Chapter 5

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I leapt backwards. With my field of vision wide, I caught the dagger thrown at my chest between two fingers.

As soon as I landed, I crouched.

A moment later, a sword swept above my head from the left. Too slow. At least they’ve improved.

I kicked out my left leg, aiming at theirs, causing them to trip due to their light bodyweight.

“Oww.”

“Not good enough. You would’ve died if I had my sword.”

“You’re faster and you have longer limbs, how am I supposed to win? Could I just blow you up with magic?”

“Please don’t. Let go of that thought.”

Don’t go saying crazy shit like that! I saw you knock down a super thick wall with your magic!

See, this was what I meant when I said witches are crazy. Was it really a good idea to teach her how to use the sword?

… I’ll make sure Tina stays silent that I taught her. I don’t want to get hated by total strangers later.

The witch stood, brushed off the sand and stretched.

“Phew, alright, I’ll make lunch now.”

“You better not put in spring onions.”

“You sure? Lunch will only be water without spring onions.”

“The hell were you going to make!?”

I’ve had enough of spring onion soup! I even had a nightmare where the pungent smell of spring onions was everywhere for some reason, and it turned out the smell was coming from me!

My hate for spring onions started on that fateful day, seven years ago…

“Please don’t start a flashback over stupid spring onions. I’ll make a normal lunch.”

“Shut up! At least let me be free in my mind!”

Stupid spring onions? Apologise to the spring onion farmers! I’ll bury you in a spring onion field, you witch. I would get buried too if I did that though.

When I finished thinking like a spring onion lover, Tina had already disappeared into the house.

Sad.

“Alright, Luvenis, go exterminate the bandits. By yourself.”

“General Sia, are you okay in the head?”

“Yeah yeah, I’m good. You don’t work well in a group so you’re probably better off alone.”

Yes… but no. What is this, bullying?

This was the first order I received from my superior after my holiday. Something’s wrong with him, right? Am I the crazy one here?

However, General Sia ignored my death stare and nodded with an innocent smile. Umm…

“Truth is, General Hozent passed away yesterday.”

“Oh, that dog general. The one that loved dogs so much that he ate dog food with them…”

“Yeah, that one. He died because a dog climbed onto his face while he was sleeping. So, to fill up his spot as a general, the others were saying they needed an officer to recommend, so I picked you.”

“General Sia, are you okay in the head?”

General Sia, a man six years my senior, was famous for his senility. He wasn’t stupid, but his memory was horrendous.

However, his talent alone made up for his senility, as he used his intelligence (?) to work at the lowest rank of the generals. At least I thought he did.

He must be insane to even think of recommending me to become a general. Plus I’m secretly a former assassin.

And don’t generals go out to battlefields and lead people? You know I don’t know how to do that, right?

But General Sia ignored my thoughts with his serious face. How could you.

“Then the other generals were like, ‘you want to give the general rank to an outsider!?’ so I told them that since we’re not in a war, it’s better to have someone strong than someone who can lead an army.”

“Right.”

“Then it turned into an argument and at the end, someone said, ‘this is why you can’t eat green peppers!’ and I got really angry, so I said I’ll show them how strong you are. And so we’re here now…”

“I don’t get what’s going on at all. Please don’t drag me into this.”

What are you, children?

And that was my first time hearing General Sia didn’t like peppers. Come on guys, it’s fine to have one or two things you don’t like…

“I actually love green peppers but I throw up when I eat them,” he said.

“Please don’t eat them.”

Control yourself. So immature.

“Come on, you’re the strongest officer we have. Putting aside your suspicious conduct, of course.”

“Don’t talk about my conduct!”

“So yeah, go exterminate the bandits.”

“Don’t ask for the impossible!”

“Your pay increases with the promotion, by the way. You could do something nice for Dyna with that money.”

“…”

I hate how I fall silent here! And how does everyone know I love Miss Dyna!?

Shit. There’s no point getting a raise if I can’t cure my sneakiness! But I also feel like she finds it funny! What am I supposed to do!?

“You’ll do it?”

“… I’ll do it.”

I gave the okay for now. It’s General Sia we’re talking about. He’ll have forgotten by tomorrow.

I went home, hoping I could drag Yuan and some others to fight the bandits the next day.

“Alright, take care,” he said the next day.

He hadn’t forgotten!

