V2C16...

It had been almost two years, but there was still no news regarding Shu Nian.

As long as he read the newspapers, and watched TV programs, he would know Xie Yan was serious and didn't stop looking for him.

There wasn't even a phone call to show that he was still safe and sound.

Shu Nian had always been so considerate of others, and didn't have heart to watch silently as others became distressed for him.

To think that he had been hated till that point, Xie Yan's chest constricted in grief.

Ke Luo suddenly appeared in front of his door, the young man almost angrily told him to call Shu Nian out, he wanted to ask Shu Nian face to face, he wanted to ask him the reason why he wrote that letter and refused meet him.

It seemed to be about returning back the shares and such, Xie Yan wasn't interested to clearly listen to it, he just kept on looking at the envelope, it was written a few months ago, there was no sender address on it, but he could barely identified the city from the vague postmark, but it might be useless, the sender might not be there, or perhaps he was still there, Xie Yan wasn't sure, besides he had searched every nook and cranny in that city, but there was nothing regarding Shu Nian.

Although there was no hope, but he still sort out all his work, and booked a ticket.

Unsurprisingly, few days had passed, he didn't find any clue about him, and Xie Yan was a little tired.

Looking for Shu Nian lifelessly, while mocking at himself, blindly finding a person who hid and didn't want to meet him was just like searching for a needle in a haystack, he was really stupid.

What would he do even if he found Shu Nian?

He shouldn't have any wishful thought from the start. Shu Nian even refused to see him now, and he had abandoned him till such point.

He practically could imagine the ludicrous situation when they meet; I will chase after you and you will hide from me, and eventually he would tied Shu Nian and brought him back, and forcing him once again.

There was no use of it.

He had always believe that the person Shu Nian really dedicated to was him, no matter if he wasn't willing to see him, but one day Shu Nian would forgive him, and give him another opportunity to slowly learning on how to be a good lover.

But now it was hard to refute the fact that Shu Nian didn't care about him anymore.

"Young master will go back tomorrow?"

The question was asked respectfully, but Xie Yan felt like the question was asked hastily as if wanting to get rid of a nuisance.

He fiercely ordered people to check from one company to another, everything must be checked thoroughly especially regarding the position that was related to Shu Nian. People who were responsible to find Shu Nian were having a very hard time and couldn't catch their breath.

But there was still no news regarding Shu Nian. Although he had expected the situation, and prepared for it, he couldn't stop from feeling disappointed.

"Yes." He had dinner absentmindedly and pretended to not see the relieved expressions from people sitting around him.

If Shu Nian was really there, and knows that he finally stops and going to leave, Shu Nian might feel happy. Thinking of it, he couldn't stop himself from getting annoyed.

Putting down the knife and fork, he looked out the window gloomily.

It was snowing, and the weather was cold, but some passerby stopped at the street, smiling and pointing after they looked at something.

Xie Yan realized what they were looking at, the shop opposite from him looked like a cozy family-friendly shop, the inside looked like it was quite warm, there was a thin layer of frost on the window, and someone inside the shop drew pictures on the window with their finger.

It was simple but very interesting, askew trees, some strange looking animals, probably one of the grownup drew it to entertain those children. As the drawing stopped, the pattern gradually blurred, and vanished, and then there would be a new pattern to replace it. That person drew with enthusiasm, making the passerby stopped for a moment to enjoy it, waiting for a raccoon or a rabbit to appear next.

Xie Yan watched for a while, and unconsciously smiled slightly when a rabbit immerged from the raccoon's tail, but he also felt very depressed, perhaps it was because of the weather, and the heavy feeling in his heart, it was empty and cold.

He felt as if he was still sitting in front of a heater, waiting for the docile boy to hastily draw on the window during winter, but it was years ago.

The drawing also stopped, the window gradually turned frosty, Xie Yan continued to wait for a while, he felt boring, was about to look away, and he inadvertently saw someone came out from that shop, and went into a small pastry delivery truck that was parked outside.

Xie Yan stood up abruptly, and his sudden movement almost overturned the glass in front of him.

As a matter of fact, it was nothing, just a blurry glimpse, he only noticed a thin figure, and nothing else. He didn't understand why he suddenly became tensed, and also didn't think that man is surely Shu Nian, he was running down the stairs before he knew it.

The truck had long gone, Xie Yan stood at the empty road, he looked hesitant for a while, and then finally walked into the store.

"Excuse me, who is the man that just came out from this shop?"

Although the question was ridiculous, the boss quickly understood what he meant: "Oh, you are talking about the delivery guy? He is a worker at Western Confectionary, he had been working there for awhile, and everyone knows him, why??"

