movements became frantic again. He only hesitated for a second before leaning down between my legs to give me a blowjob.

I never dreamed that he would do this for me. In panic, I immediately shrank back, but he put a hand on my waist and raised his head. In a disapproving voice, he said, “why are you avoiding me? This isn’t anything big.”

After that, he leaned down and went back to what he was doing. The waves of pleasure rolling through my body soon took over my rationality. Out of my control, I moaned quietly, but the sound seemed to have encouraged him, as he sucked even harder. In a small voice, I groaned, “en…stop…stop…no more.”

With the constant stimulation, it didn’t take long for me to come. Luckily, I pushed his head away before I did. He collected the liquid that came out and rubbed it against my entrance. He pressed my legs down against my chest and leaned forward. It was an uncomfortable position; not to mention, he immediately pushed his way inside. I resisted the urge to cry out in pain, so that he could enjoy the pleasure.

But then he said to me, “why aren’t you making any sounds? Cry out!”

In short, he and I had very low compatibility in the matters of sex. The main reason was because I hated being on the receiving end. I couldn’t imagine the pleasure of being on the bottom that was so often shown in gay porn and described in novels. From my few experiences, I didn’t feel anything other than pain and humiliation.

Due to having not slept the night before and then the strenuous activity just now, I was exhausted to the point of not wanting to move after he was done. He rested for a mere half-hour before he was back to full energy. Once again, he annoyed me about teaching him to use the internet.

Helplessly, I sat up, but his next words were classic. I looked at him for a few minutes, completely speechless. Rather than attempt a response, I pulled the blanket over my head and left him to his own devices.

He sat next to me for a long time. Finally, he turned in my direction and muttered, “psycho,” and then left, stomping as he went.

Underneath the blanket, I cursed at myself, “Gao Yu, why are you such a slut!”

Translation Notes:

[1] Comes from the idiom “the well-fed and well-clad are inclined to indulge in lust, while cold and hunger breed the temptation to steal.” Meaning that when someone lives too comfortably, their minds start to go awry.

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