A black cat yawned on my shoulder. The cat was sleepy because I forced it to come with me when it was sleeping. Sorry.

But my life was on the line! So please take care of me.

“I’m sleepy…”

“Cats don’t speak the human language.”

“Meow meow meow.”

“My bad.”

Worst impression of a cat I’ve ever heard. Could she not change her voice too?

Tina—who had transformed into a cat—was shifting on my shoulder while I rode the horse.

… By the way, your tail has been tickling my neck for ages!

But I didn’t have the right to complain.

I said, “I have to exterminate bandits alone so please help me,” and made her accompany me.

Since I had forced her awake, she yawned but it sounded like a yes.

So, I said, “Thank you for your understanding,” as if acting out a play and brought her here.

Had she been fully awake, she would’ve refused before I could finish asking. I’ll buy you something once I get promoted so forgive me.

“Hmm, so their base should be the cave at the foot of the northeast mountain. And they number 30 to 50 people.”

Whoever wanted me to kill these guys alone has to be insane. The job was possible, but it was pretty much a death sentence. And I had been slacking recently so I was unconfident.

“Are you sure they weren’t trying to kill you off with this order?”

“I’m definitely coming home alive!”

But… General Sia gave me the order, so he must’ve been sure I could do it. It was a little too unreasonable though.

Tina finally found a good spot on my shoulder and curled up with her black tail wrapped around.

“Can I blow the whole cave up? I want to go home already.”

“I wouldn’t be able to do that!”

You’d be in danger if it was obvious that magic was used! Calm down.

I checked the two swords I brought. Both were a little short to be long swords and had good maneuverability.

“Just protect me. I’ll be on the offence.”

Tina yawned.

You look sleepy! You do have my back, right!?

Once we arrived near the cave, I tied my horse to a tree and headed towards it on foot.

I passed by some lookouts but I took care of them, no problem. Finally, the cave came into view.

“Are you rushing in?” Tia asked.

“Nah, I’ll bring them out. Doesn’t look like there are any other entrances too.”

I took out three grass bundles from the bag I brought. This stuff inside the bundles makes a ton of smoke when lit, and it makes you cry as well.

As an assassin, I usually concealed myself, but this came in handy sometimes to cause chaos around a target. I had built a tolerance to it so I was fine with using it.

I pulled my mask on and held out the grass bundles to the cat on my shoulder.

“Light it.”

“You look as suspicious as ever.”

“Whatever, just light it…”

I know I’m suspicious, leave me alone! I haven’t even breathed in the smoke and yet I want to cry!

Tina—still in cat form—glanced at the grass bundles. The tips caught on fire. The flames spread, and I ran, throwing them into the cave.

“What’s that!?” Someone shouted.

“A fire!” Another shouted.

I waited until all I could hear was coughs from inside… yeah that thing is really painful.

I poised my sword.

The cat jumped off my shoulder, so she wouldn’t be a hindrance while I’m fighting. She could take care of herself so I let her go.

The sound of footsteps grew louder. Maybe three people? I took a deep breath.

And thus, my subjugation in the white smoke began

“Did you even need me?” Tina said, fed up as she scanned the corpses.

Are you serious? She had helped during the fights a few times; I would’ve been heavily injured without her.

“I’m sure the humans in the castle were expecting you to come back in tatters. Oh, how sad.”

“I don’t need those expectations!”

What do you think I am!? One of these days I’m actually gonna die because of you guys!

However, Tina curled up on the saddle and began sleeping, ignoring me. Was she avoiding my shoulder because the bandits’ blood was on it?

Also, if you’re in the middle of the saddle, I can’t ride the horse… I’ll pull on the reins and trudge home then, you witch.

I did inspect the inside of the cave, but there was barely any treasure. Reinforcements should come soon to clean up as I sent a memo via pigeon.

All I wanted was to finish my report at the castle and go home to sleep. Fighting in a real battle after so long wore me out.

Aargh… but! I can buy a present for Miss Dyna once my pay increases! And then I could invite her out on another date… I’ll hold hands with her this time for sure!

I lost myself in delusions as I returned to the castle, which took double the time it took to come here. Then, I reported to General Sia.

“And so, the subjugation has been completed.”

“Hm? Did I order you to do that?”

“…”

He forgot… oh, I wanna cry.

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