"...that man slightly looks like my old friend, so I just want to ask."

"Really?" the boss knew the man standing in front of him is a wealthy man after he took a glance at him, and replied enthusiastically, "you have probably mistaken."

"Where's the bakery?"

"Aiyo, it's hard to explain," The boss thought, "that bakery's location is quite hidden, and you won't be able to remember it even if I tell you."

"I have to trouble you."

"Ai, I'm afraid I also couldn't help you," the boss scratched his head, "Oh yes, he will come again to restock the pastries and get the payment, and you can meet him at that time."

Xie Yan didn't understand why the man smiled awkwardly, "I think you have really mistaken. He...ai, you will know once you see him."

The people that came with Xie Yan went back first, sat alone in the shop, and nonchalantly ordered something. Someone as tall as him, really noticeable when he was sitting around children, which made others looked at him curiously, hence he sat at a corner to avoid being too prominent.

The door had been pushed open for a few times, and this time around it wasn't noisy students that were carrying schoolbags, but a thin middle-aged man.

That man's appearance wasn't that prominent, the cap was pushed down very low on his head, and a mask covered most of his face, and it was totally hard to take a look at his face; he had a very ordinary figure and manner, but there was obviously something wrong with his walking posture, looked like there was something wrong with his foot and simply said, he was cripple.

The boss went to greet him, he took out a bill from his pocket and placed it on the counter, counting the payment, and then paid the money. Another worker that wore the same overalls and has some stubble carried two crates of pastry baskets on his shoulders, he walked inside and complained loudly: "Ah really, don't move around when you can't walk! Almost run over you!"

The cripple man apologized and laughed slightly, and after a moment Xie Yan heard his voice, it wasn't that loud, across the mask, muffled and slightly strange: "I had to trouble you by bringing back the payment, I'm not going back to the bakery, it is closer to home from here."

"Oh right." The stubble man naturally raised his voice in the loud atmosphere, "I've told you, go back by bus, it wasn't that expensive! It is strenuous to walk, don't be frugal on something that you shouldn't."

The man smiled once again, and didn't say anything. A small bag of cake was tossed at him and he caught it clumsily.

"Bring it back to Xiao Jia, tell him that uncle miss him."

When he bid his farewell with the stubble man, that man opened the door slowly and went out.

Xie Yan froze, he stood up stiffly, and his fingers were still taut when he went to the cashier to pay.

The boss smiled at him: "did you see it? That man wasn't your friend, right? You probably couldn't see that well because of the mask, he accidentally pulled the mask once when he came, and scared the children, so now he wears them every time he comes here. Oh, putting that aside, he is actually very kind, he makes a lot of pastries and it taste really good."

That man walked slowly, Xie Yan could easily keep up with him, but he didn't stop him, because he was speechless. Xie Yan didn't want to utter anything before his wildly beating heart settle down.

That man went into a market, Xie Yan stood a few steps away and watched as that man squatted down clumsily and took vegetable from a pile of vegetable that didn't look fresh, and then paid for it, he also bought some meat and five apples, he walked slowly with all the goods.

After walking for a while, he turned into a residential area that wasn't that hectic, that man realized that someone was following him, and turned to have a look in bewilderment.

Xie Yan still couldn't see his face that was covered firmly, and not to mention about his expression. He didn't know why but that man also didn't move, and it looked like he was staring at Xie Yan, after a while he hurriedly turned around and walked hurriedly, his cripple was more obvious because he walked faster.

Xie Yan didn't know when his tears fell down, and said coarsely: "Xiao Nian, Xiao Nian."

It wasn't that loud, but it seemed like it was deafening in that man's ear, he froze for a while, he wanted to run, he took some steps, and staggered in panic.

He didn't manage to run that far as he was pulled from behind. He staggered slightly and fell in Xie Yan's cold palms, and it was totally frozen.

"Xiao Nian."

"I'm sorry, you got the wrong person..." His voice muffled under the mask, the man's face was hidden under the old cap and big mask, only his eyes and some skin under his eyelids were visible, and the muffled sound. Xie Yan grabbed his arms too tightly, and it made him shrink in pain, "you got the wrong person, sir."

Xie Yan released his hold, and that man immediately took a step back, wanting to escape, but this time Xie Yan suddenly caught his mask that was used to ward off the cold, the man was surprised, and hurriedly held his mask in place: "...Sir, sir, please stop..."

Xie Yan didn't expect that man would fight that much, and desperately trying to hold tightly the mask that was covering his face, and his body curled up like a shrimp.

He became unsteady from the pull, staggered and fell down, the goods in the bag rolled around the ground, and yet he refused to pick it up or bracing himself from the fall, and he desperately blocked his face after the mask was taken off.

"Xiao Nian..." Despite of his struggles, Xie Yan squatted down and held his back, and tried to turn his head, "look at me, I want you to look at me..."

That man resist, and desperately chided away from Xie Yan: "I'm not him...you have mistaken, I am not him..."

Xie Yan almost roughly grabbed his arms that were blocking his face, roughly moved it, the man whimpered pitifully and didn't move anymore.

Slanting downward from the left side of his temple, across half of his face, and it didn't stop until the right corner of his mouth, it was a very large and deep scar, indeed, it will scare those children.

Xie Yan was speechless for a long time.

Xie Yan hesitated for a while before stretching his hand to trace the scar with his finger, and it made that man suddenly shrink up as if he touched something hot, his face turned pale, but he didn't say anything, just remained quiet, and his lips trembled slightly.

"...What is...How could this happen?"

He only moved when he was released, propped up his body, bowed and picking up goods that were scattered on the ground.

"I had an accident, that's it." He answered briefly, and didn't say anything afterwards. In that silence, Xie Yan could even hear slight sound of snow falling.

The man stood up, it was a little strenuous for him, he saw Xie Yan looked at his legs, and he said: "I had undergone an operation."

Shu Nian had expected for Xie Yan to be shocked and puzzled, he wore the mask back and pulled a scarf around himself and slowly stopped trembling. After sorting everything, he looked at Xie Yan that was standing blankly and asked: "Young master...do you come looking for me?"

"Now...You have seen me, you can go back, and tell Master and Madam that I'm fine...sorry for the trouble."

His voice was low, he greeted and nodded at Xie Yan, turned around and walked away. He habitually pushed down the cap, the back of his hand was very thin that even the veins could be seen clearly.

He was only thin before, but now he was extremely skinny until beyond recognition. Therefore Xie Yan said, "I'm not", and he wasn't entirely lying.

Because Xie Yan didn't want Shu Nian to feel guilty for making Xie Yan searching for him, he said it wasn't the case, so that they wouldn't be awkward, and he wouldn't be disgraced.

His old self would look at him lowly, and now the old behavior seemed even more distant.

Once the apartment door was opened, a young voice could be heard clearly: "Papa, you are back!"

A boy was lying on his stomach as he was doodling at the table in the living room, he stopped doodling, climbed down the chair and ran to the door: "you are late today...eh?"

There was an unfamiliar looking young man standing behind the familiar lanky and gentle man, although Xie Yan's eyes were slightly red but it were still very sharp.

The seven years old boy cowered: "Papa, we have a guest?"

"...Yes, did Xiao Jia behaved well today?"

"I did, teacher praised me today. Everyone need their parents to pick them up, I was the only one who can go home by myself."

"Really..." Shu Nian smiled guiltily and patted his head, "if you are hungry, we also have a cake today but you can only eat half of it, as dinner will be ready soon."

The child obediently went back to the table and continued with his homework, Shu Nian brought the goods into the kitchen and Xie Yan followed him quietly.

"Your child??"

"...I picked him up, and he is an orphan," Shu Nian hesitated for a moment, "he is a really nice kid." Xie Yan was still looking at him, he looked down and cut the vegetables, and then he continued: "Because I rescued him from the car accident...so he followed me."

Xie Yan clenched his teeth in anger: "Why do you put yourself in this condition...for an unrelated person?!"

Shu Nian looked up in shocked: "What are you talking about...he is still young!" Then looked down and concentrated on cutting the vegetable: "his life is still long, he can do many things if he survives, I, mine...didn't matter."

"..."

"Will you stay for dinner? Then I will cook more noodles."

Xie Yan eyes were still red from before, and it also made Shu Nian felt quite sad.

To be able to be together with Xie Yan once again, facing the compassionate eyes, Shu Nian realized his wretchedness.

He unconsciously had lost so many things.

Because they would be having dinner, the mask had to be taken off, and it also wasn't a good idea to wear the scarf and hat due to the warmth of the apartment. His destroyed face was clearly visible under the lights.

At first he tried to hide his face by bowing his head lowly, then he gradually aware that Xie Yan was calm and didn't pay any heed and Shu Nian suddenly realized.

Xie Yan just wanted to have a clear look on him, just like a curious people. Xie Yan pitied him, but that's all. It was useless no matter how he tried to hide those shortcomings. The scar wouldn't disappear just because be looked down, and his leg wouldn't stop limping just because he tried to walk normally.

Xie Yan also wouldn't have other intention toward him because it was an accidental meeting.

The conclusions are the same.

Shu Nian ate the noodles in his bowl under the attentive gaze from the man who was sitting opposite of him, his previously attitude of cowering timidly also turned composed. After having the last bite, Shu Nian looked up, and looked into Xie Yan's eyes, and he knew Xie Yan was studying the scar on his face, and Shu Nian silently let him take a good look.

"Xiao Jia, go to bed."

"En." The boy jumped off the chair, put away his textbooks and pencil, and obediently went to the bedroom.

After dinner and clearing away the dishes, the volume on the television was also set to low to avoid from bothering the boy, and the man who was supporting a gloomy expression still didn't intend to leave.

"Young master....if there is nothing else..."

Shu Nian had originally rented an apartment for a single occupant therefore there wasn't any extra room for guest to stay overnight.

Xie Yan was lying idly on his stomach suddenly sat still and leaned forward, Shu Nian stared blankly as Xie Yan leaned over, until he felt a warm and soft touch on his lips, and suddenly realized he was kissed.

Shu Nian widened his eyes in surprise, he was hugged and hoisted up onto Xie Yan's lap, his upper body leaned backward unsteadily, and Shu Nian was pressed down on the sofa. The action was very gentle, but with an abnormal strength. He was unable to move his hands that were pinned down above his head, and the kisses became intense.

"Young...young master!" Shu Nian struggled to stop Xie Yan in panic. Xie Yan ignored him and didn't say anything, continued to French kissed him, slightly impatient as he took off Shu Nian's coat and sweater, and then unbutton his shirt.

"Don't! Don't fool around! What are you..."

Shu Nian's legs were firmly pressed, the warm palms directly attached to his chest, the longing fingers rubbed and played with the small protrusions on his flat chest, and Xie Yan kept on kneading until it turned red and swollen. Shu Nian struggled, but he didn't dare to make too much noise, and letting out only gasping and panting. His trouser was undone, Shu Nian jerked up when fingers skillfully probe into him, and then fell back heavily, he tried desperately to stop those gentle and persistent slender fingers that were playing with his lower body, but he simply couldn't resist it.

"No, don't!"

Shu Nian realized that he was also feeling good from Xie Yan's action, but it was a natural reaction as they haven't done it for quite a while. He couldn't resist the urge to touch Xie Yan, and Shu Nian's eyes gradually moistened and quite regret to bring Xie Yan home.

"Xiao Nian."

The long and intense fondling seemed to come to a halt, their lower parts were pressed up against another dangerously and there was no further action, except for Xie Yan's hypnotic voice that whispered into his ear, and unknowingly it sounded very broken hearted.

"Why didn't you return...accident occurred...life wasn't easy, and yet why didn't you come back? You know that I'm looking for you...you obviously know it...but why didn't you come to see me...you already hate me to that extent?"

"Even refused to call ... changed your name and information...Are you so afraid of being found out? ... Am I really that terrible until you can't forgive me anymore?"

"Why do you suddenly hate me so much? Although I am a bad man...but I used to be far worse, don't you used to love me? I want to become a good man...I just...need a little time, can you wait a little longer? Just wait a little longer..."

Shu Nian was held tightly, his arms were effectively reined back, Xie Yan's face was buried in his neck, it was obviously an intensive action, but this time that action seemed like Xie Yan was tired and aggrieved. Shu Nian was in a trance, and felt like he was dreaming.

"Young master," Shu Nian explained slowly, "You already know...that I never hate you."

When Xie Yan looked up, Shu Nian had a very sorrowful smile.

"No matter what you do to me, it is impossible for me to hate you. You also know it. Even if I die...there will be only you in my heart." Shu Nian aware of his expression as he confessed, it was ridiculous and terrible, but he still continued his heartfelt confession, "So you shouldn't mind my absence...don't be sad because I left without a word. I didn't abandoned you, and aren't willing to abandon you. "

Xie Yan looked at him in surprise, but he didn't say anything, he understood that although Shu Nian stopped talking for a while but he still didn't finish.

"I'm like this now, and you also seen it. I know you feel bad for me, and want me to come back. But...what can I do when I come back? Young master...You don't understand. I'm not like before. Previously I'm content just by staying by your side, it doesn't matter what you do or how you treat me, it was enough...as long as I can just look at you...but not now, I've became greedy..."

"I want you to love me too..." Shu Nian smiled reluctantly as if he was mocking his self, "it would be better...if you just like me. But how could it be possible? I...I also don't understand...but my heart ache when I see you with someone else...and it is useless to persuade my heart. And with my current condition...Just forget about it...Young master, just let me forget you."

"I will be useless even if I go back...I also won't feel great about it. You don't know how strange I have become, I'm already this frightening, and when I see you, and I just want to keep you all by myself. See, I am already this unreasonable...If we live together later on, I am afraid that I will tie you around like a madman..."

Xie Yan outstretched his hand and gently wiped Shu Nian's eyes that were brimming with tears. Shu Nian didn't continue, and choked up uncontrollably.

"Xiao Nian..."

Xie Yan went closer and kissed Shu Nian's cold and pale lips, he didn't know why he really wanted to kiss Shu Nian, and it got nothing to do with lust, but it is due to the painful longing in his chest.

"Xiao Nian, you only have one shortcoming...it is enough for you to just change this single shortcoming."

Xie Yan held Shu Nian's soft black-haired head, his delicate expression was no longer visible because he was sobbing in grief, Xie Yan wasn't complete, holding Shu Nian in his arms, it felt like a part of him that was missing was with this man, and it was finally completed: "that is...you always refused to believe me, no matter how many times I tell you that I like you, and only love you, you think that I'm lying to you."

"Why can't you believe me? I still love you now. I just want to marry you...it is fine even without a ceremony, just leave your future to me, and I will be with you for the whole lifetime, can you? Even if you completely paralyze, I won't stop loving you. I promise you, you still can't believe it?"

Shu Nian looked at him in disbelief, his body taut and trembling, and it made him looked like he was in a pain.

"Do you believe me?"

Shu Nian's eyes were red, he was tired to struggle, he didn't nod, and he didn't dare to do it.

"Believe me?" Xie Yan lowered his head, and rested his forehead against Shu Nian's, and even their noses were against one another, and it unknowingly made him felt warm and sad, "believe me? ...Xiao Nian?"

Shu Nian only looked at him, desperately looked at him, and suddenly said in haste: "You haven't seen my legs yet, although it wasn't amputated, but...there's no strength, and both sides aren't the same, it seems a bit strange...and then, there are also some scars that don't disappear, you haven't seen it, once you see it, then maybe... "

He hasn't finished saying the remaining "changed your mind" when he was hugged firmly, Xie Yan seemed to be laughing, and murmured: "[1] Idiot..." But Shu Nian could clearly felt the wetness on his bare shoulder.

[T/N: [1] This word carry no negative meaning.]

"Idiot...this scoundrel..." Xie Yan repeatedly scolding him randomly, "Idiot, saying such stupid things..."

"I'm extremely...really like you..."

Shu Nian hurriedly hugged Xie Yan's trembling shoulders, he didn't know that he would confess like that, and the reason of why they were crying.

They made love on the small sofa, although it was quite tough, but they didn't want to stop.

They naturally felt cold when they were completely naked, they suppressed any sound as they were afraid of waking Xiao Jia who was sleeping in the bedroom, the place that wasn't penetrated for a while also became pained, but the warmth of being embrace surpass everything else.

They groaned due to the long lasting connection between their bodies, skillful fingers and tongues created waves of euphoria, and they were obviously in nirvana, but Shu Nian couldn't control his tear after they came.

"What's wrong?" Xie Yan didn't feel like wearing his clothes after they were contented, but he held Shu Nian in his arms, kept on touching his face, and asked worriedly, "does it hurt that much?"

Shu Nian cried and said to him: "When you're tired of me, be sure to tell me, or I'm afraid that I won't understand it..."

Xie Yan held Shu Nian's head and tenderly kissed that emaciated man, and his scarred cheek: "I won't get tired..."

"Please promise me..."

Xie Yan sighed, and said, "If that day really comes, I will tell you frankly," and comforted Shu Nian in that strange way.

Shu Nian sobbing in his arms because of the promise, but he gradually calmed down, Xie Yan also tightened his arms in relief, he knew Shu Nian wouldn't run away again, and they didn't feel the cold when they held one another like that.

Xie Yan didn't understand Shu Nian determination on, "I will find a place to die quietly once Xie Yan gets tired of me."

He didn't realize that he was the only one in Shu Nian's life.

Even if he imagines it, he wouldn't truly understand how much the skinny man in his arms really loves him.

"After going back, I will contact the best cosmetic doctor to help you."

Shu Nian was quite surprised, he was confused and disturbed: "...my face...it is really disgusting."

Xie Yan smiled wryly: "No. I don't mind at all. Just that..." Xie Yan cupped Shu Nian's face, and kissed the tip of his cold nose, "Won't you be happy if it changes back to normal?"

From now on, I just want you to feel safe and happy.

The End.

Anne's Rant:

It finally ended! There is another 1 extra chapter and then we will say goodbye to this novel for good.

Please note that some part might be incorrect as I don't know how to translate it to English. Mistakes are bound to happen and corrections are very welcome.